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What had he been thinking as he watched Jamie’s fingers dig into my legs? Or when he heard the desperate, pitiful whimpers Cade elicited from me as his fingers circled my sensitive nipples? He’d been stroking himself, so clearly he’d found the situation hot, but how hot? Was watching me get off with two other men something he’d regret?
Or would he finally see the other facets of my personality that I was only beginning to discover myself. Yes, I was a good friend who could hang with the best of them. But I was also surprising. Sensual. Sexy. I was wild and filthy and dirty in bed and I could appreciate a man (or two) that was the same way.
Including a man like Ellis.
Chapter 15
Tessa
Later that night, I was halfway through drafting a lengthy email to Ellis, trying to brush off what had happened and at the same time make sure our friendship had survived him seeing me with Jamie and Cade, when Ellis knocked on my door.
When I let him in, he casually strolled into my studio, giving me a wide grin and a bro fist bump. “Wow, Tess,” he said, letting out a long, low whistle. “Fucking hot, dude. Proud of ya.”
I bumped my fist against his in a state of shock and watched blankly as he went into the kitchen and returned moments later with a beer from the fridge. He flopped down on the couch next to me and propped his feet up on the messy coffee table.
I stared at him, still trying to process what was happening exactly.
“Chinese or Indian tonight, you think?” he asked, turning on the TV. “You know what? You pick the food and I’ll pick the movie, deal?”
Ellis finally turned to me, and his face was no different than usual: just a cheerful, charming smile and perfect white teeth.
I blinked dumbly at him before shaking my head to clear it. “Yeah, sure. In that case, let’s do Indian.”
I guess all that worry had been for nothing. It was really pretty stupid the more I thought about it as we munched on our curries and watchedSabrina(the original, of course, with Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart). Ellis was more than experienced in the world of kink; a little voyeurism in a cramped apartment was probably nothing new for him, as he was clearly going to great efforts to prove to me.
We were both adults. It was just a little fun. And that was it.
I’d been convinced, even hoped, that the way Ellis had stared at me while he stroked his cock might mean something, but Ellis’s totally normal, totally casual, totally blasé behavior put those thoughts to bed.
We were friends. And we would always be just that,friends. It’s what I wanted. I could never lose him. Never.
Over the next few days, things were normal, which meant I yet again didn’t get calls for temp positions, yet again ate ramen, and yet again heard about Ellis’s slew of parties lined up with models and actresses and celebrities at mansions with pools and views of the Hills.
The day to submit the application for the sex study was fast approaching, and even if I was no Cinderella, the fact was I still needed a prince. A third prince.
In the meantime, Cade and Jamie and I kept going at it like rabbits. Apparently both men liked what the other brought to my bedroom, and clearly both liked me in my bedroom, so whenever either of them were free we’d meet at my place and fuck until the world seemed to disappear. How had I gotten this lucky?
One late afternoon as Cade, Jamie and I lay in bed after sex, Cade told me we should try finding a man for our foursome at the grocery. When Jamie and I expressed doubt, Cade told us how he’d met a nice girl when they’d each reached for the same bundle of broccolini.
“You don’t fucking say,” Jamie chuckled darkly before nibbling at my hip bone one afternoon.“Least it wasn’t fucking kale.”
I brushed my fingers through Cade’s hair while he laid his head on my bare chest and told him I would give it a try. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I had no idea where broccolini was in the grocery store or what it tasted like.
“I know a few musicians that might be down,” Jamie added, “but I’ve quit all their bands, so I think if they saw my dick they’d be more likely to chop it off than get aroused by it.”
“Why do you always quit your bands?” I asked, lifting my head to watch Jamie swirling his finger absentmindedly around my belly button.
“I take off whenever they want to do some fucking world tour, or sign with some fucking corporate label. I’d rather cut offmeown goddamn nut sack than go corporate,” he said.
“Such sweet pillow talk,” Cade mumbled, nestling incloserto me.
I grinned and closed my eyes. But as I laidthere betweenCade and Jamie, feeling each of their heartbeats against my body, each one so different and yet both so perfect, a wave of fear swept over me: because this didn’t just feel like sex anymore. And that scared me.
This felt like…it felt like a relationship. A weird, non-conforming, totally-out-of-my-comfort-zone relationship. And I got the sense Jamie and Cade felt the same way.
But I wasn’t about to ask. Because if we did get selected for the sex study, once we finished it, where would that lead us? I couldn’t imagine the three of us staying this way.
Actually, I could, but as daring as I’d become with my sexual desires, I wasn’t yet daring enough to risk my heart by thinking that far into the future. It was one thing for Cade and Jamie to enjoy my company right now and to be up for tons of sex, but it didn’t mean they were going to fall in love with me and want a committed relationship. Singularly or polyamorously.
