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He tugs me toward him. “You’re a terrible liar. Tell me what’s really going on right now. I know there’s a lot, but what’s happening right this minute?”
“I’m just nervous.”
“About sitting here at the curb of her sister’s house? Or about being alone with me?”
“Both,” I blurt before I realize what I’m doing.
“I expect you’d be nervous with me. I wish you weren’t, but I understand. I’m curious, though. You don’t like her sister?”
“I do like her. She’s really wonderful. I just worry about everyone’s safety. I feel like the Black Plague.”
A vicious, hot ache spreads through me. There’s a kid’s bicycle laying on the grass. A ball is next to the walk. The playground is visible in the backyard. It’s a wonderful home.
Our very presence could destroy it all.
I search for Finn but pray I don’t find him.
“She has kids?”
“Four.”
Crap. Crap!
Nikki and her husband have four of their own, plus Finn.
“Big family by today’s standards,” Kieran says.
I see an opportunity to fix my wrong, “They even adopted a child too, so in total, they have five.”
“Sounds like they are nice people. I have a special place in my heart for people who adopt. I haven’t told you all of that. But I will sometime.”
“They’re really good people,” I say softly as I look out the car window. My eyes are misty. My throat tight with thousands of regrets and broken dreams, each one of them like a shard of glass in my airway. But I’m full of gratitude for what Nikki and Marcus have done for me and Finn.
Kieran sighs and feeds his fingers between mine. Locking us together. He’s warm, and strong. I’m chilled and weak.
In a low voice, he says, “The idea of having kids is growing on me. But not in the Mafia. I don’t like the idea of a son growing up to fall into it. I’d never want a daughter to be at risk. So, unless I’m out of this, then that’s a no. I think you’re a realist about how hard it is to get out once you're in.”
All the air leaks out of the car. I’m pinned back against the seat. My brain goes nuts. Finn cannot end up with that fate.
I turn my face away from Nikki’s house. My baby boy cannot grow up in the life.
We stare at each other. My heart breaks even more. How is that possible when the thing is already a mangled wreck? How can it be rebuilt just to be torn apart over and over again?
The devastating truth is, I might lose them both. Kieran and Finn.
As if he’s reading my mind, Kieran says, “If I die, the house is yours and there’s a plan in place for you to have everything you need. I’ve even arranged a fake husband to keep you safe and a new identity. The choice would be yours. As a widow, you’d be free to do as you will, of course, but you might want to leave and start fresh.”
A nervous shiver shakes me as part of me dies. This is a mortal game we’re playing and more of me dies every day as we slip closer to the razor’s edge. “I’m not going to talk about that right now. It’s too much.”
His mood shifts. Frustrated again. Kieran’s got secrets, but he expects me to just go on and on every time he asks a question. Well, I’m not. I’m not ready. Mostly because I have no idea what’s inside my head. It’s such a mess, I’d need a neurosurgeon that specializes in tangled spaghetti to fix me.
I’m under his microscope as my body grows more and more nervous, then his eyes flip to the front of the house. Honing in on something that’s got his full attention.
Terrified, I look in the same direction.
The door is open. Two kids, two boys, jumped out onto the front step, then raced back into the house.Finn. Oh my god.
It was Finn and Michael. I’m overwhelmed with fear.
