AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I couldn’t force a single consoling sound past the mountains of emotion blocking my throat. Because I couldn’t console myself. Couldn’t hold her hand because I couldn’t stop the sweating of my palms. The shaking.
Barely able to hear, see, or breathe. The pounding intensity of everything trying to crush my soul.
There’s a rising crescendo in the tempest inside my head. Once I’m alone with her, I have to speak—let these things out of me that stand to shred any future we might have.
Inside the suite is the last fucking thing I want to see. A group of people waiting on Carra for her nail appointment.
Eva, as bright and commanding as usual says, “Welcome back, girls! And guys. But mostly girls, because it’s MANICURE time!”
Max grabs my shoulder, taking advantage of the distraction. “Let's go, Mario Andretti. No more holes in the wall, but maybe you don’t need to know that you broke every traffic law on the way back to the hotel.”
I growl at him and pull away. Crossing my arms obstinately. If there’s anything I don’t need right now, is Max Stone’s big fucking head in my business.
That’s when Eva’s eyes widen as she senses the black clouds surrounding us. After glancing at the ladies in white lab coats, with their travel-ready nail equipment spread on small tables, she gives me a questioning look.
“Up to Carra,” I reply.
My fiancée leaps into motion. “It’s okay, let’s do this,” Carra says as she moves quickly across the room. “We’re running out of time, and I don’t want you to have to reschedule.”
Her matter-of-factness rattles me back into some semblance of action. From the place where I’m glued to the floor, I say, “I’d like to talk when you’re done.”
She glances at me over her shoulder. Her soft green eyes holding mine. “I planned on it; this won’t take too long.”
I’m not sure I want it to take hours or minutes. There’s no way for me to gauge the time I need to prepare myself for this conversation. It’s undoubtedly going to be one of the hardest of my life. Not only has Carra kept a secret. It’s time for her to know.
Everything.
Before I can lay my life on the line for Carra, and open myself to her entirely, I have to get Max off my back. Which is another thing that’s long overdue.
I stride down the hallway. He follows. We go through the first door and enter the main hallway for the hotel. I keep walking until we’re by the bank of elevators. There’s a small alcove by the windows. I don’t stop until I’m there, leaning my hands against the cold glass. No one is around, but I’m sure we’re on camera.
“I’m a father,” I say, my voice shaking.
He glances around, puffs his cheeks and sighs. The silence between us is filled with questions neither of us have answers to.
Raspy voiced, he says. “When I saw you on the lawn on your knees...” He stops, composes himself. “I couldn’t imagine what you were feeling.”
“Fucking gutted. Alive. Terrified. Angry. Elated. Did I mention, terrified?”
I lean against the glass, pressing my hands to the panes and pressing my head to my outstretched thumbs. “I can’t be the father that child deserves. Ever. And Carra... she deserves better than me. This is all my fault. I left. I stole her innocence and—"
He cuts me off with a glare. “What the fuck? Don’t let your head go there. You did this for her. For the others. For the people you want to protect from Coghlan. Including your child.”
I wheel on him. “I’m going to talk to her now. I’m going to tell her all of this. The lies have to end.”
He stills. A faint glimpse of barely restrained fury in his steely eyes.“Kieran—”
All my bottled rage suddenly finds a target. I smash the palm of both of my hands into his chest and shove him back. “Don’t lecture me. We’ll come to blows over this.”
Eyes glinting, Max hardens his jaw. The air crackles hotly between us. Then he holds up his hands. “I won’t fight you. I don’t have a death wish, McGregor.”
A throbbing disappointment runs through my veins. Hitting Max wouldn’t have fixed a thing, but my caveman brain wants to smash everything in sight. I have to hit something, and I need a target. He’d be the perfect choice because he’d fight back, and I need that… I need to hit, but I need the physical hurt of being hit too. Maybe then I’d believe this is real.
Carefully, he says, “I wondered if we’d ever spiral down to this low point.”
Fists clenched, I don’t back off. “If you’d have been closer, it would have happened years ago, but I wouldn’t have given you a warning then.”
“Gee, guess I’m lucky, then.”
