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I make sure she’s totally inside before I point to her seat belt. “Buckle up.”
She slams the belt home, then looks out the front, purposefully avoiding me.
That’s fine with me. I have nothing but questions, but none that I should ask right now.
Max might be a pain in my ass, but in this case, he is right. I need to focus on what is coming.
Easier said than done, but I have to at least try.
Slowly rounding the car from the back, I take a few deep breaths. Calm.Calm. I am calm. I could say all the mantras and affirmations in the world, and it wouldn’t help my mood. So, I open the driver’s side door and launch myself inside.
Intentionally, she pivots her eyes from the front to her side window. I clench the wheel as if it is the key to sanity.
It fucking hurts that she is keeping this secret from me, that she refuses to talk to me. At least she’s holding that sass and fire. If that got near the short fuse I’m sporting, things could get explosive. And I’m not talking about sexually.
Confrontation needs to be avoided at all costs.
Max’s words are playing on a loop inside my head, “There are lots of ways to hurt someone.”
If there is someone I’d rather die than hurt, that person is sitting right next to me. I’d rip my heart out and hand it to her on a platter if I had to.
Silence is the only way I can keep myself from blurting out anything I might regret.
I start the car and we head off to the airport.
I know she hates me, and I know I’m not who she wants. Why would I be? I’m nothing. No one. But I’d give my life for her in a heartbeat.
And if that kid is mine? Fuck, I can’t even think about that right now. It’s too damned painful.
I need to focus on Coghlan and on taking him out. I need to make this world a safer place for Carra. A place where she can finally have a choice. Finally live life on her own terms.
I’m going to destroy the man who caged her for her whole life so that I can set her free. That’s what you should do when you love something, right?
Except, the fucking truth is, my gut says she will not be returning to me. When Carra gets her wings she’s gonna fly. Far, far away from me.
So, I’m saving the woman I love, and in the same breath, I’m condemning myself to a life without her.
Fuck. Doing the right thing might end up killing me anyway.
CHAPTERFIVE
The drive to the airport is brutally tense. Kieran doesn’t take his eyes off the road except to look in the rear and side mirrors with quick, scary intensity. The vehicle is filled with black clouds and heavy silence. Both of which make it hard to breathe. At least they are going to get us wherever we’re going fast.
I hold onto the door handle as the parade of SUVs drives like we’re outrunning the apocalypse, whipping through the country roads.
The same plane is parked on the tarmac with the extended stairs leading to the doorway, waiting for us. Kieran grips my arm firmly and walks me up the twelve steps. His grip isn’t mean or painful, but he is not warm.
When we step into the plane’s cabin, I shrug out of his grasp and make it a point not to engage him. I really don’t have anything to say, and I refuse to let Kieran see how rattled I am.
What I need is time alone to think my way clear of this situation.
If only.
That’s never worked in the past, but it’s my only practiced skill—overthinking.
What else could I do, with no control over anything and locked away in that brick-and-mortar cage all my life?
After a few minutes, a suffocating sensation overwhelms me. I can’t think about not ever seeing my child again. I just can’t even process that.
