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But it was all for show.
“What are you so uptight about today, anyway?”
I gave her the side-eye. Her mouth barely moved as she spoke, and if anyone were to look at her, they would swear that she was meditating. Ash was that good.
With a deep inhale, I tried my best to copy her. “The number one thing that drives a woman to desperate hot yoga,” I whispered out of the corner of my mouth.
There was a distinct pause for effect, and then Ash and I spoke at the same time:
“Boys.”
“Dick.”
That time I couldn’t hold back the loud snort of laughter that peppered from my tightly pursed lips. My eyes flew open, and I saw Indigo giving me an unimpressed look from the front. Well, as unimpressed as he could manage without ruining his serenity.
“A few more deep breaths,” Indigo said, checking on me one last time before closing his eyes again.
Ash leaned in close and said, “Is it the kind of boy you can sweat out of your system?”
Our eyes met, and I shook my head slowly. “I don’t know anymore. But it’s worth a shot.”
“Oh, boy. I know that look.” She gave a knowing nod. “He’s got you whipped.”
Indigo called an end to the meditation and started walking up and down the rows of people, talking us through our breathing and positions. I barely heard him but followed what the woman in front of me was doing. Ash, in turn, followed me.
Starting with a warrior pose, I kept my gaze trained on my fingertips and said, “It just got really complicated, really quickly.”
“That’s how you know you’re having fun,” Ash responded without hesitation, biting back a smile.
I shook my head. “I’m being serious. There are people… I don’t want anyone to get hurt, and the deeper I get into this, the more inevitable that feels.”
“Two more deep breaths,” Indigo’s melodic voice directed. “Then we move into tree.”
“You can’t get caught up in people outside of the relationship,” Ash whispered. “It’s always gonna be messy. Focus on the two of you.”
“I can’t,” I replied. “The people outside of us aren’t just… I care about them. Love them.”
“Ooph.” Ash looked at me when we switched poses, her eyes offering a deep understanding. “I don’t think you can sweat your way through that, Scarlett.”
I knew she was right. The proof was in the fact that I was still talking about him when forgetting he was the reason I’d come to yoga that morning.
“He’s really great, though,” I said then, despite myself. “And if it weren’t for… people… I don’t know.”
“Two more, and we’ll move slowly into downward facing dog.” Indigo’s voice was closer that time, and I pulled my attention back to my body, not wanting to get caught out again.
“If you can see a future with him,” Ash whispered, “then don’t you think it’s worth working it out with the other people? If they loved you back, they’d make an effort.”
A future with Luca? I knew my heart had been toying with that possibility, but it felt so weird to hear her say the words. I had no business thinking that way. He was so much older than me. He had his own family and life and business… And then there was Christopher.
“I don’t know,” I mumbled, welcoming the rush of blood to my head pulsing in my ears.
It gave me something tangible to focus on other than the swirling storm of unanswered questions inside me.
“He has a kid,” I said, thinking out loud.
Ash dipped her head so she could make eye contact with me. Her expression told me everything I needed to know about what she thought about that development.
“For real?” she asked. “You’ve gone soft over a baby daddy?”
