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We are listening to Susan Smith tell us about her five ex-husbands and this really isn’t how I imagined this search for Susan going, but psychic Susan is a real sweetheart despite all the exes, so I just nod politely and pet Wimbles who lounges on my lap. Will interviews as normal despite the wild answers he receives, and he had attracted three of the cats, which all sat at his feet, rapt with attention.
“So, when my last husband said he’d rather have turkey than chicken, I said I’d rather have a divorce and that was it. At this point, I know when things are not going to work out.” Susan says, as if she was retelling what she ordered for lunch rather than her most recent divorce. “Enough about me though, tell me your troubles, Will. Don’t try to deny it. I can see the scars in the way you hold yourself.” Susan says, and I’m impressed at her ability to read people. Though, Will’s cynicism about love probably bled through when he asked her what could possibly entice her to marry for a fifth time.
“My ex cheated on me. I have trust issues now.” Will confides and while he says it easily enough, unlike Susan’s ease while discussing her multiple divorces, Will seems detached.
“Are you going to let that define all your future relationships?” Susan asks and somehow, she manages to just seem curious rather than judgmental.
“Probably.” Will says and Susan chuckles at his easy admission.
“Well, I will tell you a little about my experience, which you can choose to ignore. When husband number two cheated on me, I really thought that if I looked at myself objectively, I would see why he did that, but eventually I realized that it had nothing to do with me. That all came from him. He didn’t cheat on me because I wasn’t enough. He cheated on me because he was a jerk. I had to learn that I was enough and was loveable and that a good person wouldn’t cheat on me. And you know what, husband number three didn’t cheat! He just gambled away our retirement.” Susan explained, and though she was talking to Will, I internalized her words. Wesley hadn’t broken my heart with his infidelity, but it had shaken my self-esteem. It was important to remember not to make his choices reflective of my worth.
“Thank you, that is good to remember, but I would also appreciate a little of your foresight. Could you let me know who my wife is?” Will asks playfully.
“Sure, she is in this room!” Susan proclaims her eyes on me. Will follows her gaze to my shocked face and gives me that mischievous smile that says he knows exactly how to play this and me.
“I never thought I would be husband number 6.” Will replies, shooting Susan a wink.
“Charmer.” Susan says as she swats at him.
Soon after that we leave psychic Susan, and as we walk back out to the car, I’m thinking she is my favorite Susan so far. We are climbing into the car when the rustle of footsteps alerts us to Susan standing in the stairwell. She waves at us before calling out, “David, if you want to earn Susan’s forgiveness, you will have to make her laugh.” My dad nods as if that made sense, while I stifle a laugh as I climb into the car. If this Susan was correct, my dad would need to practice some jokes before we found Susan and Will needed to start being a lot nicer to me.
A text from Lilli arrives as soon as we get to our hotel.
Lilli: Kiss or kill?
Me: Marry, at least according to psychic Susan.
Lilli calls me as soon as she sees my text, which isn’t surprising because she is way too invested in me and Will’s every interaction and is obsessed with the supernatural. She is squealing with delight when I answer, and I can hardly understand a word she says.
“Am I going to be your maid of honor?” She asks expectantly.
“No, because there isn’t going to be a wedding, Lilli. Psychic Susan was nice, but she was a bit crazy.” I explain, laughing at her excitement.
“I don’t know, Han. Sounds like she caught the vibes between you and Will that I did.” Lilli points out as if that made Susan’s psychic predictions undebatable.
“You thought I would kill or kiss him. That is hardly marriage. Plus, most days definitely lean towards killing.” I say.
“It hasn’t even been a month. That can change.” Lilli dismisses my argument completely and then grills me on the minute details of the visit with psychic Susan.
“You think she will do a reading over the phone for me? I could really use some help to find my soulmate.” Lilli says when she finishes asking me about the color of each of Susan’s cats.
“I don’t think you need any help with that. You find a new one every month.” I tease.
“That is exactly the problem. I’m too compatible!” Lilli complains, and I dissolve into a fit of giggles. I love her.
Chapter 12
We’ve met so many Susans by the time we roll into Nevada that I can hardly keep track of them. Some certainly stood out though, and those Susans were usually featured in the vlog and given nicknames. There had been Hippie Susan in Colorado, who had offered us joints and healing crystals. Dad had politely declined, but she still cleansed our chakras before we left. Will was still annoying, so that obviously hadn’t worked.
Rancher Susan in Wyoming had chased away the New York scum (Will) before she listened to our story and realized we weren’t trying to buy her ranch and develop it. Afterwards, she apologized profusely and offered us some freshly baked bread.
Almost every Susan in Utah had offered us a casserole. We had shepherd’s pie, tuna casserole, enchilada casserole, and basically every other variation of casserole possible. At least it was better than more fast food.
Librarian Susan had been too quiet to hear any of her answers to Will’s questions. He kept asking her if she could speak up, and I swear each time she got quieter. She did have some great book recommendations, though, which I read during the long hours in the car.
Conspiracy Susan had called us government spies and slammed the door in our face. When we did leave, she followed us in her car for about a mile, all the while recording us on her cell phone. Dad eventually pulled over and asked her to stop.
Activist Susan had used Will’s interview to address the injustices she saw in the world. We learned all about poor water management, the plight of the American wolf, and how antibiotics use in livestock was going to be the end of the world. She made some good points, but she also spit while she talked, which was distracting. Dad kept trying to discreetly dodge her spittle, while Will was struggling to keep from laughing.
