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However, what Lily had that Brenda lacked—and Brenda had many fine attributes: she was intelligent, beautiful and driven—was heart. Lily had a huge heart, always thinking of others, often before herself.
Sure, Lily challenged him at times—she certainly had a smart mouth to go along with that big heart. But it was her compassion that set her apart from the rest.
A pang of regret twisted in his gut. He felt like a bastard for treating her the way he had yesterday. It was the only way he could make the emotional break from her. He was damn lucky that she hadn’t insisted on a clean break and left him and the kids high and dry to fend for themselves.
He would’ve deserved it—the same way he deserved the cool greeting he’d received when she brought the kids home after the first long night at the holiday market. He’d also deserved the sleepless night that had him tossing and turning into the wee hours of the morning, thinking about what a jackass he’d been to kiss her and cut her loose. But she and the kids, they were just getting too close…
He hated that about himself, that need to push people away when they got too close. That was the one thing he’d change if he could, but he was powerless. It was like asking an elephant to downsize. He certainly wasn’t proud of this disconnect, but he didn’t know how to change.
The kids would be so much better off with two adoptive parents who would welcome them as part of their family. But he kept circling back to the reality that so far Cam Brady hadn’t had any luck finding a family that wanted to adopt four kids. With each passing day, hopes of that happening before the end of the year grew dimmer and slimmer.
Thank God for Lily. He’d been grateful when she’d arrived right on schedule. She’d quietly busied herself while he’d poured himself a travel mug of coffee. But there’d been no fresh-baked cinnamon rolls, none of the personal niceties that she’d gone out of her way to provide in the past. He had definitely been left to fend for himself, and he deserved it.
As Cullen took a long draw on his Scotch, Jake Lenox, an internist at Celebration Memorial, walked in with his girlfriend of the moment, a leggy brunette his coworkers had nicknamed Miss Texas. Jake was proudly showing her off like the trophy she was, but Cullen had to wonder if Jake was really happy.
Of course, on the surface, who wouldn’t be happy to be with such a beautiful woman? Miss Texas was one of several beauties who had been in Jake’s life over the years. The guy tended to be a serial monogamist. But Miss Texas had been around longer than some of the others. Was his friend actually getting serious?
Cullen knew he was guilty of similar romantic crimes. While Jake dated one woman for a few months before moving on, Cullen had an endless revolving door of short-term beautiful women. Funny how that door had stopped revolving once Lily and the kids had arrived. Had he given Lily the brush-off yesterday so he could reopen that sad process? Honestly, it didn’t even seem appealing right now. In fact, it felt like going backward.
Since he didn’t know what he wanted right now, it was best not to do anything.
Jake waved at Cullen and steered Miss Texas toward that end of the bar. Cullen knocked back the last of his Scotch.
“Hey, buddy, are you alone?” Jake asked.
“I’m waiting for someone.”
“Let me buy you a drink while you wait,” said Jake. “Have you met Dorenda?”
“Yes, we met at Quinn Vogler’s Labor Day party.”
Dorenda simpered and offered Cullen her cheek. As any gentleman would, he kissed her. In the process he nearly choked on her perfume and almost lost an eye compliments of a shellacked curl.
Jake left the two of them alone while he ordered the drinks.
“Have you eaten here before?” Cullen asked.
“No,” she said. “I’m from Dallas.”
“What do you do in Dallas?”
“I’m a model.”
Not really in the mood for small talk, Cullen glanced at his watch. Was Brenda standing him up?
Order placed, Jake rejoined the party and started talking shop. Forty-five minutes later, while Cullen was halfway through drinks with Jake, Brenda finally arrived.
“So sorry I’m late. I had to go back to the hotel and freshen up. I spent the whole day at Celebration Pediatrics. Looks like it could be a good fit. Although, if I do come on board, several things will have to change.”
