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No one else had ever told her that. She’d had sympathy, she’d had questions why, and she’d had anger at her decision…but no one had ever told her she was brave for what she’d done. Even she had thought it was fear driven…that she was scared she would die like her sister. And that was true, but it still did take bravery to make the decision, to follow through with it, and to do so when she knew it could and would change her life. And then to see the consequences of her actions unfold before her as she lost her marriage, her hope of having children, her self-esteem, and even her business. “Thank you, Cruz. That means a lot.”
* * *
She toldCruz she’d made the decision to have a mastectomy because she had the BRCA gene mutation. The same one her sister had. There was a possibility Eden might not get cancer, but her specialist told her the probability was much higher than for most people.
She’d talked about it with Grant, and he’d told her, he would stand by any decision she made.
He wanted children…badly…so when she told him she couldn’t bring a child into the world, knowing that the child could also inherit the gene, it became all about him.
He’d lost what he wanted most, and she suspected that he’d started looking for a replacement for her, soon after he heard that. The fact that their secretary had already been maneuvering herself into his life made the transition from Eden to her all the more convenient.
As if that hadn’t been enough, the clincher was when she showed him her new breast reconstruction. Grant hadn’t wanted to see Eden naked after her mastectomy, so she was reluctant to show him once she’d had her surgery. She hadn’t been able to have a nipple-sparing mastectomy, so while her breasts were a beautiful shape now, without the nipple, and with the scar that stretched across them, they were anything but the perfect pair he’d gotten used to.
Cruz could see that Eden was having a hard time telling him, but she said she wanted him to know, so he stayed quiet and let her continue.
“When Grant saw what my body looked like, he had a look of disgust on his face, and I knew then, that that was the end,” she said. “He’d told me that he would stand by me through everything…but his ‘stand by me’ had turned to a ‘couldn’t stand to look at me’ by then.” She took a sip of her water. “After that, I never wanted to have sex with another man as long as I lived. The look on his face had been devastating.”
Cruz could feel her pain, but even he would admit that he could never imagine just how heart-wrenching that must have been.
“Do you know what it’s like to take your clothes off and for the person you love to look at you with disgust?” He was nodding sadly. “Like you’re a fucking monster?” He grabbed her hands…they were shaking. “There is nothing that messes with your mind quite like that,” she said. “I felt ugly. I felt like any time I would do this again, I would get the same response…and each time it could kill me a little more.”
“What made you take another chance with me?” Cruz asked.
“I don’t believe in voodoo and all that supernatural stuff,” she said, “but…”
“But you’ve been brought up in Louisiana and you kinda do?” Cruz said.
She smiled and rolled her eyes around. “Crazy, eh?” He grinned. “Maybe just a little,” she said. “Seriously though…something just took over. From the minute I’d locked myself out of the house, I was on a journey I had to travel.”
She raised her eyebrows and grinned, so he said:
“So Crazy Cruz got dem legs to move…and they headed in my direction. Now you’ve got no control over your own sweet soul, ’cause it’s under the spell of my affection.”
“Wow!” She was shaking her head and smiling. “Wow, wow, wow…that was pretty cool.”
“Yeah…I don’t know where that came from…”
“But it’s true. You’ve got me under your spell, Crazy.”
She moved in and wrapped her arms around him. There would be plenty of time to revisit the conversation. She’d told him enough for now. Bits and pieces were less emotionally draining, and all she needed was a hug.
18
BECK AND CALL
“So,how are we going to do it?” Brian asked Jimmy.
“You tell me,” Jimmy said. “You’re the one who knows this fucker. We need to get him away from the others.” Brian nodded in agreement. “Well?”
“What?” Brian asked.
“How the fuck are you going to do that?” Jimmy said.
“Shit,” Brian said. “I haven’t had a chance to think about that.”
“Well, you’d better, because unless we can get him alone, we’re fucked. We can’t take out the lot of them.”
Brian said the only thing he could think of, “Eden,” then he regretted roping her into this as soon as the words left his mouth.
