Page 66 of House of Clouds


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“It wasn’t you, Kate. Sure, she was furious about that, but she was already starting to go off the rails.”

“No. You’re wrong. It is my fault. She knew how much I liked Ethan and also that I was dying to play music with him. She was scared she was going to lose me, and I didn’t make her understand that it wasn’t true.”

Mark took her wrist. “We’re not at fault. It took me years of therapy to realize that. Missy was a drug addict, in the end. And nothing would have changed what happened. It was her choice. All of it. You have to accept that.”

The tears started to spill down her cheeks. “No, you’re wrong.” She dug her heels into her eyes trying to stop the flood.

She rose, placing her cup down on the table. “It’s late. I’d better go. Thanks for a lovely evening. Please tell Bunny I appreciate it.” She walked to the deck steps and made her way down them into the night.

* * *

Around her, the night air hung heavy with moisture.Definitely snow in the air, she thought. Staring out to the lake, she could almost imagine tiny flakes floating around in the sky, but realized a moment later it was the lights from a few of the houses on the opposite shore. The wooden dock beneath her shifted ever so slightly in the stiff breeze that made the currents. She shivered in her pea coat. Really, she needed to get herself a heavier coat.

The water lapped heavily against the posts below her. It wasn’t a night to be admiring the lake, but she knew that wasn’t what had drawn her here after leaving Mark’s. She shook her head, trying to dispel the words that echoed in her head. Mark’s words. And here she was pushing herself toward the punishment she knew she deserved. To negate Mark’s words, no matter how tempting they were.

She stared at the water, trying to imagine Missy, desperate, grieving, hurt. Above her, clouds started to shift and for a few moments, it cleared enough so that the moon appeared, bright and confounding in its mirror image in the lake. And beside it, for just the briefest of moments, was Ethan’s cabin, floating beside the shivering moon. She sniffed, smiling at its almost determined effort to appear and laughed at its fight with the clouds that warred overhead with the moon. The phrase from the “House of Clouds” drifted through her mind.

Build it on the moonlit cloud

To which I looked with thee.

She repeated the words, watching as slowly, the clouds took over again, and the house was engulfed by them. But the image lingered in her mind, and the phrases that went with them, all mingling together and becoming something more. Something with a melody that took root in her mind. She looked over at the cabin, a faint light still on downstairs. Should she go to him? What would she tell him? A few bars of music and an odd phase or two and his problems were solved. She snorted. She needed to solve her own problems first. All Ethan would probably see was that her life was a mess. And it would be the truth.

Thirty

Kate blew on her plate, the heat from the melting cheese and sizzling tomato sauce prompting the move. Despite its high temperature, Kate inhaled the aroma of the herbs and tomatoes of Gino’s pizza special, an old favorite. She’d been glad that at least this one thing hadn’t changed in Somerton Lake. College students still crowded the table, with the odd scattering of townspeople and high schoolers in this late afternoon, only a week before Thanksgiving.

Opposite her, Zig picked up a piece of his pizza, taking a large bite out of it, and then waved his hand in front of his face, his mouth opening slightly, his eyes watering.

“All these years and you still haven’t learned how to eat pizza?” asked Ethan, his voice filled with laughter.

Zig glared at him, downing a full glass of water before speaking. “Don’t mock me. Waiting on a Gino’s pizza is impossible.”

“Yet Kate and I manage to do it.” Ethan shook his head. “It’s all about learning restraint. Maturity. Face it, you’re no more mature now than you were as a college student. No wonder you’re dating one.”

Kate looked at Ethan beside her. She’d been glad to accept his invitation to join the two of them at Gino’s, but she had been surprised when he’d slipped into the booth next to her and not Zig.

“Zig’s dating a college student?” she said and turned to stare at him. “A Somerton College student?”

Zig frowned. “What’s the problem? I’m not that much older than her. She’s a senior.”

Ethan laughed. “As I just said, you’re just about the same in terms of emotional maturity.”

“Doesn’t it feel strange,” said Kate, “dating someone from the college you left years ago and well, she’s still there? Attending classes. Studying, taking exams. That seems so long ago for me.”

Zig shrugged. “I like her. She’s cool. We have things in common. She’s a gamer. And she loves music. I’ve seen her collection. She knows her stuff.”

Ethan looked at Kate, raising his brows.

“Is that code for something else?” asked Ethan. “Or have you shared Spotify lists?”

Kate laughed and Zig gave Ethan a mock glare. “I’m serious, man. She’s cool. I want you to meet her, you’d like her.”

Ethan’s face shut down. “It’s not that serious, Zig.”

“No,” said Zig. “Really. She’s cool.”

Ethan looked over at Zig, studying his face. “Fine,” he said, eventually. “Bring her over sometime."

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