Page 153 of Queen of Roses


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“I’ve missed you, too,” she whispered.

I studied her face. So thin and weary. “Do you remember that night in the Great Hall?”

“The night you suddenly vanished? Without even saying goodbye? How could I forget?” Her voice was dry.

“I’m sorry.” I hesitated, then asked, “What ever happened to the woman you danced with that night?”

I watched as she took a deep breath. “So much has happened since then. It feels like that night was years ago.” She shifted in her bedroll, tucking her arm beneath her head. “Arthur was furious when you left in the night, you know. So was Agravaine. And it was the strangest thing. Florian went missing that same night. At first I think Arthur and Agravaine thought he’d left with you, snuck off on a mission without the king’s permission. I was terrified they might be right. Can you imagine? Florian following along?” She shuddered.

I said nothing, but my heart was beating faster.

“Sir Ector said they considered sending men after you, but in the end decided not to bother.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Well, they found a note Florian apparently left. He said he’d decided to leave Camelot for a while and visit Tintagel.”

“Tintagel?” I repeated.

She nodded. “Strange, isn’t it? That he should leave the very night you did. In the storm, in the dark. And that he would suddenly have such a strong desire to visit a land of rocks and fisher people.” She gave a wry chuckle. “Rather awkward, too, now that we’re at war with them and he hasn’t come back. His father was absolutely furious, as you can imagine.”

“Yes. Very strange,” I said weakly. What would Lancelet say if I told her the truth? Her expression was so calm and knowing. I didn’t want to tell her about that terrible night and yet I didn’t want tonottell her either.

Suddenly I wondered if she already did know. Just how much scrying had Merlin done since I left?

I let my friend look into my eyes, without trying to hide anything that might be there. I let her see it all. My blood-stained conscience. My sorrow for what I had done, deserved or not.

After a moment, Lancelt slowly nodded. There was a sadness in her expression that had not been there before.

I watched as she flipped onto her back, resting her hands over her stomach. “Anyhow, the girl... The one I was dancing with. I don’t know if she’s dead or alive. She disappeared. I suppose best scenario, she’s in a dungeon somewhere under the castle. Rotting away. I had Sir Ector make inquiries. He couldn’t find her. But then, Arthur rather cut Sir Ector and Dame Halyna out of his inner circle.”

“Oh, Lancelet,” I murmured. “I’m so sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. She was just a woman. It was just a dance, Morgan. Yes, I liked her. Maybe I could have liked her a lot.” I could tell this was an understatement. “But it’s what Arthur did to her that matters. What he’s doing to everyone, everywhere. It can’t go on, Morgan. We have to stop him.”

“We will. For Kaye’s sake. For the people of Lyonesse. For all of them.” I listened to her quiet breathing in the dark for a moment. “What was it like to travel through the arch?”

She was silent for a while. “Honestly, it was awful. The first thing I did when I came through was throw up.”

“But what was it like as you went through? How long did it take? What did you see?” I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to know more. Part of me wished Draven hadn’t gone around the last arch. What if I could use them? What would it be like?

I heard her take a deep breath. “When you look up at the stars at night, do you ever imagine being up there? Flying among them? Through infinite space and blackness? Just pure nothingness, and you, a speck of dust among it all? That’s what it was like. I thought it might be beautiful. Or, I don’t know, a divine experience. I thought wrong. It was terrifying. How long did it take? An instant. A day. Forever. It was completely disorienting. I’m surprised my horse came through in one piece, with me still on it. Merlin said it might not.” She sighed. “My poor horse.”

“What do you mean? What happened to it?”

“The experience is too much for animals,” Lancelet said. “Merlin warned me it might be. The fae built the portals. They weren’t supposed to be used by mortals. Or even mortal horses, apparently.”

I felt a pricking in my stomach. “But you went through.”

“I had no choice. I had to get to you, quickly.” She hesitated. “Merlin said there might be... consequences.”

“What sort of consequences?” I asked, filled with unease.

“The horse only lasted a few days after traveling through the arch. I stopped riding it and mostly led it after the third day. I couldn’t just leave it behind. But it didn’t matter. Before we reached Orin’s Gate, it had already dropped dead. I pushed it off the path and covered it with branches and leaves. I didn’t want to just... leave it there.” She turned over to look at me. “I didn’t want to tell you, in front of the others. Rather grim, isn’t it?”

“It’s not the horse I’m worried about, it’s you. Why would Merlin send you through if it was so dangerous?” I was angry at her and terrified for her all at once. “I missed you, but I would never have wanted you to do something like this.”

“Well, it was my choice, wasn’t it?” Her voice was unexpectedly hard. “You weren’t there, Morgan. You don’t know what it’s been like back in Camelot for the rest of us.”

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