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She squinted. Looked. And looked again. Her breath strangled somewhere inside her. Was she finally so miserable that she was seeing things?
‘Hey.’ The Scottish lilt was strong. She couldn’t be imagining this. ‘I thought we should talk.’
Her hand went automatically to her hair, scrunched up in a dubious ponytail. She didn’t have a scrap of makeup on her face. Every imaginary meeting between them she’d had in her mind these last few days had been nothing like this.
‘Can I come in?’ She blinked and looked behind him. Three large cases.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m...visiting,’ he said cautiously.
She automatically stepped back. ‘I just texted you.’
‘I know.’ He smiled.
She shook her head. ‘I said I didn’t want to talk.’
‘And if you don’t then I’ll leave,’ he said steadily. ‘But I’ve flown five thousand miles. Can we have five minutes?’
She gestured to her sofa. ‘Five minutes.’ She moved quickly, picking up the empty wrappers from the cookies and chips that were lying on the coffee table.
Rhuaridh sat down heavily. He’d flown five thousand miles to talk to her.
Her brain was spinning.
She’d replayed their last moments over and over in her head. She’d always known he’d object to the title of the show—she’d even objected to it when she’d initially heard it. But because he didn’t go on social media, or the streaming network, she’d always secretly hoped he wouldn’t find out. She’d been lucky. Up until last week. And the timing had been awful because by that point she’d felt so hurt and angry that she hadn’t felt like explaining—hadn’t felt like defending the show.
‘How’s Jill?’ she asked.
He nodded. He was wearing jeans and a pale blue shirt that were distinctly rumpled. He gave her a thoughtful smile. ‘It’s baby steps. And everyone knows that. But she said I could let you know how she’s doing. She’s seen the CAMHS nurse and a counsellor. Two days ago she told me that she’d phoned the number in the middle of the night when her head was spinning, she couldn’t get back to sleep and she’d felt so alone. She told me she’d cried, and that the woman at the end of the phone had spoken softly to her until she’d fallen asleep again.’
Tears pricked at Kristie’s eyes. ‘It sounds like it’s a start.’
‘Everything has to start somewhere,’ he replied. It was the way he said those words, the tone, that made her turn to face him. ‘And so do we.’
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. ‘Kristie, I’m sorry, I feel as if this all spun out of control and I still can’t really work out why. Except...’ he paused for a second ‘... I probably put my foot in my mouth.’ He didn’t wait for her to reply before he continued. ‘The one thing that I know, and I know with all my heart, is that I love you, Kristie. I don’t want to be without you. And I don’t care where we are together, just as long as we get a chance to see if this will work.’
His words made her catch her breath.
He kept talking. ‘I hated how we left things.’ He shook his head. ‘I hate that we fought over...nothing. I love you. I can’t bear it when you’re sad. I can’t bear it when you’re feeling down. I just want to wrap my arms around you and stop it all.’ He gave a wry laugh, ‘And, yes, I know it’s ridiculous. I know it’s probably really old-fashioned.’ He put his hand on his chest. ‘But I can’t help how I feel in here.’
He took a breath. ‘When I told you that I loved you and you didn’t reply, I made a whole host of assumptions. Then my mouth started talking and my brain didn’t know how to stop it. I thought it was crazy to dare to hope we could be together. It’s what I wanted, but how selfish would I be to ask you to pack up your whole life for me? To move from your home, and your career, to be with a guy you’d spent a few days a month with?
‘So...’ he gestured towards the cases ‘...because I’m so hopeless with words I decided to try something different.’
