Page 99 of Demons and Darlings


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“Thank you,” I said as I stepped inside.

Alek nodded and closed the door behind us both. The room was what I expected it to be: one bed in the middle of the room, a small TV in the corner, and a bathroom that probably couldn’t be trusted.

“We can stay here for the night,” he said. “We’ll figure out a plan in the morning when we’re thinking clearly.” I watched as he ran his hand across his face, pacing the small room.

“Why?” I whispered. “Why are you helping me?”

Alek stopped pacing and looked at me. He shook his head and smiled lightly. “You have no idea what I would do to keep you safe, Lyra.”

I froze. Something in his gaze darkened. His jaw clenched, and my gaze dropped to his tattooed body. The energy between us became palpable. I wanted to reach out. I wanted to close the distance between us and touch him. I wantedhimto touchme.

My mind spun in circles.But Alek betrayed me. He hurt me. He didn’t care about me.It was mybloodhe cared about. This entire time, he was after one thing. Alek knew my secret now. It wouldn’t be long until he betrayed me like everyone else.

That was my destiny.

“I’m going to get us some food. Will you be okay here until I get back?” I nodded, not trusting myself enough to speak. “Okay,” he replied. “Don’t open the door for anyone. You still have the phone I gave you?” I pulled it from my pocket and held it up. “Call me if you need me.”

I watched as Alek left the room, closing the door behind him.

In the deafening silence, I could hear my own heart beating in my chest. Could hear my shallow breathing.Get ahold of yourself, Lyra.

I set my phone on the bed and walked into the bathroom. My skin felt disgusting from the basement. I needed to wash off every last inch of dirt from that hell hole. Every inch of my body needed to be scrubbed clean from the trauma.

It would be impossible. I knew that much. But it was worth a shot.

I turned the motel shower water on as hot as it would go.

What the hell had my life turned into? Showering in a cheap motel bathroom while a practical stranger found us food?

My stomach sank when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Dark circles engulfed my bloodshot eyes. My tear-stained face was paler than I had ever seen it, and bruises were beginning to form around my neck.

None of that scared me, though. What terrified me more than anything was the look of emptiness I saw in the mirror. Helplessness. Hopelessness.

Give up,a voice in the back of my head whispered.Give up now and save everyone the trouble of saving you.

I pulled my clothes off slowly. My muscles screamed at me with every movement, but I didn’t mind. I welcomed the pain. Pain reminded me that I was still here. I was still alive.

Without pain, I had nothing. That had been the case for most of my life.

There were many times, of course, that I had turned the emotions off. I had decided not to feel. The numbness helped for a while, especially when I had chains on both of my wrists in the darkness of Theia’s basement. Eventually, the numbness became obsolete.

Pulling yourself out of the darkness is much harder than surrendering to the pain.

I stepped into the scalding water, hissing as the heat rushed over my bare skin.

No amount of water would cleanse my past. No amount of water would make me feelclean and worthy.

I tilted my head back and let the water rush over my face. The heat washed the salty tears from my face, my neck, my chest.

I stayed there until the water turned cold.

The mirror in the bathroom was completely covered in steam. I was grateful for it; I didn’t want to see my reflection again. I didn’t want to face myself again.

I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body.

Alek still hadn’t returned with food, but I was thankful for the solitude. I left my clothes in the bathroom and moved to sit on the bed, fiddling with the remote.

I didn’t know what to think about Alek. He betrayed me. This entire relationship was a lie. All of it. My mind flashed back to his teeth sinking in my flesh, his lips against mine.

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