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Zaccheo walked into the room at that moment, and Sophie hastily excused herself. The gunmetal shade of his eyes and the self-loathing on his face made Eva’s heart thud slowly as she waited for the death blow.
He walked forward like a man facing his worst nightmare.
Just before she’d fainted, she’d told herself she would fight for him, as she’d fought for her sister and father. Seeing the look on his face, she accepted that nothing she did would change things. Her bare fingers spoke their own truth.
‘Zaccheo, I know you said...you loved me, but if it’s not enough for you—’
Astonishment transformed his face. ‘Not enough for me?’
‘You agreed to divorce me...’
Anguish twisted his face. ‘Only because it was what you wanted.’
She sucked in a breath when he perched on the edge of the bed. His fingers lightly brushed the back of her hand, over and over, as if he couldn’t help himself.
‘You know what I did last night before I came home?’
She shook her head.
‘I went to see your father. I had no idea where I was headed until I landed on the lawn at Pennington Manor. Somewhere along the line, I entertained the idea that I would sway your feelings if I smoothed my relationship with your father. Instead I asked him for your hand in marriage.’
‘You did what?’
He grimaced. ‘Our wedding was a pompous exhibition from start to finish. I wanted to show everyone who’d dared to look down on me how high I’d risen.’
Her heart lurched. ‘Because of what your mother and stepfather did?’
He sighed. ‘I hated my mother for choosing her aristocrat husband over me. Like you, I didn’t understand why it had to be an either-or choice. Why couldn’t she love me and her husband? Then I began to hate everything he stood for. The need to understand why consumed me. My stepfather was easy to break. Your father was a little more cunning. He used you. From the moment we met, I couldn’t see beyond you. He saw that. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive that, but he brought us together.’ He breathed deep and shoved a hand through his short hair. ‘Possessing you blinded me to what he was doing. And I blamed you for it, right along with him when the blame lay with me and my obsession to get back at you when I should’ve directed my anger elsewhere.’
‘You were trying to understand why you’d been rejected. I tried for years to understand why my father couldn’t be satisfied with what he had. Why he pushed his family obsession onto his children. He fought with my mother over it, and it ripped us apart. Everything stopped when she got sick. Perversely, I hoped her illness would change things for the better. For a while it did. But after she died, he reverted to type, and I couldn’t take it any more.’ She glanced at him. ‘Hearing you tell that newspaper tycoon that I was merely a means to an end brought everything back to me.’
Zaccheo shut his eyes in regret. He lifted her hand and pressed it against his cheek. ‘He was drunk, prying into my feelings towards you. I was grappling with them myself and said the first idiotic thing that popped into my head. I don’t deny that it was probably what I’d been telling myself.’
‘But afterwards, when I asked you...’
‘I’d just found out about the charges. I knew your father was behind it. You were right there, his flesh and blood, a target for my wrath. I regretted it the moment I said it, but you were gone before I got the chance to take it back.’ He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it, then her palm before laying it over his heart. ‘Mi dispiace molto, il mio cuore.’
His heart beat steady beneath her hand. But her fingers were bare.
‘Zaccheo, what you said before I fainted...’
Pain ravaged his face before he nodded solemnly. ‘I meant it. I’ll let you go if that’s what you want. Your happiness means everything to me. Even if it’s without me.’
She shook her head. ‘No, not that. What you said before.’
He looked deep into her eyes, his gaze steady and true. ‘I love you, Eva. More than my life, more than everything I’ve ever dared to dream of. You helped me redeem my soul when I thought it was lost.’
‘You touched mine, made me love deeper, purer. You taught me to take a risk again instead of living in fear of rejection.’
He took a sharp breath. ‘Eva, what are you saying?’
‘That I love you too. And it tears me apart that I won’t be able to give you children—’
