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“Oh, sorry. We only tellfriendswe love each other, okay. As I was saying, who wouldn’t want to come home to their hotfriendtied up in a pretty red bow for them to unwrap.”
“Ugh,” I groan. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked Mindy to help me find the perfect birthday gift for a guy who has everything. “I wouldn’t even know how to put that thing on.”
“I can help you.”
“No!”
“Why not? I can be in and out. Come on, it’s not like I haven’t seen a naked woman before.”
I put my hand up. I don’t need to hear anymore. “If I even consider this, I’ll do it myself.”
“Whatever, your call. I did see an extra-large synthetic penis. Maybe you two can—”
“I’ll take the ribbon!”
“Sweet.” Mindy walks off to wave down an employee while I stare at the poor mannequin. “You look uncomfortable,” I tell her. She doesn’t talk back. Probably cause she’s too uncomfortable. And not real. My shoulders rise and fall with a deep sigh. What people do for love.
God! I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to saying that. Love. “Ha!” I’m in love. “Strange times. . .” I shake my head and purchase the most expensive ribbon I’ve ever owned.
I can do this. Totally got this.I am woman, hear me— “Ugh,” I bend over, holding my stomach. My nerves are going bonkers. What was I thinking? I wasn’t. Mindy was thinking for me. Who let the part-time porn star pick out my outfit?You did. You can only blame yourself.
Okay, maybe I don’t got this.
My phone dings. I snag it out of my pocket as I walk into Theo’s building.
Mindy: Last chance. Let me know if you need help. Tell him I have this terrible rash and need you to investigate.
Ew.
Me: I’ll pass. But I expect you to sue that place if I end up putting this on wrong and choking myself to death. Make sure to tell them I was not into asphyxiation before this.
Mindy: I’ll delete your browser history too. I got you xoxox
“Evening, Miss Evans.”
“Hey, Grant.” I greet Theo’s doorman. “Theo is expecting me.”
“I’m aware. Enjoy your evening.”
I wave and head up the elevator. Nothing says happy birthday like a nice card and a homemade cake with fresh buttercream frosting. Butnooo. I had to go and get creative, and now there’s a chance I might suffocate myself before I even give him his gift. There’s no way I’m getting it on by myself. My hand starts to shake, and I reach for my phone to text Mindy back because I think I need her but miss my chance because Theo’s door opens. “Hi!” I jump into his arms and hug him. Dammit, I’m so nervous.
“Miss me that much, huh?”
“Yep!” And I’m about to make a fool out of myself. I pull away and adjust my top.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
“You seem. . . never mind. Come in. All the ingredients you asked for were delivered.”
After I give him the show of a lifetime, or he cries over my suffocated corpse, I plan on cooking him the most delicious birthday meal. “Awesome. And again, I could have paid for everything. Seems silly paying for your own birthday meal.”
“Stop. And I plan on having you pay me back in other ways.”
I smile, but I think it comes out slightly crazy looking. Jesus, calm down, Fay. “I mean. . . I know I’m a treat, but wait till you taste my homemade frosting.”
He reaches out and tugs me into him. His lips graze mine until he offers me the sweetest kiss. “Doubt that.” I don’t know. My buttercream is pretty badass.
