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“There’s no one here except Dave VanHuesen and he’s always drunk. He doesn’t care.”
She wasn’t wrong. It was a slow Tuesday afternoon. “I guess you’re right.” He scooped up the ten Nigel had left and went to the register. Nigel was kind of a tightass. The drink was top shelf whiskey and cost nine dollars.
“At least you’re not running away from me,” Angel said. “That’s a huge improvement in our relationship.”
“I’m tired of running.” He put the ten dollars Nigel had left in the register. He took the dollar tip out and shoved the register drawer closed. He took the single and put it in the jar they had to support Beaver Bend’s PeeWee Hockey League. “Lay it on me. What’s my message?”
Maybe Kendra would have amazing advice for him. Maybe she would tell him he was a terrible disappointment to her. At any rate, he was done hiding and avoiding. If he wanted to move forward with his life and be content with what he had, which was a lot, he had to face the past.
“Seriously?” Angel looked stunned. But then she continued without waiting for a response, as if she was afraid he’d change his mind. “She wants you to know she’s in a good place, Sullivan. And that’s she’s proud of you for how you’ve been raising Finn.”
He’d been prepared for Angel to say something like that. He wasn’t even sure he believed in ghosts or messages from the other side. Which is why he was surprised it still managed to kick him in the gut. His nostrils flared as he struggled to contain his emotions.
That was a hard one.
If Kendra had thought, in any way, that he’d fucked up raising their child, it would have killed him. There was no doubt in his mind she would have done better than him, but he didn’t want to screw it up royally.
When he didn’t say anything, Angel kept talking. “She wants you to be happy, to find love again. She wants that for you.”
He reached for a beer from the chiller. “It feels like a betrayal to Kendra. To go on and be happy with someone else when she’s not here.”
“It’s not. It’s a betrayal to her memory to just be miserable. Those are her words, not mine.”
That did seem like something Kendra would say. She’d been selfless.
Like Eddie.
“I’ve been scared to lose another woman I care about. I wasn’t sure I could fall in love again, but I’ve been lonely. Really damn lonely.”
“Until now.”
There was no point in denying it. “Until now.”
“All that could have been avoided if you had just listened to me three years ago.”
He twisted the cap off of his beer and eyed her. “How do you figure that?”
“You would have forgiven yourself for Kendra dying a long time ago and you wouldn’t have hesitated with Edwina.”
“First of all, I do not blame myself for Kendra’s death.” But even as he said it, he knew he was lying. In the back of his mind, he’d always felt like if he hadn’t gotten her pregnant, she could have gotten treatment and survived. But then he wouldn’t have Finn. It was a horrible circle with no real answer. “Second of all, Eddie has a boyfriend. That’s the issue here. Not me hesitating.”
“She wanted you to tell her that if she left him, you’d be there for her.”
“I’m pretty sure I did tell her that.” That’s the way it had sounded to him. “She asked me what I brought to the table.”
“Don’t let your pride rule your actions.”
And he was done with this conversation. “Okay, Minnesota Medium. I listened. Kendra wants me to be happy. Now go away.”
She sipped her seltzer and didn’t move.
“Don’t you have a shop to run?”
“I’m closed on Tuesdays.”
“That’s random.”
“I’m random.”
