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I can hear Keelin speak to the crowd, causing another eruption of cheers. Heat rises from my neck to my face at the sound of his voice, and I think about Bret in the limo, Keelin on the beach, and then Jack in New Orleans… which started this whole fucking mess to begin with.
These men want to own me, possess me, or hold me down, but I was never meant to be tamed. I catch Rob’s eye from the crowd and give him a nod. A smile spreads on his face and he leans over to tell the security guard to let me up. Rob is being a troublemaker, and I kinda like it.
After the first song, Rob switches up the chords and launches into Taking the Fire. Keelin gives him a menacing look. I walk through the crowd and the security guard helps me up on the stage. I stride across the platform and take the mic from Keelin. The angry look on his face only fuels me further.
Rob smiles mischievously as Keelin moves to the side of the stage, no longer having a place as front man for the band. I launch into the song and the crowd lets loose. I’m still wearing my soiled skirt, my legs are bare, and I’m wearing my combat boots. The oversized Ruin shirt is tied at my waist, leaving a smooth patch of my belly exposed. My dark hair flies around my face, getting tangled in the process.
It’s a cacophony of sound, bodies, and hands feeding me. I eat it up as if I am starving. I use every inch of the stage, my body emphasizing the music and I lose myself. My voice is rough as I belt out the lyrics, Rob singing harmony. I don’t have anything to prove to these men, and I am no one’s doll to dress up and pose.
I don’t look for Keelin but I know he’s seething on the side of the stage because I just fucking owned his band and this crowd.
The song ends and the adrenaline courses through my body, but I’m spent. I collapse on the stage, letting the microphone drop from my hand and roll to the side. Hands reach out for me from the pit and sweat coats my skin. Rob reaches out a hand to help me up with a huge smile on his face. He knows the truth, and so does everyone in this club.
I own this stage.
Rob makes a dramatic bow as everyone is clapping and yelling. I make my exit, intending to get as far away from this place as possible, but as the crowd parts, I see him… the only person to ever own me, but not anymore. Still, my body reacts and my heart pounds in my chest. L.A. is a big city but the music industry is small, and we all swim in the same fishbowl. I knew I would run into him at some point, I just didn’t think it would be tonight.
Not now, and not like this.
Not after that performance.
The look in his eyes is feral, possessive, and recalcitrant.
“Mia.” My name on his lips fills my veins with venom, a poison so lethal that if he says it again, I may not recover.
I stop in front of him, my chest heaving, and all I feel is despondent.
“Fuck, you are a force of nature,” he says to me and I want to catch on fire.
“LET GO OF me!” !” I yank my arm free from Jack’s grasp as tries to stop me from leaving. All I want to do right now is run as the adrenaline continues to pump through me. The cool air is welcoming against my heated skin as we stand off against each other in the parking lot.
“What do you want me to say?” he shrugs angrily, “That I’m sorry?”
“You’re not sorry, Jack,” I spit out, appalled that he would even think saying he’s sorry does anything for me. “You’re never sorry.” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. My bracelets fall down my arm, clinking together like a wind chime in the breeze.
“That’s not true. You think I wanted to fuck up my marriage and break up the fucking band?” I can hear the pain in his voice but I can’t give in to that, not anymore. I’m too tired, too broken, too hurt.
His voice softens when he adds, “Lose you?”
“I was never yours to have,” I yell back. The pain I feel for him, for all of us, is overwhelming. Nobody benefitted from what we did, what he did.
We all lost.
His eyes darken and his nostrils flare. “You were always mine.” His words carry a heavy weight. I am not someone to possess.
“You did it on purpose,” I say angrily, balling my fists at my sides. “You wanted to hurt Cash, and you wanted to hurt me because you were pissed.” He should have known how this would impact all of us, but he doesn’t think of the consequences, he never does. “You blew everything up because you’re a child! You didn’t get what you wanted, so you had a hissy fit on the plane.”
Jack paces, running his hand through his hair. He looks like prey that has been cornered. He knows he’s in trouble, and he can’t get out of this one.
I wonder what he has been doing all this time. Judging by the dark circles under his eyes, it hasn’t been sleeping. At least he doesn’t look like he’s been using again, but I know it’s only a matter of time.
“I know, Mia,” he whimpers. “I fucking know.” His hands run down his face as if he’s trying to wash away everything that happened.
“I can’t change it. I can’t take it back. Tell me what to do.” His voice is thick with desperation.
“Just leave me alone.” The band is dissolved, friendships broken, and marriages are torn beyond repair. There is nothing he can do.
“You and me,” he motions between us, “We can start again. Do it right this time.” His eyes are wide and pleading.
