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This shouldn’t be a big deal but somehow it has become an issue the size of the Grand Canyon. I’m trapped on a plane with too much testosterone, no wonder I’m weary.
“A couple months ago; when we had a week off after that long stretch of touring,” I explain knowing exactly what to avoid saying. I don’t want to admit to myself or to anyone that I had rushed it because of what happened between Jack and me in New Orleans. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved Cash. Being married young wasn’t an issue. My bones felt ancient as though I’d lived a hundred lives before I even turned twenty-five.
I’ve known Cash almost my whole life. We were either classmates or bandmates but we were always friends. When we are alone together, it’s as if he calms the storm that is inside of me.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone? We would have been there with you,” Wade said, obviously hurt that two of his best friends hadn’t included him on a day that was supposed to be special.
I think back to that day, the nervousness I felt, only because getting married had been built up in my mind. My mom had filled my head with the idea that it was supposed to be this monumental day full of prepping with makeup and huge puffy sleeve wedding dresses, making sure the flowers were arranged just so, and each guest had a little bag of candied almonds.
That wasn’t me. I didn’t have a white dress, not that I had any business wearing one. Instead, I found a black halter top, pairing it with a black leather jacket, a long white skirt, and my combat boots. I didn’t fuss over my hair but instead brushed it out nice, letting the waves fall over my shoulders, the way I knew Cash liked it.
My heart fluttered thinking back to seeing Cash for the first time on that day. He emerged from the hotel bathroom wearing an actual fucking suit, except he had his Van’s on because he didn’t have time to pick up a pair of dress shoes. The way his hand felt sweaty in the palm of my own gave me permission to be nervous too.
We arrived at the courthouse together, the court reporter our only witness, signed paperwork, and said our vows to each other. There was no chaotic schedule, no screaming fans, and my head felt clear for the first time that year. It was easily one of the best days I’d had in a very long time. The sun kissed my forehead that day, but it was nothing compared to the way Cash kissed me when the judge declared us legal. He’d claimed me, turned my insides to liquid with a promise to love me for better or worse. It was our secret, something I wanted to hold safe in the back pocket of my jeans for as long as I could.
Now, our secret was no longer safe.
“It was sudden. We decided to do it at the last minute while we had the free time.” I feel as though I have to defend my decision, as if these lunatics had anything to say about it. The plane ride is starting to get bumpy. I fucking hate planes. Give me a bus any day of the week.
“You’re pregnant!” Amber’s sudden declaration catches me off guard as if that is the only reason I would get married. I force myself not to lunge at her.
“No!” The absurdity!
“It’s not that sudden. We’ve known each other since high school and it just,” Cash pauses to give me an encouraging look, “felt right.” It felt so right.
“Whose idea was it?” Oh for fuck’s sake. I sigh at Jack’s irritating question. I know where this is going.
“We were going to tell everyone once we got back to L.A., have a party or something,” Cash says, deflecting the question.
“Interesting,” Amber says as Jack falls back into his seat as if someone pushed him. The plane begins to shift, causing me to grab onto the back of my seat to steady myself. The Fasten Your Seatbelt sign flashes ominously again. My stomach was uneasy before the plane takes a dip, but now it feels like it’s traveling up into my throat. I take my seat flashing a nervous look to Cash as I buckle my seatbelt. I can feel the tension on the plane like a thick blanket of air cutting off my oxygen supply. I know how volatile Jack can be, and this private jet is not big enough to contain the combustion I know is coming.
“Why is that interesting?” I watch as Amber turns to Jack.
“Just is,” Jack says in a flippant tone I know is nothing but flippant.
I don’t want to eavesdrop, but Amber is not even trying to be quiet. I focus my attention on Wade and Adam who are enthusiastically congratulating Cash and me. It’s nice to have friends who can actually be happy for us.
“I really wish I could have been there,” Wade smiles sadly.
“Yes, I love weddings.” Adam gives me one of his megawatt smiles.
“We’ll have a party once we get settled,” Cash says excitedly, placing a hand on my knee. I slowly move my fingers underneath his and intertwine them. I need to feel the connection between us, now more than ever.
“Don’t let this one plan it, though.” Wade points towards me and I know exactly what he is referring to.
“I’ve already apologized for the last 3 years,” I reply as I roll my eyes. He will never let me forget it.
“What?” Adam looks quizzically between Wade and me, always eager for a juicy story.
“This one hired strippers.” Wade gives me a pointed look.
“Female strippers?” Adam scrunches his nose in disgust.
“Oh no, she got me male strippers.” Wade looks at me pointedly.
“Well, what the fuck is wrong with that?” Adam asks. “You’re no prude.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively.
“Well, it wouldn’t have been an issue except that my parents came to town for my birthday.”
