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“Maggie,” Peter says quietly.
I start to say something but Peter interrupts me. “I loved her,” he sighs, “but then I fucked it up like I do everything.”
“I don’t mean to push you so hard,” I tell him.
“Yes, you do,” he chuckles. “I don’t want to be pushed, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need to be.” He takes one last swig of the flask and tucks it back in his pocket.
“I looked at the song you wrote,” I admit. “It’s beautiful.”
“What happened to privacy?” He raises an eyebrow.
“There is only one rule to writing songs, Peter. There is no privacy,” I say ominously.
He scratches his chin. “You really like it?”
“I think you got the beginnings of something great.” What he wrote, I can definitely work with.
Peter relaxes. “Well, alright then.”
“Only nine more to go,” I say, patting him on the shoulder and bursting his bubble.
“Okay, now you’re just fucking cruel,” he growls and kicks off the block.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I am Human, I am Flawed
I LOOK AT myself in the mirror, running my fingers through my hair. The thin braid gets tangled in the waves and feels awkward for the first time in my life. As I stare at myself, I realize I am not the same girl who wore this braid. It’s a reminder of who I used to be, and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I smooth down my hair, taking the braid out. This change feels significant - and so needed.
I apply some lip gloss before I sit down on my bed to lace up my favorite boots over my fishnet stockings. Smoothing my palms over the denim of my miniskirt, I don’t know why I’m so nervous. This is stupid. Cash has seen me naked, but why does a date feel so much more intimate?
There’s a knock on the door and I hurriedly grab my black leather jacket before I answer it. Cash stands on the threshold with his faded jeans, converse, and plain white t-shirt, taking my breath away. The butterflies pound around my stomach, and I press my hand to my torso to settle them.
“Hi,” Cash smiles shyly as he scratches the back of his neck.
“Hi,” I say back nervously.
We stand uncomfortably, staring at each other on the threshold of my loft. Cash on one side and me on the other. I’m on the balls of my feet, wanting to push forward, but I restrain myself.
“Why is this so awkward?” he laughs, cutting the tension.
“I don’t know,” I laugh even harder, shaking my head, but I do know that I don’t want to mess this up.
Cash takes my hand in his and that simple act silences me. I remember the first time I really looked at him as someone other than my friend. I used to think it was gradual, my feelings changing over time, but there was one moment when I knew he was so much more. Jack had overdosed and Cash was yelling at me, trying to get me to see how awful the situation was. Jack was about to become a father and everyone could see the impending train wreck but me. I remember slapping Cash in the emergency room because everything he was saying to me was true, I just didn’t want to hear it. I was angry, because at that moment, I knew it was possible to love someone other than Jack.
“Ready to go?” Cash’s smile lights me up inside. We walk down the hallway, and as soon as we get outside, I see an old Harley sitting at the curb.
“When did you get this?” I smile excitedly, circling the bike to take a better look at it. It’s a newer style Softail with a sissy bar.
“I always wanted one.” He watches as I run my fingers over the chrome handlebars and down the shiny black gas tank, to the soft leather seat.
“I didn’t realize you’d be wearing a skirt.” His eyes roam over my legs, “If you wanna go back in and change, I don’t mind.” The offer is sweet, but the sentiment is weak.
I accept this challenge. There’s no way I’m going back in to change. I might have been raised to be a lady, but I definitely didn’t turn out to be one. I shrug at him. “Do I get to drive it?” I ask expectantly, bouncing on the balls of my boots.
His eyes are filled with amusement as he shakes his head no.
“Just get on the back.” He kicks his leg over the body and adjusts himself on the seat. God, he looks good on that bike, and I’ll get on the back just so I can wrap my arms around his waist. There is no graceful way to get on a bike with a skirt, so I just go for it.
