Page 71 of Bonds We Break


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“I’m sorry,” I whisper into his hair and kiss the top of his head. “I left before he knew I was there.” As if that would make it any better.

Cash doesn’t say anything as I continue to run my hands through his thick hair. I feel his hand against my thigh, his fingernails digging into my jeans, pulling me further against him. There is a deep longing in his touch that matches my own. His mouth seeks out mine and he gently brushes his lips against me. I move the few centimeters needed to close the gap, pressing my lips to his. Achingly slow, he opens his mouth to me and I taste the salt of old tears on his tongue.

Slow, sweet kisses turn heavy and consuming as his hands roam and dig into my flesh. Gently, I pull the shirt over his head as he works to unzip my jeans and pull them from my body. My skin tingles under his touch and I ache for him. The kind of ache you feel deep in your bones when you know the person you love is hurting.

He unbuttons his jeans and pulls them down just enough so he can pull his already hard cock free. The motion is slow, deep, and satisfying as I sink down onto him, my hair falling in his face. He kisses me deep and long, to where I can hardly breathe. Low moans escape from his lips and vibrate against my neck as he trails kisses down to my breast. I tip my head back as I ride him, and he cups my breast with his hand, taking a nipple into his mouth. His hands never leave my body, cradling, kneading, pushing and pulling me until all I feel is heat.

I pull his face to me, afraid to look into his eyes because this feels different. We are chasing the connection we once had. I feel momentary glimpses of it, hiding deep within both of us, afraid to come to the surface.

His stormy grey eyes swim with emotion as I finally get the courage to look at him. He holds my stare, as I move over him, grinding, and pressing my clit into him. I moan with pleasure. He grips my hips, making me take him deeper. His mouth drops open and his eyes roll in the back of his head. I want to keep him on the edge for as long as I can, because once we have hit the peak, there is nowhere else to go but down.

He pulls me to him, burying his face against my chest. I slow my pace, determined to keep him with me for a little bit longer, but he begins to meet my pace, grabbing my hips, rolling me into him, deeper and harder. The friction between us was enough to start a fire; I am no longer in control. With each thrust, I whimper, my cries becoming louder, until I’ve hit the crest, unable to stop myself from falling apart around him. His hand moves to my cheek, his thumb grazing my bottom lip and I bite down, holding him to me as my body shakes. I can feel his cock jerk inside of me as my walls pulse around him.

He takes my nipple into his mouth, pulling from me the last bits of orgasm. I bring him closer against me, his mouth still latched on to my breast, sucking slowly, swirling my nipple with his tongue. I feel the pull deep in my belly until my nipple pops from his mouth.

Neither of us moves. He is still inside of me, and I’m afraid to let go. I know the moment I do, the spell will break, and reality will crash down upon us. A tear escapes and falls down my cheek. As if he can feel it drop down into his hair, Cash pulls back just enough to see the trail of wetness on my cheek. His tongue darts out, licking the side of my face until he’s kissing me, swallowing my tears. I can taste the salt on his tongue, and it is my undoing.

He finally lifts me off him and with a forced tone, he says, “I think you should leave.”

I knew in my bones this was coming, but I am still shocked when he says it. Cash leans forward to grab his shirt and throws it over his head, tucking his still semi-hard cock back into his underwear and zipping up his jeans. I gather my clothes and hug them to my chest.

“What?” I ask, stunned, pulling the shirt over my head and leaving my bra on the floor.

He stands up from the chair and runs his hand through his hair.

“Let’s not make this harder.” He won’t look at me; instead, he stands by the patio door and looks out at the ocean. “We both knew this was coming.”

I want to rest my cheek against his back and wrap my arms around his waist, but he has this impenetrable armor around him.

“Cash?” I say as I stand behind him.

He turns around, the look on his face somber, and it breaks me open inside.

I can fix this. We can get back what we once had if only I… I don’t finish the thought. “I shouldn’t have gone to his show, but I left before he saw me,” I try to explain.

“It’s not about that,” he says and turns away again.

“I just needed to see if he was okay,” I continue, trying to make him understand. He doesn’t need to be jealous. I did nothing wrong.

“Mia, stop.” He raises his voice, stilling me.

“I want you to be happy,” he tells me.

“I am happy,” I reply and reach for him.

“You’re not,” Cash responds before moving away from me. “We’re not.”

“We can be. Just give it time,” I beg, but I already know that no amount of time will bring us back to the people we were before. Before what? Before I got pregnant or before I was diagnosed? I don’t know anymore.

“I love you enough to let you go.” His stormy eyes are filled with enough turmoil to fill an ocean.

Anger forms inside of me. He doesn’t get to decide what I do, what happens to us. “Well, I don’t want to leave!” I say and follow him into the bedroom. “I don’t accept that.”

“You love him,” Cash states as he grabs a bag from the closet.

“I love you” I stop his hand from opening the dresser drawer, and he stills under my touch.

“You love him more; you always have. I just didn’t want to see it.” He gently moves his hand away from mine.

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