AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Because your magical pussy has struck again,” Peter laughs.
“How many fucking times do I have to tell you that it’s golden?” I give Peter a shove.
At least I can laugh about it. The public is going to think what they want to think and I can’t do anything about it. Rag magazines print articles that are false all the time. I’m no stranger to that, but I don’t want it to affect Cash. I’ve already put him through enough, and that picture with the caption implying that I cheated on him is more than one person can take.
Since I can’t ask Cash how he feels, I can only wonder what he thinks. That’s what he wanted anyway; for Jack and I to be together.
“Look, I’m the last person qualified to give advice, but I’ve seen you and Cash together.” He stands in front of me, commanding my attention. “There was real love there, and nowadays, that’s rare. But if a picture can tell a thousand words, that one of you and Jack on stage is one fucking epic story.”
I glare at Peter but then remember the song he wrote five years ago, the one about the girl he was in love with that died, Maggie, and I realize that maybe he’s more qualified than he thinks.
“You never told me what happened to Maggie.”
“Ah.” Peter lights up another cigarette, the smoke billowing from his mouth.
“You owe me, Peter,” I tell him.
He smiles sadly. “We were high school sweethearts,” he begins. “She came out to L.A. with me after we graduated. I started my band, we got some gigs, partied a lot, had fun, but Maggie just didn’t know when to quit. She got into the hard stuff, ya know? The stuff you can’t just walk away from.” Peter passes me the cigarette and I shake my head. “She was in and out of rehab, but it stuck when she got pregnant.”
“I wasn’t ready to be a father. I got scared and fucked around on her.” He peers at me with shameful eyes, but I don’t judge him. “She left me and went back home to Pacific Palisades. When I finally grew some balls to go see her, she said she had an abortion.” I can see his eyes start to fill up with tears, but Peter blinks them away. “It wasn’t something we could come back from.”
Peter kicks at the gravel and shoves a hand in his pocket. “I came back to L.A., got serious about the band, and tried to get her out of my head.”
“Months, maybe a year later, she showed up at one of my shows. I thought maybe we could start again, but then I quickly figured out that she was using again.” Peter’s eyes fill with remorse. “I found her…” He can’t finish the sentence. “She overdosed.”
I place my hand over my mouth and blink back the tears.
“I had no idea you had to deal with that, Peter. I’m so sorry.” I can imagine all too well what that must have been like for Peter, to find the person he loved, dead. I recall the moment Jack had overdosed on bad heroine I’d gotten for him, a moment I don’t like to think about. Fortunately, we were able to get him to the hospital in time.
“That’s why I dedicated the album to her, because every song was for her in some way. I have you to thank for helping me do that. I don’t think I could have written those songs if you hadn’t pushed me,” he admits, giving me a wan smile.
“It’s not easy to be in love with an addict,” I agree, trying to give him some solace, “But it doesn’t mean they aren’t worth being loved.”
We stand in silence for a long time as I mull over what Peter said. It hit me harder than he knows - or maybe that’s why he said it, because he does know. Either way, it’s a hard pill to swallow. I haven’t reached out to Jack, partly because I’m afraid, and the other half of me feels like it’s a betrayal to Cash, even though he wanted me to be happy. I can’t seem to want that for myself.
I’m a pussy, plain and simple. I won’t be able to stay in this suspended state for long. I know the pull between us is inevitable. I can already feel the pull inside of me, the string becoming taut.
I toss my cold half-full cup of coffee in the garbage can along with Peter’s. We enter the studio and everyone quiets. It’s as if a bomb will go off if someone speaks.
Jay looks to Peter for confirmation, and I know he’s trying to figure out if he told me they’re leaving Left Turn Records. Peter gives him a slight nod and Jay relaxes.
“You’re all a bunch of assholes,” I spout.
“You can keep Sam in the divorce,” Jay says pushing Sam forward, and he grumbles curse words.
“You’re an insensitive prick,” Peter yells at him, and all I can do is laugh.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Let the World Burn
PETER AND THE rest of the band left, promising - or rather threatening - to stay in touch. I watched them leave as they argued and pushed each other down the hall; such a familiar scene to me as I remember my own band dynamics. Cash and Jack were always arguing over something stupid, and Wade was trying to play peacemaker.
When Peter’s album went platinum, he brought a signed copy of it to the studio, which I made fun of him for and pretended to toss it in the trash. The truth was I was proud of that album and the fact that I had a hand in helping Peter write some really amazing songs. Bret helped me frame it and we hung it on the wall in the studio so that I could see a reminder of what I was capable of.
Seeing Peter today, and what he told me in the parking lot about Maggie makes me pull the album from the wall. I carefully take it out of its case and flip over the sleeve. I run my finger down the list of the songs until I get to the credits. At the bottom, under the copyright, it says, Dedicated to Maggie Leone.
She’ll forever be immortalized by this album, and she never got the chance to hear it. I suppose it’s more for Peter than for her, a way for him to honor what they once had. I guess that is what I have with all of the Mogo albums. We are forever immortalized by them, like being frozen in time.
