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“I worked for all of that, Beth! No one stopped you from having it, too!”
“You don’t understand.” She shakes her head as she walks into the kitchen, the same kitchen I was in months earlier, celebrating her marriage to Laura. The same kitchen where Ianna made me feel so welcome, and Florina shoved food in my hands to take home. “Lake, you filled a room with your presence, you sucked up all the oxygen, and I used to admire you, be in awe of you when we were growing up, until…” she pauses, “there wasn’t anything left for me.” She shakes her head sadly. “And then mom died and you just shut down, and I was alone.”
It feels like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room now, and none of it is by my doing.
“Well, you have it now, don’t you? The family you always wanted,” I say, gesturing around the house.
“Do you have any idea what it was like being married to Eric and feeling so alone?” Beth asks.
“Are you asking if I know what it feels like to be alone?” I scoff. “I’ve been alone for a long time.”
“It’s not the same, Lake. You chose to be alone!” Beth states.
I’m honestly taken aback. How could she think I wanted this?
“Steven was…” I pause, thinking of my conversation with Georgie, because there are things I never really told Beth. “He made me feel like I was always in the wrong, that I wasn’t good enough. He manipulated the truth so that I always blamed myself when things went wrong. He said Noelle wasn’t his, accused me of cheating!” A rock forms in my throat and tears threaten to spill over onto my cheeks. “So yeah, I chose to be alone rather than be with someone like him.”
Beth’s face is full of shock, slowly dissolving into sadness. I’ve never felt our differences as much as I do right now. Maybe we want the same things, but we have vastly different ways of getting it.
“You didn’t know that, did you?” I ask.
Beth’s eyes widen as she stands on the opposite side of the island, her palms pressed to the granite.
“You never wanted anyone to know you, Lake,” Beth says, frustrated. It feels like an insult, but it’s true.
“Because I didn’t want you to look at me like you are now, like I’m a weak,” I say, swallowing hard. I’m not as tough as everyone believes me to be. All those insecurities are tucked away deep down inside of me, because I don’t want anyone to see them.
“And now we’re right back to where we started, where everything is about you,” Beth says quietly. “What did you expect would happen after you pushed me away all these years? I’m finally happy, and Laura’s family is so wonderful,” Beth pauses. “Adrian is not someone you use to have fun with or live out some fantasy.”
“That’s not what I was doing!” I say, stunned.
“Then what was it, Lake? Because I’d really like to know.”
I want to tell her how Adrian made me feel like I was more than just someone’s mother, someone’s sister, or someone’s boss. That he made me happy, even if it was short lived.
But I can’t tell her any of that. I definitely can’t tell her that somewhere in between meeting him at the bar that night and now, I think I fell in love with him. What scares me is that I don’t really know, and Adrian deserves someone who does know.
“Does it really even matter now?” I ask, because for me, I already know it’s over.
Beth stares at me as if she’s contemplating whether she really wants to know. There have been so many confessions today, truths dug up that don’t belong in this kitchen.So when she nods yes, I’ve already decided I’m done.
“It’s nothing, Beth,” I say, feeling as if I’m deflating by the minute because when I deny it, I know exactly why I do it. It’s because I feel foolish for doing the very thing I told myself not to. “Just like you said, a sad older woman living out her fantasy.” I stare at her as if I’m daring her to counter this, and when she doesn’t, I turn around and leave.
25
EXPIRATION DATE
Lie to Me by Jonny Lang
Knowing there was always an expiration date, I just didn’t think it would hurt this bad.
If I don’t go to him, he will come to me. He made that abundantly clear in the multiple text messages he’s sent since that night at the bar. When my boots tap against the wood flooring, I can’t help but think about him and realize the fresh start I thought I would have in my home will be nothing but a reminder of him. Grabbing my purse on the kitchen island, I pass the spot where I’d stubbed my toe multiple times on the broken tile that’s no longer there. I don’t miss it, I would never miss it, but I will always remember it was there.
Wrapping a jacket around my shoulders, I head into the garage. A half hour later I’m parking in front of Adrian’s warehouse. Faded white letters on the brick above the open bay doors readCorvin & Son. The air is crisp as it whips around the brick building, lifting my hair from the collar of my jacket. Taking a few steps inside, I look around. The fluorescent lights above illuminate the open space surrounded by industrial shelving stacked with boxes. In the back is a small office with a Plexiglas window that looks into the warehouse.
Stopping in front of the wooden playhouse Adrian had been building for his nieces, I think of how much they will love it. When I’d first seen it months ago, it was only framed, but now the roof is on, false shutters flank the window, and the once exposed wood is now painted pink. When I peer inside, I notice the flooring is complete, a dark brown that looks sturdy enough to withstand muddy feet and dolls being dragged across it.
Smiling, I remember the one Noelle had as a child, except it was made of plastic and took me all weekend to build by myself. The door never closed right and there was a gap in the roof so that when it rained, the inside would be wet, but she didn’t care. She stayed outside for hours with her dolls and stuffed animals inside that playhouse until I made her come in to eat.
