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He leans forward again. “Please let me help you, Willow. Let me put them in their place before you drown in your misery.”
I blink at him. “Drown in my…what the heck are you talking about? I’mfine.”
“You’renot.”
“I am! I’m perfectly okay with who I am. I don’t need validation from those jerks.”
He shakes his head. “This isn’t about validation. If you’re not going to put them in their place, then I will.” He reaches for his phone.
I take his hand. “Colt, what’s really going on? Why are you acting like this? And don’t tell me you want to defend me or whatever. What happened to make you feel this way?”
Dropping his phone, he bends forward and runs his fingers through his hair a few times, messing it up like he’s a mad scientist. “The reason I care so much that they’re bullying you is because I’ve been there,” he whispers. I have to lean forward to hear every word. “I was tormented in middle school.” He glances up, and I see his eyes are glassy. “You’ve been through a lot today and I don’t want to make this about myself.”
“Yes, make it about yourself. It looks like whatever you’re going through is eating away at you. Please talk to me.”
He releases another heavy breath and rubs his hand down his face. “I was always the nerd in school. I didn’t have friends, but I was okay with that. Kids left me alone and I had my games and my coding, and my sister was my best friend. So I was okay. But that wasn’t the case in middle school.” He pauses to take a deep breath. “I kept to myself like usual, but for some reason a group of kids took it upon themselves to make my life a living hell…” He shivers, the memories probably taking over him. “They cornered me in the halls, knocked my books to the floor, they hit me and kicked me, they called me all sorts of names. They got the whole school to ridicule me, but it was only that group of guys who actually hurt me.”
I rub his back as my heart goes out to him. “Oh, Colt…”
He glances up at me with tears in his eyes. “I felt like I was less than them. Like I wasn’t a person. Like I had no purpose. I dreaded waking up in the morning. I dreaded going to school. Most days, I wished I’d…” His voice wobbles and he takes a deep breath. “I didn’t want to exist anymore.”
My eyes widen. “You wanted to…?”
He nods. “I did. I just couldn’t handle the pain and torture they inflicted on me. I was the most hated kid, not even a person. I was worse than the garbage they tossed away. My only salvation was lunchtime when I hid in the bathroom and ate. But after a while, they found out I was there and beat me up in the bathroom, where no one would see.”
I squeeze his shoulder. “And no one knew? Teachers? Your parents?”
He shakes his head. “Teachers were oblivious. And my parents…I didn’t tell them because I was ashamed. And they didn’t suspect anything because the kids hit my body and not my face. And if my mom noticed I was hurt, I’d lie and tell her I was goofing off with my friends. I pretended to have friends. Looking back now, I realize I should have told them, but…” He shrugs. “I was embarrassed.”
“But why did those kids pick on you?”
He holds up his hands helplessly. “I don’t know. I guess I was smarter than them and they didn’t like it. So I became their punching bag.”
I wrap my arms around him. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. Are you okay?”
He smiles weakly at me. “I’m okay now. My parents and I moved to Edenbury the summer before my freshman year. Mom got a new job and I was so happy to get away from those kids and put what happened behind me. But I realized that things could be exactly as they were in middle school. I was still a nerd who loved school. I couldn’t handle going through all that again, so I vowed right then that I would reinvent myself. I would start over. I would be the most popular guy at school and never go through that pain again.”
“You became the king of Edenbury High.”
He nods. “It wasn’t easy. I worked hard to be where I am today. I kept the real me a secret. I’d play my games and code in my room, where no one would see me. I pretended to care about the things the other guys cared about, and I guess I did something right because before I knew it, everyone wanted to be my friend.”
He’s one of the best-looking guys at school…so yeah, I can see how that happened.
“But…” He bends forward again. “I wasn’t happy. I mean, I told myself that I was. But lately, I’ve been feeling off. Not like myself. For the past two years, I was happy with how things were, but now I just feel lost and alone. And I know it’s because I’m not my true self. My friends aren’t true friends, except maybe Owen. I can’t be myself around them.” He turns to me and takes my hands. “You’re the only one I feel completely myself around. Thank you, Willow. I wish I could be as strong as you and show the real me to the world.”
I take him in my arms and offer him as much comfort as I can. “Now I understand why being popular is so important to you. I used to turn up my nose at you, but I get it.”
He smiles sadly again. “That’s not the only motivation behind my wanting to be popular.” He takes a deep breath again. “I wasn’t the only one who was bullied. Bri was bullied throughout high school.”
I stare at him. “Really? But she seems so happy in the pictures.”
He nods slowly. “That was a facade. She was only happy when she was with me. My parents didn’t know she was so unhappy, either. She pretended to be okay, but when she was in her junior year she couldn’t take it anymore and begged my parents to change schools. They didn’t let because it was a good school and they wanted her to have every opportunity. I remember being a little kid and hearing her cry herself to sleep almost every night. I was too helpless to do anything.” He grits his teeth. “Those kids made my awesome sistercryherself to sleep. I tried to be strong for her and make her feel better. And while she appreciated it, I know she was practically dead inside.”
I hug him again. “And the same thing happened to you. I’m so sorry.”
He sighs. “Yeah, it did. My sister chose a college far away from our town. She didn’t know she was abandoning me to bullies because I didn’t tell her. I wanted to protect her and not dig up all her pain. Even though it hurt that she left, I knew it was something she needed to do. She met her boyfriend, Justin, in college and fell in love with him. He was the first person to show her kindness. And he was a really nice dude. I liked him and was happy for my sister. Then eight months ago, when she was the happiest and looked forward to her future, she and Justin died in that helicopter crash.” He presses his face to my shoulder. “I’m sorry to unload all of this on you. I just…” He looks up. “You didn’t understand why I hid my true self from my friends. This is the reason. I never want to go through that again, and I don’t want you to go through that, Willow. Please let me help you.”
I place my hands on either side of his face, looking into his eyes. “That’s sweet of you to offer, but I’m okay. Really. Don’t worry about me. I’m sorry you and your sister went through that.”
