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That causes another sigh to escape me. “Have you spoken to him since the last time? Does he seem upset that he and I…that we’re um…?”
Derek scratches the back of his head. “He did seem pretty down, yeah.”
“Can you give this to him?” I hold out the letter. “Please?”
He regards the note. “You want me to give it to him, even though I’m not telling you who he is?”
“Yeah. If you don’t mind. And don’t worry, I won’t try to spy on you or anything. I want to respect his privacy.”
Derek seems a little suspicious, but he must see the honest expression on my face because he nods and takes it from me. “I’ll give it to him.”
“Thanks.”
I make my way to Ava’s locker. Lily, Xavier, and Liam have joined them as well, and they all watch me with curious expressions.
“What was that?” Lily asks.
“I decided to write him a letter,” I admit. “I’ve thought about this long and hard and concluded that I want to give him a shot. Derek assured me that he’s not a jerk but someone who is serious. I don’t want to give up on him yet. He needs time, and I’ll give him as much as he needs. Until he’s comfortable to reveal his identity to me.”
“That makes me so happy!” Lily throws her arms around me. “I knew it couldn’t be over between you guys. Just be patient with him and everything will work out.”
“Well, he needs to respond to my letter first,” I say. “But yeah, I’m hopeful.”
“I’m also so glad you’re not giving up on him,” Ava says. “I am and always will be on Team Love.”
Willow and the boys tell me similar things. Liam is quiet. I bring my eyes to his. “What do you think?”
He sighs. “Does it really matter?”
I tear my eyes away. “No. I mean, yeah. I mean, I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, Liam?” Lily asks. “Of course Chloe thinks highly of your opinion. Look, can you please not ruin this for her? I get that you’re worried about her, but I think you need to let her do this. She needs to know if something could be there with this guy or she’ll wonder for the rest of her life.”
Liam shrugs. “You’re right. Either way, you’re free to do whatever you want. Don’t let me hold you back.” He’s about to turn around, then twists back around and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Just be careful, okay? If he writes something that makes you uncomfortable or confronts you at school, or makes you feel unsafe in any way, promise you’ll tell me? Don’t keep it to yourself because you’re embarrassed or want to prove that he’s a good guy. I just want you to be safe. Okay?”
His eyes hold nothing but raw and real concern.
I nod.
“Thanks.”
The bell rings and Liam removes his hand from my shoulder. Lily wraps her arm around me as we head to English. “Now, are you going to tell us what you wrote in that letter?”
***
Dear Chloe,
Thanks so much for your letter. You can’t imagine the smile it brought to my face. I really appreciate you taking the time to write me such a thoughtful and heartfelt message.
My only issue with your letter is that you have no reason to apologize to me. I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. I have so much to explain to you. I hope you find it in YOUR unbelievably kind heart to forgive me. You’ve been nothing but sweet and kind.
I suppose the only explanation I can give you is that I felt like a jerk. I still feel like a jerk. You’ve been so amazing, and I’ve kept you in the dark all this time. I convinced myself that you’re better off without me because the only thing I’ll bring you is disappointment, which is why I decided to cut myself out of your life. If I’m honest, it was one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. I’ve missed writing to you. Which I know might make me sound like a stalker…but I’m not a stalker. I swear. I just think the world of you.
I wish I were confident enough to tell you who I am. I dream of that day. But I’m not ready. You’re so kind for suggesting we exchange letters until I’m ready. The fact that you’re willing to wait for me makes you the selfless, lovely person that you are. Thank you so much for being patient with me. It makes me a little emotional to know that I’m corresponding with such a special person like yourself.
I spoke to Derek and he agreed to be the deliveryman. He’ll continue dropping my letters into your locker, if that’s okay with you. And you can hand him your letters to me.
Chloe, I can’t emphasize how much I appreciate you and the amazing, special, stupendous, wonderful, extraordinary, fantastic, remarkable, phenomenal (there are many more adjectives I can use, but I’ll stop here) person that you are. I hope I’m worthy enough for you when we meet face to face.
