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I just stare at him, my mind a jumbled mess. “Wait, Willow knew? And she didn’t tell me?”
He releases a breath. “I begged her not to. She told me I needed to tell you the truth. So I wrote you the letter about meeting up at the masquerade ball. I came over to you when you were waiting for him. I was going to tell you everything, but you shooed me away. You thought I’d get in the way of your happiness. I know I have no right to feel hurt, but I felt really hurt that you didn’t even consider the possibility that I could be your secret admirer. I was here all this time—all this time—and you only thought of me as your friend or brother. That’s another reason I couldn’t tell you how I felt. Because I would just make you uncomfortable.”
“Who said you would?”
He looks at me. “Remember what happened after we woke up in the motel? You were so uncomfortable when we slept in each other’s arms. I knew that if I told you the truth, you would never be comfortable around me. I value our friendship so much, and the last thing I wanted was for you to hate being around me. Having you as a friend, no matter how hurtful it was, was more important than losing you as a girlfriend.”
I squeeze a couch cushion to my chest, my stomach coiling around itself.
He shifts in his seat another time. “You mean so much to me, Chloe. It would kill me if we lost our friendship.”
A tear slides down my cheek. “I value you and our friendship, too.” I slowly move my eyes to him. “I appreciate you coming here and explaining everything. And I understand why you did it.”
He straightens up. “You do?”
“Yeah, because I’ve also been keeping a secret.”
His eyebrows furrow.
I take a deep breath and let it out. “You thought I wasn’t comfortable sleeping in the same bed as you because I didn’t like you that way. But you’re wrong. I was uncomfortable because I…” I take another deep breath and let it out, my mouth dry. “I have feelings for you, too. I freaked out at the motel because I didn’t think you felt the same way about me.”
Liam goes still, his eyes widening. “You have feelings for me?”
I nod, swatting at the tears. All this time…we both had feelings for each other. If one of us would have just been brave enough to admit it, this wouldn’t have happened. We could have gotten together, maybe had a happily ever after.
Tears gather in Liam’s eyes. He bends forward and buries his face in his arm. “You have feelings for me,” his muffled voice says. “And I messed it all up. You’ll never forgive me.”
More tears drip down my cheeks. I reach to place my hand on his arm, watching it tremble like an earthquake. “Liam, I don’t know what to say. How to feel. I’ve been in love with you for years, but …”
He raises his head, cheeks splotched with tears. “But…?”
I hug myself, averting my gaze. “You really hurt me. I know you feel rotten about it, but I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.”
He nods, a hard swallow making its way down his throat. “I deserve that. If you don’t want to talk to me ever again, I’ll understand. Just know that my feelings for you will never change.”
My throat burns as I hold in more tears. “I still love you. I just…need…” I blink the tears away.
“Yes, whatever you need. Me out of your life. Anything. Just tell me.”
My hand still trembles as I reach to rub his arm again. “I don’t want you out of my life, Liam. As hurt as I am, you’re still my best friend. But I don’t know what to do. I need time to make sense of my feelings.”
“I understand that.”
I hold out my hand and he places his inside. “Like I said, I understand why you did it. Both of us were too scared to tell each other how we felt. You pretended to be someone else and I pushed myself to fall for my secret admirer because it hurt me too much to love you. I thought if I told you how I felt and you didn’t feel the same, it would ruin everything. Our friendship, the Junior Musketeers.Everything. I hurtyouby throwing the secret admirer in your face. Getting excited when he wrote me poems, pushing you aside for him, skipping watchingSwords and Legendsto read over the letters. I’m sorry.”
He smiles sadly through his tears. “All of this could have been avoided if we just told the other how we felt.”
I nod.
Quiet.
“What happens now?” Liam asks.
I puff out my cheeks. “I don’t know. I need some time. Maybe one day we could…figure out where we stand.”
He looks crushed, but nods. “I’ll keep my distance from you and give you the space and time you need.” He stands. “Thanks for listening to me, Chloe. You’re one of the most special people I’ve ever met. And I’m sorry again for hurting you.”
“I’m sorry for saying you’re a horrible person. You’re not.”
