AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Have you had any other boyfriends?” Her sarcasm isn’t friendly.
“Very funny.”
She turns without saying anything further, and she leaves me with the dilemma of what to do.
Colourful images stare back at me from the three squares of cards littering the carpet.
He wrote.
Tears prick at my eyes, and for a second, I want to scoop them up and give in to the part of my heart that still loves him.
That will always love him.
It’s like looking at a second chance, and maybe what he’s written will help erase the ache that weighs me down every day.
But that’s the girl I was before.
And remembering makes me feel weak.
Memories of pain and heartache race forward, obliterating anything good I ever felt for Jayce and eating the tears away, leaving me raw and angry—angry at Jayce, at the world, and what he left me with. The situation I had to face on my own. Dealing with the fear and confusion—the panic of being in that cubicle on the floor alone.
Seeing all the blood and mess and … it, was more real than the love I remember.
The look on Molly’s face as she saw me on the floor will be etched into my mind and replaces every good memory I have of Jayce and me as if my mind is re-writing good with bad.
I stand and swoop down to gather the pieces of card and hastily rip them in half and leave them on the desk. He’s not part of my life now. He’s on the other side of the world.
That’s the reality here.
The sooner I grow up and deal with that, the better off I’ll be.
Get up, one foot in front of the other. Work hard, find my own dream, and forget all about Jayce.
Cornwall’s winters, while harsh, can be beautiful. Living here, you get to see the shimmery sun thaw the icy frost as it creeps across the beach and cliffs. And as grim and horrid as it can get, its beauty can still shine through.
But this year, it’s proving a challenge to see any beauty.
The grey clouds don’t shift, as if caught in a cloud bank just for us. The sun doesn’t break through to reveal the cornflower blue of the sky, and the sea stays murky and rough.
Despite this, days turn to weeks, and Tregethworth carries on, preparing for Christmas and the New Year, and my perpetual bad mood shifts into a steely determination. I’m not sure if it’s this disgusting winter that seems to batter our town and everything and everyone in its path, or missing Jayce, or the miscarriage, or all of it together. But I can’t stand anything around me. I can’t stand Tregethworth anymore.
All of it is a poison, rotting away and making me weak. Keeping me trapped as the girl who fell into the snare of falling for a boy who could never make her happy, who’d never stay with her, who she’d never have a future with, and would only leave her with sorrow.
Molly is a wonderful and kind person but working for her kept me in the shadows of Jayce and the pain of… what happened after. Living here reminds me of how small my life is and how big the world could be if only I could work out what I wanted in life.
Misery is hard to escape when you can’t see a light to guide you, and my home has become a constant reminder of how stupid I feel.
I’m a stupid girl who represents every cliché in the book, and I refuse to let that define me.
It’s not who or what’s going to define me. I won’t let it.
I’m smart. Icanand will be a success, and I won’t let the loss I’ve felt haunt me. You don’t need love because surely love comes with loss, which only makes you weak.
Strength comes from within, and you can only truly rely on yourself.
Dad left Mum, and she didn’t need him.
Jayce left to chase his dream and left me to deal with a nightmare.
