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“I just want to see him,” I say, stopping the pacing, and Jeff comes across to me.
“He will be fine. I am sure of it.” His hand reaches my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. The gesture is friendly, and I appreciate it.
“Beth!” I turn sharply to see Harrison and the boys striding in, making a commotion as everyone looks at them, phones already being pulled out, because we are in a very public setting. My heart skips a beat upon seeing him, but my head is a swirl of emotions, none of which I can get a handle on right now.
“What happened?” Harrison asks, looking concerned. I don’t have the energy. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt for today, but I haven’t had time to process anything. I am at my breaking point, the line so close I can touch it, but I pull on all the strength I have left.
“Her father had a heart attack,” Jeff states, talking for me, stepping in front of me slightly. Ordinarily, I would be fuming at his actions, but I can’t help but feel relieved to not have to say the words again.
“Beth, baby,” Harrison says, walking closer to me, his arms out.
I hear the clicks of cameras, and my eyes skirt around to see everyone’s eyes on us.
“Hey, didn’t you just propose to some girl in the park?” a young guy yells out, Harrison now recognized. My eyes catch Harrison’s, and I feel the vomit start to rise. Memories of him on his knee, looking up at Lilly, come to mind, and I squint at him in confusion.
“Beth, is there somewhere that we can talk?” he asks, looking around.
“Harrison, I can’t…” I say in barely a whisper. I feel like I am going to collapse. I have had no sleep, haven’t eaten anything, my life took a severe one-eighty this morning, and I can’t even think straight.
“Beth, baby, let me hold you.” I want to fall into his arms, I do. But I can’t move my feet. I know the moment I do that I will collapse, and nurses and doctors will race to me, and I can’t do that. They need to be helping my dad.
“She said she can’t. Besides, we all saw your proposal online, so why don’t you go back to your fiancée!” Jeff spits at him, his words full of anger and I feel Marci and Larry come to stand on either side of me. My mind is whirling… what is happening? I look around at everyone, but can’t really focus. My heart is pumping, my body feels like it is swaying.Is this a dream?
“Beth, baby… I am here for you.” Harrison says the words I want to hear, but I can’t move. I feel the nausea building in my throat, and I swallow quickly, trying to tamper it down.
“Harrison, we should go,” Oscar says, looking around the room, seeing that everyone’s attention is now on us.
“Beth. I promised you I’ve got you. I am not going to break that promise,” Harrison croaks, and I feel my eyes close slowly, then open again. I am fighting a battle to keep my body upright, and I can barely hear a thing he says. Black dots dance in my vision, and I try to breathe slowly, willing myself to remain strong, leaning a little against Marci for support.
“Harrison, we need to go,” Eddie says, and I see Harrison take a swift look around before I hear him curse under his breath.
“Beth, I will be back, baby. I will be back,” he says, before he quickly turns, and I see the back of his well-fitted black suit walk back down the hall and strut straight outside.
He will be back. He promised. I know he will come back.
“Beth?” I hear a man behind me say my name and all four of us turn. Doctor Standford is standing at the edge of the room with nurse Mary, both looking concerned.
“Oh my god, how is he?” I ask, my body forcing my feet to step toward him, wanting the news.
“We got him stable. He is not out of the woods yet, we have a lot of tests to run, but we have him in ICU so you can come and see him for a moment,” he says, and I have never seen him look so serious before. Whenever I come in for treatment, he is always so jovial with me. Today, there is not even a hint of a smile.
I nod, wanting nothing more right now than to see my father.
“I’m sorry, folks, just Beth, no other visitors tonight. You can all go home and get some rest and Beth can keep you informed,” he states, and they nod. One by one, Marci, Larry, and Jeff all give me warm hugs before they leave me and I follow Doctor Standford into the ICU.
It is quieter back here, and as he leads me into Dad's room, I need to hang onto the doorframe so I don’t collapse. He has machines and tubes all connected to him, so much so, I can barely see his body from the equipment. I walk tentatively into the room, holding my breath.
“You can sit for a little while. Talk to him, he can hear you. It will do him some good to hear your voice as well. Don’t be frightened of all the equipment; it is just monitoring his condition, and we will remove most of it soon,” he says as he squeezes my shoulder, and then leaves the room, closing the door on us.
I pull a seat closer and sit for a moment, glad to get off my feet and look around, taking it all in.
“Who would have thought it would be you in ICU first?” I whisper to the room, because history would prove that I am the one most likely to be admitted to hospital.
“Dad. Just be okay, please. I don’t want you to leave me too,” I say as the tears I have been holding fall freely down my cheeks. I let them fall, coating my face, dropping onto my clothes. It is cathartic in a way, cleansing myself of the stress, the confusion, the pain. I thought after crying with Harrison all night last night, I would have no tears left, but apparently, if the world decides to tear your heart into two, then tears still come.
“So, I am guessing that Larry beat you at chess today and you were a sore loser?” I ask him, trying to lighten the mood.
“It is a bit dramatic having a heart attack, though, Dad. I am sure you could have protested some other way.” I say, with only the beeping of machines giving me any response.
