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I don’t feel one hundred percent, but I do feel better than I did.
“It was good, but it’s better now.” He rushes to the back door. “There’s my little girl.” Robert’s sweet voice makes me smile. Like a seasoned pro he opens the back door, unhooks the carrier, and he carries it toward the house, before I’m even shutting my door. Once inside, Robert stops me in the foyer. “Chris is home—I’m sorry, sweetheart—I had no idea. He wanted to surprise me.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and ignore the way my heart begins to race. “It’s fine. No worries, okay.”
We walk through the house and once we step into the family room I freeze. Chris is standing in the middle of the room, looking better than I’ve ever seen.
He looks happy, maybe a little nervous, but a lot better than the last time I saw him. I slowly step further into the room. “Um…hey.”
“Hi Haddie, you look great.” His voice is deep and a little scratchier than I remember. God, I’m a dork—it’s only been a year.
Robert joins us with a sleeping Madison in his arms. I lean down, kissing her cheek. I turn to Chris. “This is Madison.”
He reaches a shaky hand out, touching her hair lightly. “S-She’s more beautiful in person. Can I—can I hold her?”
Robert looks to me and I nod. How could I deny him the chance to hold his daughter? No matter how I feel about him, Chris is still her father. Robert carefully places the baby in his arms.
I watch as he carries her over to the sofa and sits down. He doesn’t say anything, just stares down at the beautiful girl we created. Suddenly a deep guttural cry leaves him, and Chris’s body begins to shake.
He places his lips against Madison’s forehead, tears streaming down his face. Robert wraps his arm around me, hugging me into his side. We watch Chris weep over our sleeping girl.
I don’t want to admit that my eyes burn with unshed tears. I tell myself that it’s because I wish Madison was here to hold her granddaughter. She’s met her, when the baby was a few weeks old, Robert and I took her to the cemetery. We took her picture while she slept in her carrier next to her namesake’s tombstone.
The baby starts to fuss, probably feeling her dad’s sadness. She waves her little fists in the air before letting loose a high-pitched cry. I want to go to her and take her in my arms, but Chris begins to bounce her in his arms, softly shushing her.
Sure enough, Madison begins to settle. I turn to Robert. “I’m going to start dinner.”
He stops me. “Why don’t we order out? You always cook for me.” I do, but I enjoy it. I want to take care him; I want to do it for Robert’s Madison.
“You know I enjoy cooking for you.” I kiss his cheek and then head into the kitchen.
As I stir the pasta in the water, Chris joins me. I avoid looking at him as I busy myself at the stove.
“She is so beautiful, Haddie,” he says quietly as he leans against the counter. “Is she a good baby?”
I nod. “Yeah, she’s pretty perfect.” I make a mistake and turn to look at him. Close up he’s so beautiful it hurts, and I think our daughter looks just like him.
The natural glow he used to have is back and even more golden than before, but that’s what happens when you live in California. His dark blond hair is bleached from the sun and makes him look like a surfer boy. His blue eyes are bright, and his body is bigger—more muscular, but still lean. “H-How long are you home for?”
“I—um—I’m actually home for good. It was time to come home, make things right.” He says that last little bit quietly. “I know I have no right to ask, but can I spend time with Madison?”
“Of course. Your dad watches her two days a week and I’m usually here with her in the evenings.”
He nods. “Okay, thank you so much.” Chris pulls an envelope out of his back pocket and hands it to me. “Dad helped me figure out child support. The check is for back child support, and you’ll start receiving money in two to three weeks.”
“Um…okay. You didn’t have to do this, we’re getting by just fine.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not too proud to take it and use it toward taking care of our daughter. “But thank you.”
I take the envelope over to my backpack, stuffing it inside. Back at the stove, I stare into the pot of noodles, and I can feel him close.
“You look really good,” Chris says from behind me. “Motherhood looks good on you.”
“T-Thank you. She’s given me some much needed curves.” I shoot him a hesitant smile. “Um…how’s your sobriety going?” I look back down at the stove. “Ugh, I’m sorry, that was a stupid question.”
I feel the heat of him as he steps closer. “It wasn’t stupid. It has been hard, but I’ve been sober for a year and a week. I go to meetings and work the program.” He is quiet for a moment. “Thank you for being there for my dad. I think our little girl has given him a purpose and he has loved spending time with you.”
“It’s no hardship spending time with Robert. Dinner will be done soon, why don’t you go get some snuggle time with Madison?”
Once he disappears, I’m able to breathe normally. I don’t know why I am suddenly feeling hot or why my skin feels too tight. I shake my head and then get back to making dinner.
