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She leans in close. “I don’t know what game you’re playing, butstop it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I try to look cute, like when I would piss her off when we were younger.
Brooke gives me a shove. “Don’t,” she grits out.
Fuck me, she’s sexy when she’s pissed. On a huff, she stomps out of the living room and goes into the kitchen. Tripp comes out and I lead him in there as well and we grab our dinner. The three of us sitting together makes my chest ache. The long-buried grief comes back, hitting me like a freight train.
I excuse myself and hustle into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and then flop down on the toilet. Our son should be here with us—he should be being the best big brother to Tripp, and Brooke should be Tripp’s mother.
Gage would be almost six, but SIDS took our boy when he was only four weeks old. I close my eyes and can still hear Brooke’s screams when she went to get him because we’d realized he hadn’t woken up after the first time he’d woken in the night to be fed.
He’d been fine, he’d been perfect, and then he was gone.
Knock, knock, knock…the door opens and Brooke steps inside, shutting the door behind her. “Are you okay?” I look up at her and I know she can see the pain in my eyes because her eyes turn glassy and she swallows like she’s got a lump in her throat.
I grab her hand and pull her until she’s between my legs. I know she’s still sore, so I gently wrap my arms around her and rest my forehead against her chest. Brooke freezes, and I wait for her to jerk away from me. She does the opposite, wrapping her arms around me, hugging my head to her chest.
Chapter Seven
Brooke
This is a mistake, I know it is, but I couldn’t stand the sad look in his eyes. “I miss him every day,” Hank whispers. “He should be sitting at that table with us.” My heart obliterates into a million tiny pieces.
I hug him as tight as I can and before I can think better of it I kiss the top of his head.
“Daddy? Brooke?”
It is like I’ve been doused in cold water and I jump back. I open the door and Tripp is standing right in the hall. “Your daddy will be right out. How about we go eat and we’ll give him a minute.”
I lead him back to the table and we both sit down. I watch him while he eats and wonder if Gage would’ve looked like him. As a newborn, my baby boy wasallhis daddy.
My head begins to throb, it is dull, but it’s there. I want nothing more than to escape to my room, where I can cry with my face buried in my pillow, but I don’t want to leave Tripp alone.
I watch this beautiful child pick up his piece of pizza, open his mouth wide, and shove a huge bite in.
“Be careful and chew it up really good,” I tell him. Tripp smiles at me and he’s got pizza sauce all over his teeth and his lips, making me laugh. Hank joins us a few minutes later, his eyes are red and I ignore the ache it causes in my chest.
He’s quiet as he finishes his pizza. I get up and grab a paper towel, getting it wet. I walk around the table and tip Tripp’s head back and make quick work of wiping his mouth off. Again, he smiles up at me and I ruffle his hair.
I ignore Hank watching me and box up the rest of the pizza for him to take home. As soon as Judy and Mick get home, I say good night to everyone and before I can disappear into my room, Tripp rushes me, wrapping his arms around my thighs.
Every fiber of being is crying right now and I want to back away, but I can’t do it to that sweet little boy. He’s innocent in all this drama. I give him a quick hug and head into my bedroom.
It’s a long time before I find sleep and when I do, my dreams are plagued by the day we lost Gage, instead of Hank running into the nursery like he didthatday—I find him in bed with her, fucking her while I scream and cry at him.
***
I carry my groceries inside and set them on the counter. I head back into the living room, locking the front door, and setting the alarm. My home feels like a prison…fucking, Austin.
It still worries me that he hasn’t been found, but maybe he’ll stay away forever. I could only be so lucky.
It has been a week since I’ve been back at my house. I’d love to say it’s been great, but truth be told, I’ve been scared, and I’ve been lonely. Oh sure, one of Hank’s brothers is always outside watching over me, but they don’t come in ever.
Hank hasn’t been around since that day he broke down in the bathroom. Maybe it is time for me to cut ties with all of them, and maybe move away—of course the thought of leaving Gage kills me, but there is nothing here for me anymore.
My house was originally my mom’s, and before that it was her parents’ home. It was paid for, so all I’ve had to pay is property taxes and I’ve done a lot of the work on the house myself.
I can sell it, take the money and move—move somewhere close enough that I can still come visit Gage. After I get the groceries put away, I grab my laptop and pull up a realtor and send them an email.
