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I wind my truck through the cemetery and when the spot comes into view, I don’t miss the car parked under the huge oak tree.
A part of me thinks I should turn around and drive away, giving her the space she needs to grieve our son, but that’s not what I do. Instead, I pull up behind her car and climb out, grabbing the blue teddy bear, and then shutting the door.
The closer I get to her; I hear Brooke softly singing “Over the Rainbow.” She used to sing it to Gage when she’d rock him to sleep—it would knock him out immediately. She always had the voice of an angel, and I loved listening to her, especially singing to our boy. I step up behind her and get down on the ground. She doesn’t stop, even as I fit my front up against her back.
She finishes and begins to cry. “I’m so sorry Hank. I d-didn’t m-mean it.”
I hug her to my chest, whispering, “I know.” Over and over.
We stay wrapped around each other for a long time. Finally mourning our son together, the way we should’ve right after we lost him.
Brooke finally gets control of herself and wipes her face with the backs of her hands. She takes a deep breath and then looks up at me. “I miss him. How can I miss someone so much that I only had for nine months and four weeks? I remember in the beginning, after you were gone, I’d wake up thinking I heard his cries.” I hold her tighter. “I’d run into his room, thinking that maybe it was all a bad dream, and it would crush me all over again that you were both gone.”
I kiss her forehead as tears run down my cheeks. My heart slams against my ribs in a rapid staccato. We move and lay down in front of our son’s tombstone. My arm is wrapped around her, and she’s got her arm around my waist. We lie chest to chest, just holding each other.
A while later, my phone beeps, breaking the moment between Brooke and me. I pick it up and see a text from my mom. Tripp is asking her when I’m going to be home. I look down at Brooke. “I have to go. Why don’t you come over, we can talk.”
Brooke shakes her head. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to worry about me.”
She jumps up and as soon as I’m off the blanket, she’s picking it up and folding it. Brooke won’t even look at me.
“Do you hate me so much that you can’t even look at me?” I move, standing in front of her. “Do you hate me?”
“Never,” she whispers. “I used to tell myself that I hated you, I wanted to hate you, but I’ve always loved you, and I always will.” Brooke runs to her car, climbing in and taking off before I can even react to what she just said.
“She still loves me,” I say quietly to no one. Before I leave, I get down on my knees. “Hey bud, I miss you so much. Your momma loves singing to you, doesn’t she?” I set the blue teddy bear by his tombstone, reading the words.
Gage Michael Burns.
Born: September 3rd2015 – Died: Oct 2nd2015
Our little angel.
I bend down, kissing the tombstone. “See you later, bud.” I head back to my truck and the first thing I do is unblock Brooke’s number. It was stupid to do it in the first place, but no one ever said I was smart.
When I get home, Tripp greets me at the door. “Daddy, I missed you.” I catch him as he jumps into my arms.
I kiss his cheek. “I missed you too, buddy.” I set him down and he runs into the kitchen. I follow behind him and find Mom putting dishes away. “Hey Ma.”
She turns to me, and I kiss her cheek.
“Hey, how was your visit?” She grabs a towel, drying her hands. I know both Mom and Dad visit Gage.
“Good, Brooke was there.” I take a deep breath. “She told me that she still loves me.”
Mom’s lips tip up in a smile. “What are you going to do about that?”`
“I’m going to get my wife back.”
We share a smile and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I just might get her back.
Chapter Eleven
Brooke
“What do you think?” I look back at Judy, who has a hold of Tripp’s hand, as we walk through the house I’m looking at.
“I love it.” Tripp smiles up at me and damn, ifhe isn’t the cutest boy.
