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Luckily this is the last day, and then a four-day weekend. Lord knows I need the break. I’ve always loved children and love teaching them, but it can be exhausting. Saturday, I’m having a massage and getting my hair done. A little self-care is just what I need.
Austin is going on a boy’s trip and will be gone all weekend, which means I can do Chinese takeout and eat it in my bed while watchingVampire Diarieson Netflix…Team Damon all the way, baby. Plus, I can get caught up on my reading. I’m behind in my reading of Kristen Ashley’s latest.
“Ma’am.” The barista pulls me from my thoughts. “What can I get you?”
I step up to the counter. “Could I get a skinny caramel iced coffee and chocolate chip scone, please?” I hand her my money and move down the bar to where I wait for my stuff.
When she sets it on the counter, I thank her and grab the cup and bag, and when I turn to leave, I freeze. Hank is walking in with two of his brothers. I duck into the bathroom and lean against the wall before he sees me, I hope. My heart races and my stomach turns, but I can’t stay here forever.
Hank Burns is my ex—we began dating when we were just fifteen. We got married when we were eighteen, and it imploded when we were nineteen. It was my first heartbreak and part of the reason I just can’t love Austin.
Knowing I can’t stay in here forever because I must get to school. I peek my head out of the bathroom and find that they’re gone, thankfully. I knew I should’ve avoided coming here, but their coffees are delicious and my favorite. It’s on the way to my school, but his body shop is just down the street.
I hustle out of Fuel and pick up the pace to get to my car just in case he’s lingering somewhere in the parking lot. Once I’m inside my Camry, I reverse out of my parking spot and pull onto the street.
I drive right past Hank and the boys, and I avoid looking in the rearview mirror. It’s been five and a half years, but the pain is still there like a scab that won’t fully heal because you keep picking at it.
My heart rate slows when I finally pull into the staff parking lot and I’m able to relax. I climb out and make my way inside. In my classroom, I set my coffee and scone down and then start preparing for my day—not thinking about the man who broke my heart—no, I’m sorry,obliteratedit into a million pieces.
I’m grateful the day will go fast, and then I can go home. I enjoy meeting with the parents, especially since my kids have done brilliantly so far, but it’s so exhausting—I’d rather just teach. I pull out my phone and send a quick text to my bestie, Riley. We’ve been best friends since we met. She is also Hank’s best friend’s cousin, and that’s how we were introduced.
She’s an Army wife and is in Germany right now and has been for the past year. It’s hard for us to connect sometimes between the kids and the time difference. We do exchange texts and emails, so that helps.
Brooke: Hey girlie, I miss you and hope you and the fam are doing great. Love you.
It could be a day or more before I hear back from her, but she always responds.
Several hours later, I look at my calendar and see I have two conferences left and then I’m out of here. I look at my phone and I am surprised because I haven’t heard from Austin since he left. I would’ve thought he’d text me that he was there and maybe just a “Hey, I miss you,” but I’ve gotten nothing.
It’s four o’clock before I can finally pack up and head home. Since I’m going home to an empty house, I decide to just drive through Arby’s and grab a roast beef sandwich, curly fries, and vanilla shake.
While I eat, I turn onMaster Chefso I can feel bad about my cooking skills. A scream outside pulls me from the TV, and I look out my front window. A little boy runs past my house, and I watch his mother chase after him. They’re both smiling and laughing. The grief I’ve fought long and hard to get over comes rushing back.
I run into the bathroom, vomiting everything that was in my stomach back up. When the retching stops, I lay my head on the toilet seat and sob. The tears dry up after a while, and I’m left with a horrible migraine.
I grab one of my pills out of the medicine cabinet and quickly swallow it down. After I lock up, I grab my phone and crawl into bed. Austin’s with the guys, but I really need to hear his voice.
It rings several times until he finally answers. “What is it?” Okay, I was expecting this response. “Brooke?”
“Sorry, I…I just needed to hear your voice,” I choke out. I don’t want him to hear me crying. He always acts irritated when I cry, no matter the reason.
“Come on, Austin,” I hear a feminine voice say. “We’re going to be late.”
My stomach sinks, and I’m hit with the nauseating sense of déjà vu. I disconnect the call and then shut my phone off. Thankfully, soon my pill will kick in, and I’ll pass out.
It’s pitch black when I wake up. My head is still throbbing, and I’m still nauseous. I check the time, it’s two in the morning, and make sure I can take another pill—thankfully I can, so I grab another one, swallowing it down. This is definitely not the way I wanted to spend my four-day weekend, but at least I’ll be sleeping and won’t have to think about what Austin’s doing orwhohe’s doing.
I grab a bottle of water before climbing back into bed, slipping into oblivion.
***
It’s been a week since I heard a female voice when I called Austin. I haven’t returned his calls, and have worked very hard to avoid him. He’s shown up at the school twice, but they haven’t let him in.
I am grateful to have the friends at school that I do, and they have let me hang out with them until I head back home every day. I’m not ready to talk to him, so I’ve gone into hiding, which is cowardly, I know. He knows about my trust issues and about my history, and I thought he was a good guy and that he respected how I felt.
Riley has threatened to fly home and beat Austin’s ass, but I told her not to and that I was dealing with it. If I need her, I know she’d come running.
When I’m ready to see him, it’ll be to break things off with him. I’ll gather the items he’s left at my place, in a grocery bag, and leave it by the door. That way I can just hand him his stuff, and then he can go.
