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She opened her mouth, but no words formed. She didn’t know where to begin.
Ellis tugged her back toward the bed and, even knowing he wanted something more intimate than sex from her, she went willingly. They settled together under the covers and he spooned up behind her, tucking her in close. His lips brushed her hair near her ear, but he didn’t say anything more. He simply held her and waited.
She stared at the ice-frosted window for a long time. At the happy face she’d drawn there. Now it seemed to mock her. She wasn’t allowed happiness.
As if reading her thoughts, Ellis hugged her tighter.
She drew a breath. She could do this. She could talk to him like this, wrapped in darkness with her back to him. She needed to do this.
Let it go.
“I had a fairly normal childhood,” she whispered. Her lips suddenly felt dry and she paused to wet them with the tip of her tongue. “I mean, I guess normal is subjective and it wasn’t normal by most people’s standards. My parents… had a lot of money. Alotof money. And until I was nine, I had a normal childhood by the standards of the super-rich. I was spoiled but lonely. My parents were hardly ever around, but they gave me anything I wanted, including voice lessons with one of the most famous voice coaches in the country. At seven, I landed the part of Annie in an off-Broadway version of the play. I’m fairly certain my parents paid the producers to give me the part, but I loved it. I loved performing. You’re right. I wanted more than anything to be a singer. With my parents’ money and connections, I probably would’ve eventually made an album, but—” She realized she was rubbing at the dent in her face and forced herself to stop. “The Morphea appeared almost overnight. It wasn’t there, and then suddenly it was. It started with a patch on my chin that looked like a bruise. When it didn’t go away, my nanny took me to the doctor. Nobody knew what it was at first. I was battered with all kinds of tests before a dermatologist who had seen it before finally diagnosed me. Within months, the scar had spread up my face and the bone underneath started to atrophy. Within a year, it spread down the entire left side of my body and atrophied the muscles in my leg so badly I had to walk with a crutch. The specialists said I was one of the worst cases they’ve ever seen. My parents—” The words caught in her throat.
Ellis’s hand found hers and squeezed. The gentle show of support bolstered her.
Shecoulddo this.
She’d lectured Ellis about hanging on to his grudge against his father while the whole time she’d quietly fanned the flames of her own. Sheneededto talk about it. And, maybe, it was time to forgive her parents. Or, if not forgive, at least move past her father’s cold disinterest and her mother’s constant verbal abuse. Even though her mother had been dead for thirteen years, Bree still made so many of her life decisions due to that woman’s vitriol. It was time to stop.
Let it go.
Bree cleared her throat but couldn’t manage to speak again for several long minutes.
“My parents,” she finally said and released a shaky breath. “They weren’t great parents to begin with. They were narcissists, too wrapped up in their own world for a kid, but I had a lovely nanny, and it was okay. When my mom realized I could sing, she became obsessed with the idea of me as a pop star— but after my diagnosis, she flat-out told me I was worthless. That nobody would pay to see my ugly face on stage unless it was in a freak show. I became an embarrassment to be hidden away.”
“Jesus,” Ellis said against her hair. “You’re not worthless.”
“You think I haven’t told myself that? Over and over and over until I sometimes even believe it. But then as soon as I look in a mirror, her voice is there in my head again, calling me a freak. They didn’t want me anymore. They fired my nanny and sent me to a school for troubled kids.Troubledbeing a euphemism for the children of the rich that nobody wanted— the kids with mental disorders, the juvenile delinquents. I was the only one there with a physical disability and I was teased mercilessly. I hated it. Then my parents died when I was seventeen. Embarrassment or not, I was still their heir, so I got everything. I left that fucking school and came to Alaska where I knew I could disappear.”
Ellis rubbed at the knots bunching up her shoulders. “How did your parents die?”
“A plane accident.” She held her breath, waiting for his reaction.
He didn’t say anything right away but released her and sat up in bed. She rolled to her back and watched his profile as he dragged both hands over his face.
“Shit.” Finally, he sighed and looked at her. “That’s why you’re so determined to find Dad’s plane.”
“No.” She squeezed her eyes shut at the instinctive protest and shook her head. She was lying to herself. “Okay, yes, maybe their accident has something to do with it, but—”
But what? He’d hit the nail on the head. She’d have been worried about Dr. Will no matter what, but add in his missing plane, and she couldn’t ignore the echoes of her past. Despite everything, she had loved her parents. Or at least wanted to love them.
“But it won’t…” He trailed off. Tried again. “It won’t change anything, Bree. Whether you find dad’s plane or not, your parents are still gone. And they were still assholes who didn’t deserve you.”
“I know that,” she snapped.
“You know they didn’t deserve you?”
Why was he harping on this? What did he want her to say? “They— they were my parents, Ellis. They gave me everything I have.”
“And they still don’t deserve your love or loyalty. Period.”
“I…” Something broke inside her, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. It was more like a relief and her anger melted away. “I know.” She sat up and touched his arm in a silent apology. “Thank you. Talking about all of this? It’s hard. I’ve never told anyone about my parents before and my nerves are shot.”
A small smile ticked up the corner of his mouth. “I’ll give you a pass for snapping at me this time.”
She laughed softly. “This time? I’m sure it won’t be the last time I snap at you. You’re exasperating on your best days and infuriating on your worst.”
He grinned and bumped his shoulder into hers. “Aw, you get me.”
