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She held up her hands and backed up a step, widening the distance between them. “No. Please. I need—to not be near you right now. Ash, would you mind driving me?”
“No, of course not. Let me grab my keys.” He walked toward the hall to the left of the lobby and disappeared through the door at the end marked with his name.
Donovan waited until they were alone again before he spoke. “I didn’t hurt Chrissy.”
Sasha closed her eyes. One of the deputies had brought her a fleece blanket during questioning, and she now hugged it tighter around her. “You say that a lot. You didn’t hurt Darcy. You didn’t hurt Chrissy…”
“Because I didn’t.”
She opened her eyes and met his gaze for an instant before focusing on the floor between them. “I… want to believe you.”
“But?” he prompted because he heard the unspoken one at the end of her sentence.
“I’ve been listening to the podcast.”
Fuck. He should’ve known curiosity would get the better of her. “It doesn’t paint a flattering picture of me. Or, for that matter, of Darcy.”
“I know.”
“It’s twisting the truth for ratings.”
“Probably. But…” She released her breath in a sigh that moved her shoulders. “I don’t know how I feel about it, Donovan.”
His heart cracked right down the middle. He clutched his chest, wondering for an instant if he was going to keel over right there in the lobby. “You don’t believe me anymore.”
“It’s not that. It’s…” She waved a hand around them, encompassing the lobby, the hall of offices to the left of them, and the dispatch center to the right. “All of this. Even if you are innocent, I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can live with this constant shadow of suspicion and threat of danger. Are we going to end up in one of these interrogation rooms every few days for the rest of our lives? Are they going to pull you in for questioning every time a girl goes missing or a body turns up?”
He dropped his arms helplessly to his side. “We could leave. We don’t have to stay here.”
“But this is my home. All of my friends are here. My patients. My life.” She stopped pacing and met his gaze. “I’m not walking away from this relationship for good, okay? I just… this is a lot. I need a second to breathe and—”
“What, make a plan?” His laugh was bitter. “You can’t plan love or life. A checklist isn’t going to keep you from getting hurt or experiencing grief again. A list won’t bring your dad back, Sasha.”
She flinched. “That was low.”
He knew it. And he didn’t care because he was in pain, bleeding out from the deep cuts each of her truthful words had inflicted.
But he also knew he couldn’t let her go. Not yet. Not without a fight. “I’m sorry,” he said, taking a step closer to her. “I didn’t mean that. I’m scared. Scared of losing you. Scared of losing everything.”
“Me, too,” she whispered but still backed toward the door. “But I think... for now, we need some time apart.”
His heart sank. Time apart? Was this the beginning of the end? “How much time?”
“I don’t know yet.”
Donovan watched her push through the door and disappear into the haze of smoke outside. His heart was like a lead weight in his chest, crushing his stomach into knots and weighing down his lungs so he couldn’t draw a full breath. He wanted to run after her and take back everything he’d said in the last five minutes, to hold her close and beg for her forgiveness, but he knew that wouldn’t change anything.
He’d defused the bomb, but the damage had already been done.
He sagged against the wall and closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep breath before he passed out from oxygen deprivation. He needed to find a way to clear his name and prove to Sasha that he was innocent. He couldn’t blame her for her doubt or for wanting distance after today, but he couldn’t lose her— not when she was the best thing he’d ever had in his life.
Footsteps approached from the direction of Ash’s office, and he opened his eyes to find not only Ash but also Zak standing there. He could still see the boys in the two men—the brothers he’d once loved like family. He missed them.
Zak’s expression was full of sympathy. “I’m sorry, man. That was rough.”
Donovan rubbed a hand over his face, pushing away the tears he refused to cry. “Seeing that doubt in her eyes was like a knife slicing me open.”
Zak nodded. “I get it. Anna looked at me like that once, and it felt like a death blow. I didn’t think we’d recover from it, but we did. And so will you and Sasha.”
