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BEEP.BEEP. BEEP.
Heaviness weighed on my mind. Warmth cocooned me. And some annoying sound was ruining my perfect dream.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
The sound continued, dragging me closer to awareness.My alarm.
I groaned and flailed my arm blindly, trying to find my phone. My hand slammed into the side of my dresser and I flinched, the pain jolting my brain awake more.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Shut up.My hand landed on the smooth face of my phone, but my half-awake brain didn’t have coordination. The phone slipped from my fingers and clattered on the floor.Fuck…
Struggling awake, bright light filtering around my blinds assaulted my eyes. I groaned. That, mixed with the continued beeping of my alarm, forced me to wake up.
I flopped onto my back and sucked in a deep breath, yawning wide until my jaw popped. My eyes fluttered open, the vaulted ceilings of my room and gaming and movie posters and motocross trophies decorating the walls greeting me.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Grumbling, I rolled over and scooped my phone off the floor. I tapped my screen and turned my alarm off. The app paused and the most beautiful, smiling face greeted me on my lock screen.
Astrid’s eyes squinted as they always did, and her smile filled her face. Angel, a ten-week-old puppy here, eagerly licked her face. Aya, a pale woman with long, blonde dreadlocks, hung off Astrid, making the funniest cooing face at the pup.
This was the day I’d surprised Astrid with Angel. I’d hoped after all the work she’d done to tackle her fear, Angel would be the tipping point Astrid needed to overcome it. Plus, she’d been talking about wanting a pet. The initial meeting hadn’t gone smoothly, but it wasn’t long before this photo was possible.
I tucked my arm under my head and unlocked my phone. A new wallpaper showed. This one was of Astrid and me on a hiking trip just the other day. Angel posed at our feet, her tongue-lolling face just as happy as the two of us. I gazed at Astrid’s face, a sense of longing pricking my chest.
A memory of the dream I hadn’t wanted to end found its way to the surface. I held her close, stroking her cheek in an intimate way I longed to in real life. The way she looked up at me, it was clear she was used to that affection from me in the dream, and had been for some time. Years, decades even, maybe? I wasn’t sure, but in my dream, I felt how long it was. And yet, we looked the same as we did right now.
I blew out a breath and sat up, hanging my feet off the bed and rubbing my face.It was just a dream.They happened—a lot. It was how I’d screwed any potential between us, because like the naïve child I was, the night before I met her, I’d dreamed of a red-haired girl with a face scar I’d be best friends with. We were friends forever. So, of course, when I saw her that day, I made my declaration.
Objectively hot.I ran my fingers through my disheveled hair. I deserved that. I’d tested boundaries so many times since I started seeing her differently in high school, and each time it was clear she took our friendship as it was.
I thought I’d had her yesterday. I knew I was attractive. I had my share of people to choose from in high school and college, in my attempt to try and find someone I didn’t compare to Astrid, and I would become completely enamored with instead. And every one of those people, while not that special person for me, appreciated what I brought to those relationships. And there was no way Astrid wouldn’t have come even a little undone after what I’d asked her to do if she did feel something toward me.
I sighed and turned my gaze to a photo sitting on my dresser. I lifted the frame and stared at the impressively tall woman with alabaster skin, pale eyes, and even paler hair I always swore was silver. She had her arms wrapped around six-year-old me, both of us smiling for my dad, who I remember taking this photo.
I was so happy that day. So unaware how much our lives would change the next day when they would tell me Mom was sick, and we’d be moving from Spain to the States so she could receive specialized treatments.
My finger traced her delicate face.I know that dream was only a dream, because you were there. And there’s no bringing back the dead…
My chest constricted until it felt like I was suffocating. I placed her photo frame back on my nightstand, turning away.
I was sure that if she were still here, she’d have some brilliant advice on how to approach my Astrid issue. I couldn’t go to Dad. I loved him, but his advice would surely have me driving Astrid away with how forwardly romantic he’d suggest I be. That wasn’t to say I wasn’t a romantic. Hell, I learned from the best, watching my father romance my mother every day.
But my father came off fairly strong. Even my mother admitted to me one day, she was almost put off by my father’s forwardness when they first met.And like hell I’ll talk to Darius about how to go about dating his daughter.
I wasn’t afraid of her father. No, he was a good man and didn’t do the crazy overprotective thing. What I feared was him intentionally trying to make me look like a fool for the laughs. It would probably be effective, but I wasn’t looking to embarrass myself into eternity to win Astrid’s affections.
I shook my head of the thoughts and found my workout clothes. A strong routine would get my head on straight—or as straight as it could be for me.
Moving through the house, I noticed the stillness. No clicking of computer keys or anyone rummaging around in the kitchen. I knew Astrid would be outside doing archery practice. She mentioned it last night. But it was Aya’s lack of presence that made part of this not feel right. She was always up before either of us and doing something on a computer.
Even my father’s and Darius’ lacking presence felt wrong. It was like life was a little emptier with them missing.
I paused at the stairs leading to the basement. Music pulsed below. Not so loud it would wake someone sleeping on the first floor if they were around, but enough to have purpose. The beat had the perfect rhythm for sets.Viking metal?
That could only mean Astrid was using the gym. She had an eclectic taste of music, from nineties pop to heavy metal. I didn’t understand her tastes one bit, and Aya hadn’t helped. She was the one to introduce Astrid to Viking metal after finding out she enjoyed Nordic folk, and Astrid practically breathed the stuff now. It seemed to resonate with her in a way most other music didn’t.
