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I gazed at the jewelry. “I’m so surprised all of this is in such good condition. The fact so much lasted during my time as an immortal, let alone to this point.”
Tyr tapped on the box. “You got good at enchanting items. The box protects them from the typical breakdown of time.”
I pursed my lips. That explained the sensation I felt. “Hopefully, I’ll figure out this magic shit better and be able to enchant items again.”
Tyr rested his hand on my leg. “You will. I have faith in you, like I always have.”
Warmth seeped through my leg and throughout my body. I swallowed hard as he held eye contact with me, my heart’s pace picking up erratically. An invisible pull tugged at me, urging me to be closer, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to heed it. I knew what that pull wanted, but I didn’t know what I wanted.
Sometimes I thought I did, and then the next moment I was unsure again. This was all so confusing.
I tore my gaze away to pick through my jewelry.
It was better this way right now. I hadn’t really told anyone, but I couldn’t say I understood who I was anymore. I understood what everyone expected me to be, on different levels, but that made things worse.
How could I make important decisions for myself if I didn’t know who I was?
Tyr touched my elbow. “Valkyrie, what’s wrong?”
I paused, conflicting emotions flickering through me like always lately when he called me that. “I’m just… processing.”
“You tend to get quiet when you remember things,” he said.
“I just need time to figure things out.”
His grip tightened just a bit. “You never come to us to help you, though.”
I shrugged. “What can you do to help me?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “But I want to, however you need me to.”
I looked up at him. “Have you ever gone through life knowing who you were, only to have that security ripped away one day, and you’re left trying to figure things out under a timeline?”
Tyr frowned. “No, I suppose I can’t say I have.”
“Don’t get me wrong, Tyr, I’m glad to know more about the world I live in, and I get to experience some cool shit with people who are awesome. I am enjoying learning new things and experiencing the memories of the people I knew, and seeing how I can incorporate those bonds into my life now. I accept this past I’m remembering was mine. It’s just not as easy as fitting a round peg into a round hole. I have to process each memory and feeling, and figure out how that affects who I am and my understanding of that person. And right now… I can’t say I know who I am.”
And there was the truth, out in the open.
He worked his jaw. “Do you want us to stop? Would you rather… we walked away?”
“No. I just want people to be patient with me.” I pulled his large hand between my smaller ones. “I needyouto be patient with me. I know this isn’t easy on you in different ways. I can’t imagine being in your shoes and having to measure your expectations after you spent so much time and energy to get me back. And I’m sorry I can’t live up to those exact—”
“No.” He curled his hand around mine. “I don’t want you to apologize. I was warned not to have these expectations when we started this path I forced us all down, and I didn’t listen. That is for me to handle, not you. I have made it clear, I’m not here to cause you problems. I’ve been open about what I would like, and I’m not ashamed of that, but that doesn’t mean you have to give what I’ve asked for.”
Tyr squeezed my hand. “I want you to figure out who you are first, and then decide what you want. And I will respect whatever you choose.”
Warmth bloomed in my chest. I appreciated his honesty, and I did find his boldness quite appealing.
But there was something I wanted to know that I hadn’t known how to bring up. And now seemed the best chance I’d get. “How often do you compare the present me to the past?”
Tyr didn’t respond right away. His eyes grew contemplative and his tongue absently dragged along his lower lip. My gaze followed and an urge to lean in and kiss him—to taste him—like I did on the deck earlier this week, flashed through me.
He opened his mouth to speak finally when Diego appeared in my doorway. “Hey, Astrid, you decent?”
I peered around Tyr. “What is it with people barging into my room before me acknowledging them today?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. Aya’s back, and she has some people she wants you to meet. Seemed important with how many of them there are.”
