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Aya hadn’t planned a lot of activities for me. She just wanted me to slip into the simulated time period and allow my memories to flow freely—and it worked.
Between the people I knew, Runavík’s replication, and various activities, my mind flooded with memories—nothing that actually helped us in the end with my death, but a piece of me felt a little more whole with each memory.
It was a strange feeling to accept, and it defied logic.Why should experiencing a past life of mine make me feel whole? Why can’t I feel whole without it? Does that make this current life fake?
I shook the negative thoughts from my head. Losing all sense of who you were and trying to find the real you wasn’t easy. I was trying to be gentle with myself, and accept whoever came out at the end, but I did have my concerns, too. I constantly questioned whether my thoughts and feelings belonged to me, or a past version of me, whereas before, I would have always assumed it was me. I didn’t trust myself, and that was maybe the most unsettling part of not understanding who I was anymore.
The flyting ended, Frey coming out victorious. People cheered and clapped before Aya ushered them on to me with her special guided tour. I knew what to do, taking up my part as a volva. My past guided me through the motions and lectures, from herbs and healing to rituals.
I even performed several blood rituals that the onlookers believed were fake, but I’d secretly used real animal blood. And it was clear, to my eyes, that it had their desired effect on the gods here I’d performed these for. To an untrained eye, some might think they were joining in the revelry of the ritual, but it was clear to everyone else that gods didn’t get the same power boost from sacrifices and prayer that they had in the past.I’m going to have to add this to my list to do on the regular.We needed the gods to be at their highest strength possible if we were going to win this fight.
After my demonstration, Aya guided the tour away for a bit, giving me a breather. Diego sat down with me and whittled on some wood. He wasn’t very good, but it gave him something to do. And I also gave him a few pointers, even going as far as taking his hands in mine to show him when he insisted he didn’t understand. I wasn’t fooled, but he was a little too charming to resist.
Some of it reminded me of my time with my brother. He ended up taking over the family trade, as was customary at the time, but my father hadn’t prevented me from learning or teaching Leif when he was old enough to start. It sent a pang of longing through me.I miss them.
My attention was drawn away by the sounds of Tyr and Fen roaring. The children with them also roared, imitating their brawny teachers. The way Tyr handled the children made my ovaries do an annoying happy dance.If I could punch my own ovaries, I would.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of my hormonal torment.
A little girl wandered away from the sewing activity Hilda oversaw and came up to Diego. He smiled at her and encouraged her curiosity, taking her into his arms and showing her the same techniques I’d just taught him in a gentle and safe way so she wouldn’t get hurt but still could give the whittling a try.Yup, I’m doomed.
I rose. A walk would do me some good. “Does anyone need anything? Going to stretch my legs.”
Diego looked up at me. “Food would be great.”
A few others agreed. I grabbed a basket so I could bring some back immediately, and planned to have more delivered.
“While you’re wandering around, can you keep an eye out for Raeni?” Carrie asked. “She went to get something to drink a bit ago and hasn’t returned. I’m sure she got distracted with everything going on, but I just want to make sure.”
I smiled. “Of course I can.”
Holding my basket against my hip, I wandered at a leisurely pace. I wouldn’t take too long to get everyone’s food, but I didn’t need to rush. And it was good for me to do this. Much like I did in my current life, my memories told me I used to go out for aimless walks on the regular just to have some time alone and think.
There was no pressure, no one breathing down my neck with expectations—just me and my thoughts, something I needed. Remembering so much had taken its toll on me.
I gasped when I collided with something solid and stumbled back, my basket clattering on the ground. The decently sturdy object I’d collided with grunted. I snapped my attention up and my eyes went wide. I’d walked right into a pale man with gaunt features and black hair. He had a large scar cutting across his face.
A feeling of familiarity came about with this man, and not in a good way. I couldn’t pull a memory with any clarity as to where I’d met him.
“I am so sorry,” I blurted. “I was so lost in my thoughts I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
He chuckled and picked up my basket. When he offered it to me, he rasped, “No harm done.”
A shiver ran down my spine when my eyes met his strange amber-gold ones. Something deep inside me screamed to run.This man isn’t safe.
“Take care where you step, young volva,” he said, continuing down his path. “You don’t want to accidentally run into trouble.”
My feet moved without my say-so, my pulse thrumming in my veins. I needed to get away from here ASAP and still I didn’t know why.He called me volva.Of course he had. Aya had used me in her tour. He probably was part of that group, and since we were to be in character as much as possible, people would respond to that.
And yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling plaguing me that danger was right around the corner.
Rounding the bend, I came face-to-face with a wall of people. Peering around them, I found them waiting in line for one of the food stalls.Good thing those working the event get to skip the line.I didn’t want to think how long it’d take to get my food otherwise.
Weaving around the crowd, I looked for the employee line I’d been told about earlier. I smiled when I found Raeni standing in that line. She noticed my approach and waved.
“Come to find me?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Your mom was curious where you went, and asked me to keep an eye out for you, but I’m here to stretch my legs and get everyone food.”
