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Without any warning, I crumble.
The mask that I’ve used as protection slips from my grasp, and shatters all around me.
“Shh… it’s okay. Let it all out. I’ve got you,” Gemini whispers.
A breath-catching sob escapes, and I lift my good arm around his neck, clinging to his offering of support. Digging down deep inside myself, I find the courage to give my emotions a voice.
“I’ve been broken for a really long time. I just had a very convincing mask firmly in place for the world to see,” I sob.
“Heather, you’re not as convincing as you think. I saw through it the second you sat down at my desk,” his voice is gruff with emotion, and I cling to him, wishing I wasn’t the cause for it.
He pauses briefly, but not long enough for me to respond, “I’m going to help you heal, and someday, you’re going to look back and be proud of how strong you are right now, in this moment, even when I know you don’t feel it. I’m so fucking proud of you, for the strength you don’t even know you have.”
“Stop,” I say, not able to hear anymore.I can’t accept his words for truth. How can I, when I look at the mess I’ve made?
“Never,” he says fiercely, giving me a gentle squeeze before letting me go and helping me to lay back in bed. “Go back to sleep, and heal so we can go home to Zander.”
“Okay,” I whisper, not able to speak louder from all the emotions swirling inside me.
He kisses my lips softly, then goes back to his chair and settles in.
I should be afraid of him, but I’m not.I guess I’m not so badly broken that I can’t find the good in others. Or maybe that’s a flaw.I always tried to find the good in Steven even to my own detriment.
Just as I’m nodding off, a nurse comes in to check my vitals. Gemini comes to stand next to my bed, and holds my hand for moral support. Tears fall down my face at having something I’ve craved of for years, but never been provided.
“Are you in pain, Mrs. Black?” The nurse asks me. The use of my husband's last name grates on me, setting my teeth on edge. Once my divorce is final, that’s the first thing I’m changing.
I shake my head, not able to get the words out, around the lump of emotion in my throat.
“You’re sure?” she persists, eyeing Gemini.
“Yes,” I squeeze past my emotions, and give her a flash of a smile.
“Okay,” she pats my hand, then makes some notes on my chart, and then leaves us alone.
Gemini moves to go back to his chair, but I hold fast to his hand, “Stay.”
I pull his hand to help him understand what I want, and he carefully rearranges the wires before he gets into the bed with me. He positions himself so I'm practically on top of the hard planes of his body. It's surprisingly comfortable. I fall asleep, listening to the steady beat of his heart, wrapped in the safety of his embrace.
***
The sun shining brightly through the breaks in the window shades has me rousing from sleep. I take in the room and have a moment of panic, finding it empty, but then I hear the toilet flush, then the faucet turning on and off before Gemini comes out. His eyes automatically land on me, and at finding me awake he smiles, coming over to me.
“Hey baby, how ya’ feeling?” His eyes seem less sad as he approaches me.
“Rested,” my answer is simple, but true. While I’m sore and my head hurts, I feel emotionally lighter, just knowing I don’t have to go back to Steven ever again.
“Good. That’s good. I suspect they’ll let you go home today if nothing comes from your CT scans.” He sits on the edge of the bed, taking my hand and kissing the center of my palm.
“Jaz, my brother, and Jonas have been busting their asses to get your apartment ready in the hope that you’re free to leave today,” he says.
That is a relief. I was not looking forward to getting settled in my current state. Reaching for some of my newfound courage I ask, “Can you stay with me for a few nights? Just until I’m able to move around on my own a bit more?” I bite my lip to alleviate some of my worry.
Very slowly, he lifts the hand not holding mine and frees my lips from my teeth, “I’d be more than happy to, baby,” he says in a soft, dare I say loving, voice before he leans in and his lips meet mine in a tender kiss that has my heart going from racing to calm. It’s beautiful, just like him.
The nurse comes in, breaking our moment, and says, “Your tests all came back just fine. So as long as your doctor doesn’t have any concerns, you should be able to go home today.” Her smile is bright as she comes up and checks the IV.
I haven’t hit the call button once, not wanting to abuse it.
