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“So you’re a Gagnon now?” I bit my lip to keep from smiling.
“Hazel Markey is getting a PhD. Hazel Gagnon is going to be one half of a wife carrying championship team and crush Crystal and that sentient saltine she’s engaged to.”
And with that, I lost the fight to keep from smiling. In fact, I flat out threw my head back and guffawed. Damn, I loved when she was like this, fiery and feisty and on my team.
“So get focused,” she demanded, eyeing me until I got my laughter under control. “We won’t know the course until we get there. But the standard wife carrying course involves running uphill and downhill on uneven terrain, two land obstacles, and one water obstacle. There are usually logs to jump over and lots of mud.”
“So I’ll be giving you a piggyback ride through it all?” I asked, scanning the different positions she was explaining.
She scoffed. “A piggyback ride? You sweet, simple man. This is so much more than a piggyback.”
On her laptop, she toggled to a photo of a man carrying an upside-down woman on his back. It wasn’t just an upside down piggyback either. The woman’s crotch rested on the back of his neck, and her legs draped over his shoulders. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her face inches above his ass. If I didn’t know better, I’d think this was some weird, rejected karma sutra position.
“I’ve studied competitive wife carrying extensively, and we’re going to do the Estonian carry.”
I shook my head, trying to keep all my sexual thoughts under control. “Sorry. One more time?”
“There are many ways to carry your wife on your back. However, the most effective is the Estonian carry. Especially if your wife has short legs that won’t impede your peripheral vision.”
“Okay,” I drawled, dubious. How on earth could I jump over logs like this? Hazel was small, but she was still an adult human being. And this was… intimate. We would be getting up close and personal with one another’s parts. And while I was very open to that possibility, in the woods, sweating and fully clothed, was not my ideal scenario.
“So if I’m upside down and hanging on to your back with my legs wrapped around you, the bulk of my weight will be distributed to your shoulders, which frees up your legs. You can use all your lower body strength to push us up hills and control yourself running back down.”
My thoughts were still spiraling, but I cleared my throat and sat back again when she pushed up her glasses and dug back into her theories.
“It also allows us to be more aerodynamic. The most important thing for me to remember with this position is to not squeeze too hard with my legs, because I could cut off your air supply. You could pass out, so we don’t want that to happen. To avoid that, we need practice, but I’m feeling good about this.”
My brain swam with all this new information. “I appreciate all of this,” I said slowly, “but I have to train for the competition events too. The charity event looks fun, and I’d love to kick Cedric’s and Crystal’s asses, but I should focus on what’s going to help me get the sponsorships I need. I don’t have a ton of time, and I may never get this chance again.”
“Flip to page four.” She nodded at the packet still in my hands. “I don’t want to take up too much of your time. So we’ll focus on teamwork and balance together, and everything else you need, you can build from your current training. There are so many crossover skills.
“If we want to win, you need to be strong, powerful, and agile. What do you need to be a great lumberjack?”
I nodded. Of course she had already thought of everything. “All of those things,” I grumbled.
She pumped her fist. “Exactly! So you keep running and lifting and swinging your axe and leave the strategy to me.” She jumped up and bounded for the front door, where her shoes were waiting on the mat.
“Because if there’s one thing I do understand, it’s physics.”
Chapter23
Hazel
As his fingertips grazed over my butt for the eleventh time in as many minutes, I reached a very scientific conclusion. Analyzing the data was a lot different from letting one’s husband of convenience put his hands everywhere.
And they were big, callused hands with strong fingers. And as we practiced, they wereallover my body.
After a few tries, we sort of got it. Getting into the position was the hardest part. I stood, legs spread, and Remy crouched and tipped forward, putting his head between them and then throwing me onto his back. When I’d fantasized about his head between my legs, this wasnotwhat I was thinking about.
It was bumpy and a bit terrifying. My legs were literally wrapped around his neck and shoulders, and I was eye level—upside down, of course—with his very round, very firm, very muscular ass. Sure, I’d noticed it before. But up close?Damn, this thing could crack walnuts. It was the kind of detail I didn’t need to know about my husband, especially as I was clinging to him like an upside-down spider monkey.
If I was the kind of woman who could convincingly lie to herself, I’d say it didn’t matter. That I wasn’t attracted to strong, round, muscular man butts. But alas, I was truthful to a fault, and I had to concentrate really hard on not accidentally taking a bite out of it.
Instead, I focused on getting the hold correctly. It was far from comfortable, but once we got it, I could see the advantage. He had use of his arms, and our weight was well distributed for balance. Way better than a piggyback or a fireman’s carry.
But my crotch was rubbing up against the back of his head. So not totally ideal.
Once we nailed the hold. It was time to try running up and downhill.
