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“Why not?” she asked, tapping her chin. “Does he have dozens of creepy teddy bears set up on his bed? Or—ooh,” she crowed, clearly on a roll, “is his body covered with hideous scars?” She shook her head. “Nah, scratch that. Scars are hot. Let’s be honest, you’d still hit it.”
Slumping my shoulders, I dragged a hand down my face. “Please stop talking.”
“I’m just saying. You bought the cow, may as well enjoy the milk while you can.”
“Could you be any more disgusting?”
She smiled and steepled her fingers like a Disney villain. “Challenge accepted, my friend. What does he wear to bed? Boxers? Briefs.” She paused. “Ooh. Ooh. Gray sweats? He strikes me as a guy who goes commando. But I haven’t taken a good look at what he’s packing.” Planting her hands on the bar top, she stood on the rungs of her stool and peered around the bar. “Where is he?” she asked, dropping back onto her seat. “I’ll check out what he’s working with.”
“Don’t you dare.” I growled. “If you look at my husband’s junk, I will kick your ass.”
Lydia slammed a palm down on the bar. “There it is. The Hazel fire. You try so hard to be little miss meek and mild, but I’ve known you forever. Get jealous, get man. He’s your man now.”
I had been played.
Pinning her with a glare, I leaned over the bar. “I hate you right now.”
“Nope. You love me. Because I don’t sugarcoat things. And now you’re gonna take a deep breath and tell me what’s really going on.”
“Fine.” I huffed. “We’ve kissed. It was hot and intense, and I don’t know what’s happening except I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Fuck yeah.” She did an exaggerated fist pump, drawing all kinds of stares.
“Subject change,” I said, hoping no one had overheard any of that. Unlikely, given Lydia’s penchant for the dramatic. “Let’s talk about you.”
“Ha. Sure thing. I got stood up last night. Then another guy messaged me asking for photos of my toes.”
“Did you send them?”
She twirled her wine glass slowly and lifted her chin. “Well, he’s employed, has hair, and my preliminary background check indicates that he’s actually single and not some creepy married guy trying to get some on the side, so I most certainly did.”
I gasped.
“Like you’re one to judge. I’m kink friendly to a point. And given how limited my options are these days. I’d be stupid to disqualify a suitor over a little foot action.”
I laughed so hard I broke out into a coughing fit.
“Careful, I know I’m hilarious. But you just had surgery. Don’t rip your stitches.”
“It was weeks ago.”
“Still. They removed an organ.”
“I’m fine.”
“Sure thing. You’re totally fine. You’re not desperate to fuck your hot lumberjack husband, and you’re not in denial at all, yup. Sounds about right!” She raised her wineglass and gulped half of it, as if toasting my delusion.
Jim brought another tray of clean glassware out, giving Lydia a nod and me a look of pure disgust.
“Good to see you, Jim,” Lydia said.
He ignored her. “Still can’t believe this one got married,” he said, shaking his head.
“I’ve told you a dozen times. It’s none of your damn business.”
He ignored my response, instead turning to Lydia. “I really thought she was smart enough to know better than to get hitched to a Gagnon.”
Lydia snorted into her wine.
