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She threw her head back and guffawed. “Yeah, I didn’t do that. I just thought it was oily because it’s healthy.”
I couldn’t help but laugh along with her, dumping both sandwiches in the trash and pulling smoothie ingredients from the freezer.
Soon, we were both howling, the sheer insanity of the last twenty-four hours catching up with us.
“I made you a frozen peanut oil sandwich,” she said, slapping her thigh. “Wife of the year over here!”
Leaning across the kitchen island, I planted a smacking kiss on her lips. “I didn’t marry you for your cooking abilities.”
She covered her face and snorted. “I hope you didn’t marry me for my laundry prowess either.”
I froze. Had Hazel attempted laundry? I’d been throwing a load in most mornings before she got up to keep her away from the state-of-the-art machines Henri had in the cabin. Looked like my hunch that she’d be just as awful with laundry as she was in the kitchen was right.
“It’s fine,” I said, preemptively steeling myself for the news she was about to deliver.
“I threw a big load in. Towels, clothes, the works. And I used hot water because I figured it would kill all the germs.”
“And…”
“I have no idea what I’m doing, okay? I always dropped my laundry off in the city. It was a pay by the pound kind of thing. The Polish family that lived in the triple decker next door owned the place. I tutored their daughter in math, and they did all my laundry and dry cleaning for free.”
“So…”
“So you know those mesh running shorts you’re always working out in?”
I nodded, one eye twitching.
“They kind of shrunk.” She popped up from her stool and shuffled to the laundry closet. Cringing at me, she opened the door and snagged a pair of black shorts off the top of a pile of haphazardly folded clothes.
They were tiny. Truly tiny. Like the size of a pair of underwear. Like if I hadn’t known better, I would have thought they belonged to her.
“On the bright side,” she said, holding them out in front of her and giving me a wink, “they’ll really show off those gams!”
I darted over to her and slung her over my shoulder, giving her ass a slap. “Such a bad wife,” I growled, though it was mixed with laughter. “I better punish you for being so bad.”
She giggled and pinched my ass. “I think I’m going to like my punishment.”
I spanked her again, a bit harder this time. “Oh, babe, you are going to love it.”
Chapter28
Hazel
Lydia eyed me suspiciously over our coffee and veggie omelets at the diner. “You’re glowing, and I know hydra facials aren’t your thing, so it’s clearly orgasms. Spill.”
My face flamed as I whipped my head from one side to the other, terrified someone had overheard her. The gossip mill in this town was insane.
“What’s the problem? You’re married. No one with eyes would think you weren’t hitting that fine lumbersnack.”
“Can you please stop?” I hissed over my mug. “Things are really complicated right now.”
Lydia almost snorted out her coffee. “Oh please. Complicated?” She wiped at her chin with a napkin. “Nope. I can see it clear as day on your face. You’re in love with him. And taking a ride on his big lumbercock confirmed what I already knew.”
I buried my face in my hands. Clearly, I wasn’t hiding anything from her. “It was more than one ride,” I said, still not making eye contact.
“Good man.” She pumped her fist. “I knew he’d step up. And I’m proud of you. Getting those marital benefits. Joint tax returns aren’t the only plus, you know. The twenty-four seven access to excellent cock is part of the deal too.”
Looking at my oldest friend right then, I had to fight the overwhelming sensation to shake her. This was so not the time or the place for this conversation. “Stop talking about my husband’s cock,” I whispered.
