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“Why not?” he scoffed. “Because it’s the truth?”
I shook my head. Damn it, why did I have to poke this bear? We had been dancing around our feelings for weeks, living in denial and having a blast.
“Remy,” I pleaded. “We had an agreement. I had the surgery I needed. You’re going to nationals in a few weeks, and we’re working our asses off to be the best wife carrying team there.”
“I don’t give a shit about our agreement. The reasons we got married in the first place don’t matter anymore. You are my wife, in body and spirit. This is a real marriage, whether you want to admit it or not.”
His face was inches away from mine, and his chest was heaving so violently it brushed against mine with every inhale. It would be so easy to let go. To free fall into his arms, just like I had into his bed. But I knew better. I owed it to myself and to Remy to keep some boundaries in place.
“Tell me,” he growled. “Tell me you don’t have feelings for me.”
“My feelings are irrelevant.”
His fist connected with the wall next to me, making me flinch. “They are not. Tell me, Hazel.”
I regarded his pained expression, the fire in his eyes that had shifted, now fueled by anguish rather than desire. So badly, I wished I could tell him what he wanted to hear, to smooth things over and reassure him. But that wouldn’t be fair. I had no idea what the future held, and I had been the recipient of too many broken promises in my life to make any of my own.
He caressed my face. “I know you’re scared. It’s fine. I’ll be brave for both of us. Hazel, my friend, my wife, the person who makes me want to be better every day of my damn life. I love you.”
He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. At the contact, I closed my eyes, giving myself a few seconds to soak this in, to enjoy it.
“You don’t have to say or do anything,” he rasped. “But I can’t hold this in anymore. You have knocked me straight onto my ass, and I feel so fucking lucky to be your husband, even for a short time.”
I threw my arms around his neck, clinging to him. I wanted to say it. Tell him that I loved him and that I cherished every second with him.
But I had been on my own my entire life. During so many lonely days, I had dreams of being that girl. The girl who fell in love, who got the doting husband and the kids and the summer cookouts and the happily ever afters. But that’s all they were. Dreams. Because I was not and would never be that girl.
“I want to be yours,” I said into his chest, greedily taking the warmth and comfort his body so readily gave.
“Youaremine,” he replied, his hands roving down my sides and gripping my hips hard. “I know what’s at stake, but I’m not losing you. Get used to it, babe. Because you might not be ready yet, but I’m warning you now—I’m making you mine forever.”
Chapter36
Remy
Being stuck in a torrential downpour in a remote mountain cabin was kind of hot.
Both literally and figuratively.
We passed the hours playing hangman and tic-tac-toe in the notebook Hazel had packed and reminiscing about our childhoods.
But I was growing restless. I had laid it all out there. Told her how I felt. And she had reciprocated… sort of. Hazel had always struggled to be vulnerable, to trust anyone. So when she’d told me she wanted to be mine? Well, my brain went wild. We had officially crossed the line into something more, something lasting. It would take time and a lot of patience to get her to where I was, but it was a start. And I’d take it.
A lifetime of friendship plus a couple of months of marriage had taught me a few things about my wife. And I’d use that knowledge to the best of my ability.
So I dropped to the floor and started doing pushups. There wasn’t much else to do here anyway, and I needed my body in top form. Plus, I had to burn off the wild energy coursing through my veins.
I paused between sets and looked up at her. She was staring, biting the pen. Her eyes were wide, and her chest was rising and falling rapidly.
With a wink, I started my next set. Because my self-control was fading and I needed the outlet. My feelings and my need for her threatened to overtake me, and the last thing I wanted was for her to retreat after such a major victory.
“Do you have to do that right now?” she asked.
I sat back on my knees, using the hem of my T-shirt to mop the sweat off my face, catching the moment her eyes widened. Jackpot.
“While I admire your dedication to training, being stuck in a tiny cabin in a lightning storm is hard enough. You know watching you knock out pushups like a Navy freaking SEAL gives me a throbbing lady boner.”
I laughed. “Lady boner?”
