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Tal argued that there were things there that only I could do. I had to keep up appearances around the castle. They were already whispering that I was losing my grip on reality. I slept more than anyone else. They didn’t know that was the only time I could see my love, though.
The world was a lot kinder in my dreams when I could be with Rhoan for there was no point in reality when I didn’t have him. As much as I appreciated the beast, it wasn’t the man I loved.
“Beryl caused a distraction so someone could slip in and steal Rhoan from us. She’s indulging Faust, and I want to know why. The man must have something over her.”
Tal sighed. “Are you sure this is important? Faust holds many nightmares, both sleeping and waking. It would not surprise me in the least if he had simply used them to earn Beryl’s favor as of late.”
Faust had lost the one thing he’d been working to achieve: Rhoan. Though the clause in their contract had turned Rhoan into a beast, Rhoan did not become a part of Faust’s menagerie. The Sluagh, Faust’s nightmare army, did not gain a new soldier. Instead, Rhoan’s beast had chosen to stay beside me.
Tal was right. I had a lot of work to do. Beryl knew what she was doing when she let Faust take Rhoan from me. She’d known that it would distract me to the point where I wouldn’t be around when she struck.
I gripped the kitchen island’s counter and stared down at the marbled surface. Caught between duty and love, I wanted to thrash and throw a tantrum. Somehow, I managed to keep it tamped down. I sucked in a breath and steadied myself. There had to be a course of action that would get me everything I wanted.
I refused any other option. No one could take my future from me. I would shed as much blood and as many tears as it took. I’d learned the hard way that both were cheap in the grand scheme of things.
“Cerridwen,” Tal warned under his breath.
I turned and lifted my chin.
Tal spread his feet apart in a battle stance. “Am I supposed to keep lying on your behalf? Am I supposed to tell your people that you’re perfectly fine and that you’re plotting to free them from the doom looming over all of our heads? Because while you’re flitting about with your indulgences, there are people looking up at the storm cloud preparing to rain hell upon us all.”
I softened. “I know that you only want the best for the court, but there was a time when you wanted the best for me, too. You asked Ostara to hide me somewhere I’d be safe from Beryl. It was you who chose the Pack, and I don’t blame you for your choice. You didn’t know what he would become or that Ness would be among my generation.
“All I’m asking for is a little more time so that I can have a reason to keep living.”
The words caught like needles in my throat. It was something that I’d been putting off saying. Everyone wanted my dedication, my blood, and my nightmares. I deserved a small slice of happiness if this was a path that I would have to keep walking.
Otherwise…I didn’t see a point outside of duty.
Tal could see the wavering tears filling my eyes. He hung his head. I liked to think that he understood. He and his first lover, Lord Foxglove, had a twisted romance that burned them both yet they kept going back. Couldn’t he understand that love wasn’t so easy?
5
RHOAN
Cerri had returned. From where? I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that I was excited to see her again. It made my blood warm and my heart flutter. I reached to pull her into my arms and dance her around the living room while the stars outside the floor-to-ceiling windows twinkled with vibrant life.
There was nowhere else I’d rather be. Cerri’s moonlight hair streamed over her shoulders. I could have lost myself counting the freckles on her bountiful chest. Instead, I dragged my gaze up to her solemn sage eyes.
I cupped her cheek and asked, “What’s wrong, princess?”
She leaned into my hand, but I could see the solemness taking hold of her. It weighed down her expression and slowed her steps.
“I can’t save you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” I pulled Cerri tight to my chest where I could keep her safe from all that worried her. “Let me make things right for you.”
“I don’t want to break the illusion,” she whispered into my chest.
“What illusion?” I meant to laugh, but the sound wouldn’t come out. There was a hint of nervousness that shook my voice instead.
Lips sealed shut, I swayed with Cerri in my arms while I tried to figure out why I was so shaken. She felt real enough in my arms. I ran my hand up and down her freckled arm. She was warm to the touch and even left a pale glimmer on my palm like a moth’s wing would.
The apartment was dimly lit. Though much of it was bathed in shadows, it still seemed right. There was the curtain of flowers hanging over her bedroom door. The plant over the kitchen window had grown too large for its pot and spilled out in every direction.
Cerri touched my cheek and turned my face back to make me look at her. It was then that I felt the feathers along my jaw. They shouldn’t have been there. I searched inward for the beast, but I couldn’t feel it anywhere near the surface. I couldn’t feel it at all, in fact.
“What’s happening?” I asked, voice low like I might shatter something I couldn’t see if I spoke too loudly.
“We’re in a dream, my love.”
