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I even thanked him before I could swallow the words back in so they never saw the light of day, knowing they would have pleased him immensely. How messed up was that? To thank a person for checking in on you, tending to your wounds, when they were the one who’d taken pleasure inflicting them?
I used the spare time I had to complete some essays, and starting new ones; it allowed me to breeze on ahead in my subject work. Giving myself a mental pat on the back for that, considering I’d done it in gruelling pain, with the culprit hovering over me. Deciding to inject himself more into my daily life than what he had already done and being in physical pain, I didn’t have the mental strength to send him away and deal with the fallout.
I had healed enough that I could return to my lectures, with a full face of makeup applied, despite my lip being tender and still looking a bit swollen. But unless you looked close enough past the lipstick I’d caked on, you wouldn’t notice. My foundation covered the bruise lingering round the lower part of one side of my face.
I was one hundred percent ready to escape at full speed from the repression of this dorm room and dive headfirst into anything to cause a distraction. Perhaps I’d even welcome a few curse words and bitchy looks from some random assholes around the campus to mix it up for a bit of enjoyment.
Taking the chance to flee, I stuffed my feet in my Chucks, jammed my essentials in my pockets and grabbed my large bag stuffed with textbooks. Off the top of my head, I couldn’t remember which lectures I had today, but I’d pull up my timetable once I was sitting down in one of the onsite cafes with a warm tea clasped firmly in my hand.
I’d mentioned to him yesterday that I was returning to normal today, so he shouldn’t be surprised waking up and finding that I had disappeared. Remembering to quickly send him a message informing him where I’d gone, I swiped my phone out of my pocket, thumbing out a brief message before pocketing it.
Pondering over how peculiar it was that he’d taken to staying with me, I shrugged off the weirdness and embraced a brand-new day, hoping eyes didn’t linger on my face too long or on the way my body moved at a slightly slower pace due to the injuries. The area surrounding my ribs kept tightening in pain, but I knew from experience they weren’t broken, just badly bruised, and would take a few more days to heal.
I’d made extra effort with my clothing and make up today, that didn’t go unnoticed. The stares which turned my way were unwanted—as usual.
Grabbing a hot tea from one of the serving areas, I made my way to one of the social recreation areas. I took a seat at a desk in the corner, pulling out my phone and mindlessly scrolling while sipping and savouring the drink, enjoying the small quiet moment I’d shaped for myself.
I came across an advert on social media with a healthy amount of likes and comments underneath the photo. It was for the new Hollywood movie that released shortly, with the main leading actress named Paris Blue. She was a stunning, well-known actress who was only a few years older than me and had risen to fame from nowhere. And damn if I didn’t feel like an actress within my own life reel. I tapped the like option myself, deciding I didn’t care if I was spammed with future adverts. Maybe it’d give me something interesting to look at for a change.
“Boo.”
Somebody whispered directly into my ear. My phone flew to the floor and I shoved my elbow into the stomach of whoever was standing next to me causing anoomphto pass their lips. I kept the groan of pain from the unexpected sudden movement held in, some of my now lukewarm tea spilling onto my top causing curses to flow freely under my breath as the liquid soaked through the bottom of my bottle green sweater.
I jumped up, spinning round and my heart rate slowed. Daniel rubbed his stomach where I’d hit. His eyes lit with humour, rolling his lips together to keep the laughter contained.
“Funny,” I deadpanned, rolling my eyes, ignoring the slip of laughter that couldn’t be held in. “Look what you’ve done.” I flourished my hand over my sweater where the liquid had seeped.
“Sorry,” he expressed.
Yet I couldn’t be mad at my friend for his practical joke and my overreaction to it. I pointed my finger at him. “Asshole. Don’t do it again.” I gave him a small smile and pulled the sweater over my head, hooking it over the chair next to me to dry. Tugging down the t-shirt that had ridden up my stomach, I hoped that Daniel saw nothing or if he did, he minded his own business and ignored it.
“Mil—” he started, but I cut him off, giving him a pointed look, shaking my head. He needed to ignore the flash he got of the bruises littering my lower stomach. And to not ask questions.
“Don’t,” I warned, my voice hard. He looked at me with pity in his eyes and I clamped my teeth together to not lash out. Ihatedpity. It was a pointless and unnecessary emotion that just made me want to snarl in anger, rejecting it with everything I was.
His throat bobbed as he shook his head in denial and he went to speak, but I cut him off again, lying through my teeth. “It’s consensual.” More, he needed more.Keep selling it. “It’s a kink,” I shrugged my shoulders like it was nothing. “Don’t go telling everybody about it though, please.” I forced a smirk on my face.
He bought it thankfully and laughed as he told me a story about another one of his friend’s strange kinks which kept the attention from me.
Making my excuses to leave, I popped to the women’s bathrooms and pushed my sweater under the hand dryer.Classy. Pulling it back on, I checked my timetable and made my way to that lecture a few minutes early, giving me time to move at a leisurely pace.
Today I felt somewhere between emotional and emotionless. It didn’t sit well with me to have my feelings so out of sync. Some days I felt nothing at all, and some days I felt everything at once. I didn’t know what was worse, drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst.
* * *
Sneaking lunch out of the canteen without being noticed, I holed myself up at the back corner of the library where I devoured it and I flicked through pages of my lecture textbook, soaking up the information and putting myself ahead in the syllabus. I knew coming back here would be a balancing act, and I refused to let my studies and grades spiral downwards, and be the cost of living a double life. My education, though it would take years for me to qualify, would lead me to a life away from East Bay, which was the primary goal; to get away from Coldharbour and those who frequented it.
The grin that overtook my face had everything to do with those thoughts and the future. It would paint a pretty picture and no matter how far away it felt at this moment in time, I would hold snugly onto it.
My phone vibrated loudly on the table with a message, and I snatched it up before the librarians stormed over, laying down their lives for and to protect the sanctuary of the literacy world. I shuddered. Never mess with librarians, scary ass people.
Lizzie: Bitch, where are you? Your maid told me you were on campus as you’re feeling better, and a boy has been looking after you through your illness… who? Spill.
Fuck. I replied with a rolling face emoji before my fingers flew over my phone, sending an impulsive message before I could stop myself.
Milla: Your maid needs to keep her mouth shut and not blubber to everyone and anyone, especially Lizzie, about you being in my room otherwise rumours start circulating.
I sat back with a huff and considered whether that was really a bright idea, but it pinged before I could even recall it.
