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“Always,” I answered instantly. It wasn’t even a question which warranted a response. I stood tucking the chair back under the table as I leaned on the back. “Need me for anything else?” He waved me off dismissively.
“Why did you never question why Milla Rossi left suddenly?” Chris inquired just as I reached the door. Fingers on the handle, I froze in place, his offhanded questioning that had fuck all to do with anything we’d just examined throwing me. And it was nothing even close to what I wanted to discuss.
Facing him with a scowl that displayed how unimpressed I was with this line of conversation, I waited as he took his time to stand from his own chair.
“No,” I replied. Blunt, simple, and to the point, shutting down the conversation.
“You should look into it. Something just doesn’t add up, in my opinion.”
“Why?” I demanded angrily. For the first time ever, I had the urge to do serious physical harm to my boss—Texas’ dad. The man who’d been a supportive father figure for me since my childhood, since my own father disappeared, leaving us for dust.
I took strides back into the room, closer to him. “She chose to leave, giving none of us fair warning. She also chose to come back here with no explanations. I don’t give a fuck and I don’t have the time to be twisted up by some girl from the past whose presence is no longer welcome here.”
“Intriguing.” He cocked his head to the side, preparing to say something more that I could guarantee I’d want to smash his face in for. “Got you tangled in that web of hers again, it seems. Texas and Preston too.” He barked a laugh. “You three always shared well together, until she caught all your attention.”
He wasn’t wrong, it was why we’d kept her at arm’s length. None of us wanted to share our toys back then.
“Wasn’t surprised when all your sights set on her, you know? She blended with you all, still does. You’re just blinded.”
“Back the fuck off, old man. She’s a piece of pussy, plenty of those available. Though maybe we should all take a turn for old times’ sake to disperse her from our systems.” My lips twisted into a rare smirk, baiting him. I had no idea why but he’d aggravated me, pushing buttons that he had no right to.
“Watch it,” he warned. He came to stand toe to toe with me, we were the same height. But he’d got years’ experience and a higher body count under his belt. Right now, with the rage that’d been wound up solidly inside me patiently waiting for an excuse to be unleashed, I bet I could take him.
“You’re speaking about my friend’s daughter, remember that. Your anger isn’t for me, it’s your emotions you’ve shoved so far down you can’t decipher them. You better work out what you’ve suppressed before you release those demons without knowing where they originate from. Or you’ll only cause yourself more problems in the long run.” He paused, putting his hand over my chest, covering the pulsing organ which beat wildly out of control. “Protect, it’s at the heart of who you are, Hollis. But you’re doing yourself a disservice protecting yourself from the girl whose heart beats the same pattern as yours, whose soul calls to yours. All of yours.” He finished patting me on the shoulder and walked out like he didn’t drop a hallmark moment on me.Asshole.
Some people would always have to be kept at a distance to protect your own space and those of others of importance around you. I felt no guilt for that. I guarded that space with the ferocity of the hellhounds defending the gates of hell—relentlessly and viciously. I had no option but to protect my brothers and myself from the thoughtless actions of people with no regard for the damage they inflicted.
Chapter13
Milla
The weeks flew past quickly, and soon enough, Christmas was just around the corner. The weather was in full winter mode, but there was a lack of snow, which was a damn shame. I’d always loved its calmness; the world seemed to quieten as snowflakes settled on the ground, creating a sense of tranquillity.
Then there was the ice, naturally dangerous, but the allure of it drew me closer. I felt a strange sort of connection to it. It was understated. Hidden and not always seen, overlooked as something damaging, whereas it was just compacted by the impact of people. Ice could cause destroy, but ice would also endure; strong because it was put in the situation to be so shaped into its form.
I wanted to be ice. Sharp enough to cut those who touched me yet my personality wasn’t naturally cold.
I had not one thing planned for the entire weekend. But as much as I revelled in that idea of just doing nothing, it gave my mind space to think too thoroughly. I needed to keep busy to stop any toxic thoughts far away from entering my head space. Grabbing my phone, I typed out a message.
Milla: What are you doing today?
I held the device tightly in my fingers, squeezing the phone case when it showed the message being read and the dots replying a few minutes later. I waited anxiously, wondering if I could recall the message.
Preston: Errands.
I ground my teeth together, annoyed with myself that I gave into temptation and the shaky friendship ground that we’d found between us—him and I, more so than the other two. I couldn’t see a time where Texas wouldn’t be a raging asshole and Hollis wouldn’t be an emotionless wall. There wasn’t much of the boys I’d once known left inside them; sometimes I’d see hints of it, but their frosty demeanour didn’t shock me in the slightest. I’d known being around them all again wouldn’t be a walk in the park.
Even now, they wanted an explanation that I refused to give them. Yes, I could see how me walking away may have dented their egos slightly, but they had no justifiable reason to know my thoughts. We were best friends. At least, I had believed we were. And as much as the happiness they brought me got me through some of the most depraved times in those last few years, they weren’t without fault.
Before I left, out of nowhere, they became more distant, keeping me at arm’s length, seemingly pushing me away. It cut me profoundly. Sometimes my mind cast over those times, but my memories favoured the happier times, where we’d laugh and joke around together and just be one cohesive unit. But I recalled the nights I cried myself to sleep with tears that rolled down my cheeks, never ending, wondering if I’d done something to warrant the same behaviour from the three of them?
Texas paraded a new girl in front of my face at every opportunity, seeming to enjoy the crushed hurt that had been displayed over my face. At that point I didn’t have a poker face. My emotions were visible like a tragic story, and I was certain he revelled in the bleeding heart he’d conjured to the surface.
Preston stopped joking around with me as much, his laughter becoming more forced like he’d purposely built a steel wall up between us and was feeding me slivers of himself, but even when he did it wasn’t authentic.
Hollis always had an impenetrable wall surrounding himself, never willingly opening up to me even back then. He’d cut me off more thoroughly than the others ever did, ignoring my entire presence even when I stood in front of him asking if everything was okay, ifhewas okay. I was more concerned about him than how he’d shunned me brutally.
So, when I left I lived with regrets about the whole situation and what led up to me leaving like a silent song on the wind, but realistically, what did they expect? For me to go running to them with my problems weeping from my flesh for them to dig the wound deeper?
