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No one would ever know I’d been here. But that didn’t fill me with relief. There was a nauseating churning that I felt bone deep as I took off from the entrance door, putting as much distance between that place and myself as possible. A few streets away I jumped in the Uber I’d ordered, directing him back to campus.
I needed to turn this over in my head properly.Don’t give up, a little voice whispered in the back of my mind. Yet, as the cold hard truth settled around me, I wondered if I had any chance of going up against them?
I didn’t.
Chapter18
Texas
I’d never felt the need to indulge in relationships. The most commitment I made was allowing the same girl to fulfil my needs more than once, and that was only for convenience. I wanted to put myself between a woman’s lips, not her heart.
Why hand over every piece of yourself for them to find it lacking? For them to cast judgement on the entirety of your life then walk away when they decided they couldn’t deal with it?
Asking for more than something purely physical opened your heart and guaranteed it would be trodden on. Bitterness would coat any feeling you originally felt. I wasn’t heartless, just smarter. Why let your happiness depend on someone else? Family and brotherhood love, I understood. They had an obligation to care for and love you.
I shook my head, dispersing the thoughts of Milla that ran rampant, taking a life of their own in my head. I turned up the volume on my phone and Soldier by Eminem blared out the speakers set up in two corners, blanketing the small room and my thoughts in the deafening beat and intense lyrics.
Hollis had built an outside garden shed and turned it into a workout room with a single punching bag and a handful of weights that it only just managed to house. We usually headed down to the local gym where there was more on offer, but this always worked if we needed it, especially to take that edge off for any reason away from prying eyes.
Right now, I was as edgy as an addict hooked on heroin who’d missed their fix. My twitching fingers needed to be occupied.
I shrugged off my t-shirt, throwing it to the side, leaving me in sweatpants and sneakers. Grey sweatpants.Yep, those thirst trap ones. They work a treat.
I picked up a weight in each hand and straightened my body into position. For the next half an hour I cycled through an upper body workout, the sweat poured off me and my mind blocked everything else out as the playlist went from one song into the next. My muscles felt sore, I placed the weights back onto the rack and sipped some water.So good. I ran my hand over my face and blew out a breath, deciding I could smash a few more reps out.
Finishing up a while later, I ran a towel over the sweat on my face as I walked back into the house, placing my water bottle on the kitchen island. The damp towel went straight in the washing machine and I headed to the bathroom.
I stepped in the shower, smacking the dial on; hot water blasted out at high speed, nearly scalding my balls. I sneered as I jumped back and worked my hand round the running water to turn the temperature down.Who the fuck had it at that heat? Since when was this a spa?Assholes. I guaranteed it was Preston. I was so going to hide one of his new sneakers that he’d fallen in love with, maybe even drown it in a hot bath with bubbles just to make a point.
Once the water settled to a temperature where I wouldn’t be burned, I drizzled the body wash in my hands, soaping up my entire body. Subconsciously, I peeked at the date tattooed within a skull design on my bicep. It was small and hidden from natural sight unless you knew what you were looking for; the date Milla left, forever reminding me that nothing good ever lasted.
I perched on one of the stools at the kitchen island and drained the rest of my water before crunching up the plastic bottle and lobbing it directly towards the recycle bin. It missed; I scowled at the inanimate object like it had done everything to wrong me in its cheap plastic life.
I drove to my parents’ house for something to do, letting myself in with the key.It was still my home too.Poking my head into the downstairs rooms and not seeing either of them, I shrugged and wandered to the kitchen.
Moments later they joined me, looking all sorts of dishevelled.Really?I cringed outwardly and my dad displayed a cocky expression.
“You two are disgusting,” I announced, totally aware that I was being a hypocrite but not caring in the slightest. Keep that shit away from me.
“Want another talk about the birds and the bees?” dad replied, amused. “How do you think you came about?”
That was enough. I scowled, approaching the worktop counter and went to take a brownie that sat idly on the side, daring me to take a bite.
Mom smacked my hand away. “No, not for you.”
Seriously?What was going on today? I narrowed my eyes at her sly smile, making my way to the more relaxed living areas to chill out.
Not long after, Miles swaggered in.Is this a drop-in centre?
“Where’s everyone else? I dropped round yours before I came here,” Miles questioned, dropping onto the couch and making himself comfortable. I couldn’t believe he’d entered our house without us there, like he owned it. Ballsy asshole. I swear he’d claimed himself a house key too.
“Out,” I answered and stood with my hands linked behind the back of my neck, stretching my arms out sidewards. I was sore from that brief session earlier, but damn, I felt good for it. Looked good for it too.
“Got some sexual repression to work off?” He smirked like a cat who caught the canary. He knew that I knew who he was referring to.
Mom entered the living area, shoving a plate of brownies towards him.Are you kidding me?
“You’ve got to be fucking with me…” I declared, staring at my traitorous mother.
