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I pushed away from him, grabbing my backpack that was still on the floor and made my way back to my room in a daze. My head was filled with everything and nothing at the same time. A humming, low buzzing of blurred nothingness sounded in my ears, numbing me from the world outside.
I locked myself in my room, purposely hiding. Because if I needed to sell the story of what Adam had put forward, I needed to be ready, and currently, I wasn’t. I knew what rested on these lies being told. Too many blows in such a short amount of time were hitting exactly where he wanted it to—my tattered soul. We were setting up for a finale with a big bang, one that I’d never be able to return from.
He broke the wrong parts of me. He clipped my wings carelessly; over time, I’d grown claws. But more worryingly, the claws were slipping, I’d been losing my grip.
* * *
I’d shut down over the last couple of days. My phone had been switched off. I hadn’t left the building, needing to cement those broken cracks in the wall I built around myself. They’d started to crumble horribly. I let people in. I shouldn’t have.
Once I let the real world back in and faced up to the narrative that’d been set for me, it’d be all systems go. I needed to be prepared. Mentally, physically.
There were always three sides to the story. My truth, his truth and the actual truth. But we were playing by his.
My phone pinged relentlessly after switching it back on, notifications and messages flowing in. I steeled myself before clicking on the first one.
Lizzie: How could you? All this time you’ve been seeing him too. Do you have any idea how you’ve made me look? How you’ve made those three boys look? If you see me, make sure to turn the other way.
Wow… well, that didn’t take long for word to spread. I’d take her anger though, to keep her safe. The woman always got blamed in these scenarios. What a fucking cliche. I guessed it was the ultimate lie that did it for her. Yet, I wouldn’t beg for her friendship. As much as she’d been the anchor that kept me grounded over the last few years, it wasn’t worth it.I wasn’t worth it.
I was better off alone, like he wanted. As he’d successfully achieved it. I couldn’t deny it brought a level of not giving a damn to the forefront of my mind too.Fuck them, all of them. They’d never understand.
Those messages Lizzie sent me the other day, that’d been why I went and looked for him, storming up to him looking for an explanation. I believed he’d leave her alone. But he messed with her because he could. There’s no logical reasoning for him. I’d come to learn that.
For months she slept with him… had sex with him, of her own free will. All before she told me of theirdate, or whatever it was. She didn’t know the monster that crawled beneath his skin. What could I do? I couldn’t tell her, but I could confront him. Look how well that turned out.
People say love is supposed to save you, bring out the best in you. I laughed out loud, the sound flat and harsh in the silent room. Love killed, slowly, bit by agonising bit.I knew it too well.
Preston, Hollis and Texas had labelled me as their poison. They were right, I was. But I was also their antidote.Not anymore.
I clenched my eyes tightly. I willed the ache in my chest to leave, the crack that they’d cleaved open once again and buried themselves within. Once one type of feeling filtered in, they all did. I couldn’t handle that.
For the past few months, it had been them, since before that too, they never fully left. They were everywhere, everything…them them them.
Since the moment we met, since the moment we connected on a level more than friendship and felt that primal pull, that tether between us all that locked within the deepest parts of us. I held tightly onto the image of each of them, of the hidden intensities in their eyes when I was lost, adrift with no life raft given.Muddy brown, emerald green, ice blue.
Those goddamn smiles, the ones that only seem to be sculpted for me. They were my addiction, I was theirs.Wastheirs, past tense. Too busy being so selfish in my needs and wants that I didn’t see the havoc I created for those around me, and I primed it so he could swoop in and unknowingly light the fuse.
I should have torn them out, carved them from my emotions years ago. They’d manipulated my mind and stained my heart permanently. I’d never recover. I didn’t deserve to.
I had no messages from the three of them, none. I decided to bite the bullet, picking my phone up and drafting out a message to the person who I needed to first.
Milla: I’m sorry.
It was all I had to offer; I wish I could have explained in detail, but it wouldn’t be possible. Placing my phone down with the message thread opened, I watched as it turned to read. The bubble lit up showing he was typing, then it stopped. Started again, stopped again. I bit down on the inside of my cheek to ground myself as the gnawing sickness that I was feeling doubled. I got up, pacing back and forth.
I glanced back at my phone again, seeing the message bubble where he typed had stopped for good.Get your head straight. He probably won’t even reply.
Distraction, that’s what I needed. I clicked off the silent mode on my phone, upping the volume so I’d hear it from down the hallway and strode off to my bedroom, sorting out my clothing and everything else. Bagging items I no longer wanted, I made a note to take them to the goodwill shop instead.Lizzie won’t be wanting anything from me. She loved getting the clothing I decided I didn’t want anymore, always saying that someone’s something old is another person’s something new.
My phone pinged loudly from the other room, and I dashed back in and picked it up. I read the message as any hope I had with him, and the other two dropped to the pit of my stomach. Tears welled in my eyes but they didn’t fall.
Preston: You will be.
I wasn’t just the girl who’d played three of the legacy kings, I was also the girl who had stabbed her best friend in the back. Supposedly.
Chapter27
Him
