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I was an idiot to think anything other than a quick fuck was possible with this woman.
“Theo.” Her voice is shaky.
“No, Cassie. This was never going to work. I refuse to let you make me feel guilty right now. I was honest with you from the start, which is far more than you can say for yourself.” My comment is snide.
“Why are you being so mean?” she asks through tears.
“I’ve always been mean,” I grumble.
“You’re grumpy, but never mean. I didn’t lie to you. I love you and this is how you’re ending things.”
My heart shudders in my chest. “You don’t love me. You would have been high on lust for my cock and after Nora’s wedding you would have realized that the deal we made wasn’t going to work for you. We would have broken up sooner or later.”
The lies taste bitter on my tongue.
“Don’t be crude.”
“It’s who I am, baby.” I move past her. It’s time for me to leave.
“Stop. You’re doing this on purpose.” She cries, following behind me.
Yeah, because this fucking sucks and I can’t be near her anymore. Wanting someone as badly as I want this woman but knowing we are no good for each other is torturous.
I have to make it hurt. It’s better this way.
Anger is easier to harness than sadness.
Fuck sadness. Rage can take you places. Sadness gets you nowhere.
I know she’s still crying. I can hear her sniffling. But I force myself to keep going. I’m not even halfway down the stairs when she steadies her voice. “I’m not a cheater. I’m not someone who makes rash decisions. I know what I want in life and I know that’s a committed relationship and a family. I was willing to give up marriage if that meant I could still be with the man I love. I didn’t need the wedding. I thought we were on the same page. But you just… you just obliterated our future.”
Facing the door, I take a deep breath. Peering over my shoulder, I say, “Turns out we weren’t even in the same fucking book, Cassie.”
Taking one last look at the women who would have made me change my stance on love and marriage, her tear-stained cheeks nearly gut me, but I’m a man with complete control, so I wrench open her front door, step out into the night, and close the door to what could have been my future.
When one door shuts, you make sure it fucking stays shut.
Chapter 16
IF I HAD A DOLLAR
CASSIE
“Oh,Cassie. I hate seeing you like this.” Layla hands me a glass of wine and sits down next to me. I’m leaning against the arm of the couch, my knees pressed against my chest, facing her where she sits in the middle, drinking her own glass of wine. She’s in nice skinny jeans and a light sweater. She looks fantastic and put together like normal. Me? I’m in black athletic leggings, an old, oversized sweatshirt from college, and my hair is in a haphazard bun on top of my head. I drop my head onto the back of the couch, careful not to spill the wine.
“Like my heart has been broken?” I mumble.
“No, like you haven’t showered in days and are a ratty mess,” she says, a smile playing on her mouth. “That hoodie has holes in it.”
“So? It’s comfy and I love it.” I wrap my arms around myself and bury my nose in the fabric of the sleeve. “And I showered yesterday morning.”
That was before everything hit the fan, but still. I don’t stink, yet.
“You should have called me last night.” She tsks.
“I needed to wallow by myself. Plus, I was a little in shock.” I take a sip of the sweet red she brought when I finally broke down and called her this evening.
“I texted Stella. She wants a complete update later,” Layla says, drinking her own wine.
