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I decide to go to the Williams’ residence to tell them in person that we’ll be going our separate ways. I wear a nice pair of jeans and a navy blue blouse and head out the door.
My heart’s pounding, and my nausea heightens the second I pull into their driveway. I have brought with me the divorce papers. Kaden had them drawn up in advance, though we had both once thought it would still be months before either of us signed them. Still, we knew this was coming, and his lawyer has already done the legal work.
I grab the manila envelope they’re in and head for the door. I take a deep breath before knocking softly. After a few moments, the heavy door swings open, and Catherine stands before me.
“Hey, Amber! Come on in!” she says, warmly welcoming me like she always does. My heart aches thinking of how she’ll act toward me once this is over…
She walks with me into the living room, where Mr. Williams sits in his lazy boy, watching football. Debra and Konrad are sitting beside him on the couch, and as soon as I walk in, everyone smiles.
“Hello, Amber! How’re you doing?” Mr. Williams asks, looking up from his game.
“Hi, everyone. I’m glad you’re all here. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment. I have something I’d like to tell you,” I say, trying not to cry.
They all look at me, concerned, and Konrad turns off his game.
“Of course, honey. Come on in. Find a spot to sit,” he invites. I sit on the sofa across from them, staring at the folder in my hands and trying not to fall apart.
I take a deep breath and begin. “I just wanted to come here today to tell you this in person because I have grown to love you all, and I hope what I’m about to say won’t change your feelings toward me. But I wanted you all to know that Kaden and I aren’t working out. We decided last night it’s best if we go our separate ways.”
An eerie silence falls over the room, forcing me to continue.
“I also wanted you all to know that I’m pregnant. It was a surprise, but it’s another reason it is best for everyone if we end things. We just can’t seem to see eye to eye on the matter, you know?” I say, trying to sound light. “We want different things, and I don’t think we can reconcile that in a way that lets us move forward together.”
I don’t want to make Kaden sound like a bad guy. I’m choosing my words very carefully, trying to say just enough without saying too much. But the shakiness grows in my voice with every word.
Catherine’s the first one to chime in. “No way… Oh my God. I’m so sorry…” she says with sadness in her voice. “Are you sure separating is the best thing? You don’t think you guys can do anything to work things out?”
I shake my head, still looking at the folder in my hands as a tear rolls down my cheek,
“No. We’ve hit a point of no longer being on the same page, and I don’t think a child will fix it. Besides, I always told myself if I were ever in this situation, I’d never stay because of a child. They don’t deserve to grow up feeling the tension in a home where their parents don’t love each other anymore.”
It feels like every word I’m saying is making the hole inside of me a bit bigger, but I know it’s necessary. I don’t want anyone to think I’m walking out without an explanation. If this is really the end, it’s time.
“I’m so sorry… Are you okay? Is the baby doing okay?” Debra asks, with a shakiness in her voice that tells me she’s crying, too.
I nod. “Not yet, but I’m going to do my best to get there before the baby comes. Per the last appointment, the baby is just fine,” I say, wiping more tears as they fall.
I want to sit with them forever. I want to talk about the baby and plan the future with someone who might actually be excited for it. But it’s no longer an option. I need to hurry this along before I completely break down in front of them.
I open the envelope, slide the papers out and set them on the coffee table. I notice a bulge in the bottom and realize, as I reach my hand in, that it’s a pen.
How convenient,I think, signing my name quickly and tossing it back in. I pick up the signed documents, take a few deep breaths trying to collect myself, and look up at Konrad.
“Sir,” I begin. “These are our divorce papers. I signed them. If you could please give them to Kaden for him to sign.” I set the envelope in his outstretched hand, and as he takes them, he looks deep into my eyes.
His stare makes me lose all control of my emotions, and the tears I’ve been holding back spill over, flowing down my cheeks as he stares. I bite my lip, trying not to cry out loud.
It crushes me to hand over divorce papers, giving the man I love permission to leave. I want nothing more than for Kaden to love me the way that I love him and for us to raise our baby together. But I can’t force it. I want my baby to grow up in a happy and loving household.
Konrad smiles sadly. “We appreciate you coming here and being honest with us. I’m so sorry to hear this. But we will do everything we can to support you.”
I attempt a smile in return. “I appreciate that. I really do. But I have to decline politely. If I’m going to do this, I have to do it by myself. Thank you, guys. I have to go,” I say.
My hand covers my mouth, choking back a sob as I run out the door. I run all the way back to my car, leaving little pieces of my heart on the ground behind me.
39
KADEN
