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“I’m not. She’s out with Emily. What did I do, Christian? What did I do to my family?”
“Autumn, stop crying.”
“I can’t. I feel like I’ve been crying since I left him. When all I want to do is go back, but I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?”
“I don’t know. I just can’t.”
He deeply sighed, breathing out, “It’s because of me, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Yes, you do.”
“This has nothing to do with you.”
“Bullshit, Autumn. This has always been about me. Mom and Dad would have accepted you guys—fuck, they probably would have been thrilled about it. The only thing holding him back was me, and we both know it.”
“Christian—”
“No, it’s my turn to talk, and you need to listen. I fucked up. My job was to protect you, and I protected you from the man you needed most. He’s always loved you. I saw it clear as day. The way he’d look at you when you were speaking, when he’d never give any girl his sole focus. The way he’d smile when you were around, when he was usually a broody bastard. How he’d think of you even when we were at the fucking grocery store, buying you your favorite candy or magazine. He was completely devoted to you.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I was wrong. I never should have kept you two apart, and for that I’m truly sorry, Autumn. It’s your life. He makes you happy, and for years I saw you suffer with Capri alone. Knowing deep down in my heart that he was more than likely the father.”
I gasped. “You knew?”
“I wasn’t a hundred percent positive, but he started changing. He wasn’t bringing girls home anymore. He was always busy, and when I saw you in his room that night, I knew he was busy with you. He didn’t hit on girls when we’d go out. My best friend became a man I didn’t recognize because of you. I saw through the bullshit charade he did during my bachelor party. Julian would have fucked her on that chair, not giving a shit anyone was in the room. He wouldn’t have taken her to another room. He was trying to prove something to me, and I saw it for what it was.”
“Oh my God.”
“When you told us you were pregnant, I tried to reach him. I called around to all our friends, everyone who knew him, the places we used to hang out, trying to see if I could find him, but I never could. For months I tried, only to come up empty.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I wanted to fucking kill him, but I couldn’t prove he was the father. All I had was my intuition. Than Capri started growing up, and I could see so much of him in her. Her mannerisms, her confidence, the way she holds her fucking fork, it’s all Julian.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything to me?”
“What could I say? I couldn’t offer you anything, give you any information on his whereabouts. The only thing I could do was be there for you and her. I felt so fucking guilty she didn’t have a father because of me. It was the least I could do. Again, I’m so sorry, Autumn. I never meant to hurt you. I fucking love you.”
It all made sense, and I had no idea how I couldn’t see it until now.
“It was never him, Christian. It was always me.” I paused to let my words sink in. “I pursued him. For years it was all me. He never wanted to disrespect you, our parents, or me. For the longest time I didn’t understand his reasoning. A little part of me resented him for it. I felt bad I didn’t feel that way and he did. Even up until his article, I was terrified of you finding out. Not Mom and Dad. I didn’t want to lose you like I’d lost him.”
“You’re not going to lose me. I promise. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. You’re always going to be my little sister. Do you love him?”
“More than anything in this world.”
“If he hurts you again, I’ll fucking kill him. You’ve been warned. I’ll always be here. I’m your big brother, and you’re stuck with me for life.”
“I know. You’ve been the best big brother a girl could ever have.”
