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To feel me.
“I love you,” I breathed out close to her lips. “I love you so fucking much, and you know that, baby. I saw your face during their vows. You can’t hide from me. I know you were remembering our wedding day. How I looked at you when you were walking down the aisle. From the moment you walked into that church you took my breath away, and ten years later you’re still taking it away. Don’t you remember how I used to make you feel, Kins? Please, babe, tell me you remember how we used to be?”
She sucked in a breath as I wiped away her tears with my thumbs. “What happened to us? We used to be so fucking happy, so in love. You remember, don’t you?”
She cried, “Of course I remember. You protected me. You’re always protecting me, Christian, but you can’t protect me from this—from what we’ve become.”
“I loved you then, I love you now.” I kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ll love you always.”
“You love what we used to be, not what we are now. It’s over. You know it’s over.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want this for us, and I know you don’t want it either. We’re still here, sweetness. Deep inside, it’s still us.”
“Christian, please… I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m just so fucking exhausted from disappointing you. I can’t live like this anymore.”
“Well, I can’t live without you.”
She opened her eyes, revealing our life together in her devastated expression.
“How do I look at the woman I love and just walk away from her? Huh? Please tell me, Kins, because I have not a fucking clue.”
She swallowed hard while more tears slid down her cheeks. “I know you blame me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. I can see right through you. I always have, and I always will. I wish I could change things. If I could go back… Fuck, I just can’t do this anymore. I’ve spent years regretting what I can’t change, and now I see it in the way you look at me, in the way you talk to me. You blame me, Christian, so stop pretending like you don’t.”
“I don’t care anymore. We’ll work through it.”
“All you’d be doing is settling for me, and I can’t do that to you. We’ve been trying to make it work for years. Enough is enough. You have to let me go.”
“The fuck I do.”
She shoved me. “Stop! Just stop! We agreed!”
“What other choice did you give me?”
“The only choice we have left!”
“That’s not the answer!”
Our chests were rising and falling in unison which was the only thing in sync with us.
“How can you not see it? What you’re doing to yourself, to me—to us?”
She jerked back, my questions knocking the wind out of her. “Christian! I can’t be here! I need to leave!”
“For fuck’s sake, Kinley! You can’t leave my little sister’s wedding!”
“I don’t care! It’s your fault that no one knows the truth, and the longer I’m there, the harder it is to not tell everyone!”
Despite not wanting to say the words, there was no holding back the fury that soured through my body, spewing, “We’re not ruining their wedding because you want to tell everyone right now that we’re getting a divorce!”
“Yes! I do want to tell everyone! It’s time! We’ve been hiding it for months! For years we’ve been pretending to be something we’re not, and I can’t do it anymore! For once can you just listen to me? Can you just see things through my eyes? You can’t protect me anymore! I’m not that young girl you found in the woods! Why can’t you see that?!”
“You’ll always be that girl to me. You may have forgotten her, but she’s never left my side. You’ve never left me, and you never will. Do you understand me?”
“Christian, we’re not an us anymore.”
