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She was the only woman who had ever touched my heart, my soul, and every fiber of my being belonged to her.
I was hers.
Inside and out.
However, now her love felt like a double-edged sword speared directly into my heart.
Her eyes weren’t a bright, shiny shade of green. They looked sad and hollow, although I could still see the love she had for me hidden behind the depths of her uncertainty.
She turned around to leave, and I grabbed her arm, turning her to face me. “I love you, Kinley.”
She immediately shut her eyes as if it pained her to look at me. I reached up instead, holding onto the sides of her face, willing her to open them for me.
“Sweetness,” I tenderly coaxed.
I only called her that when I really needed her to look at me, to talk to me, to listen to me…
To feel me.
“I love you,” I breathed out close to her lips. “I love you so fucking much, and you know that, baby. I saw your face during their vows. You can’t hide from me. I know you were remembering our wedding day. How I looked at you when you were walking down the aisle. From the moment you walked into that church you took my breath away, and ten years later you’re still taking it away. Don’t you remember how I used to make you feel, Kins? Please, babe, tell me you remember how we used to be?”
She sucked in a breath as I wiped away her tears with my thumbs. “What happened to us? We used to be so fucking happy, so in love. You remember, don’t you?”
—Kinley—
I cried, “Of course I remember.” I’d never be able to forget. He was in my veins, in my blood, imprinted so deep in my bones I didn’t know where I began and he ended. “You protected me. You’re always protecting me, Christian, but you can’t protect me from this—from what we’ve become.”
“I loved you then. I love you now.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “I’ll love you always.”
“You love what we used to be, not what we are now. It’s over. You know it’s over.”
We had to be. I couldn’t continue to allow him to sacrifice more than he already had for me. It wasn’t fair what I was doing to him and had been putting him through every month for the last couple of years. I had to stop being selfish and put his needs and wants first.
I loved him enough to let him go, knowing I could never give him what he truly yearned for. I tried…
But I was broken.
He shook his head. “I don’t want this for us, and I know you don’t want it either. We’re still here, sweetness. Deep inside, it’s still us.”
“Christian, please… I’m not trying to hurt you. It’s the opposite—I’m trying to set you free. I’m just so fucking exhausted from disappointing you all the time. I can’t live like this anymore.”
“Well, I can’t live without you.”
I opened my eyes, revealing our life together in my devastated expression. It was the least I could do. This was killing me too. I didn’t want this, but I didn’t have another choice. I’d made the wrong one over ten years ago, and it had cost me the love of my life.
“How do I look at the woman I love and just walk away from her? Huh? Please tell me, Kins, because I have not a fucking clue.”
I swallowed hard while more tears slid down my cheeks. “I know you blame me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. I can see right through you. I always have, and I always will. I wish I could change things. If I could go back… Fuck, I just can’t do this anymore. I’ve spent years regretting what I can’t change, and now I see it in the way you look at me, in the way you talk to me. You blame me, Christian, so stop pretending like you don’t.”
“I don’t care anymore. We’ll work through it.”
“All you’d be doing is settling for me, and I can’t do that to you. We’ve been trying to make it work for years. Enough is enough. You have to let me go.”
“The fuck I do.”
